Venting can't do pullups, wanna die

[golgotha]

Why am I so weak? I can lift all these weights, endure all this emotional and physical torment, see all this evil bullshit going on in the world, endure three kidnappings, hundreds of physical assaults from police officers and five counts of attempted murder at the hands of my own biological mother... AND I STILL CAN'T DO A FUCKING PULL UP?!

I just... I don't know what to say.

I'm fucking speechless.

Hahahaha... it's so fucking funny. So goddamn fucking funny.

I exist to be used and abused. I exist to get beat up, thrown out, used up, tortured, humiliated, a punching bag for everyone. I'm never gonna get strong enough to hold my own against others. I mean, I'm at the bare fucking bottom. I can't do shit.

I am so close to committing suicide. But the worst fucking part? Everytime I wait for the bus, the bus never comes to pick me up! Instead, I wake up on a hospital bed with three security gaurds ready to assault me at the door! HAHAHAHAHAHA! And I can't do shit against them, I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING KILL THEM BECAUSE I'M THAT WEAK! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

someone... please... help me.
give me the willpower to continue.
give me something, anything, that will give me even the smallest shred of willpower to keep going, to keep hitting it at the gym and finally lift my own bodyweight.

my frustration and sorrow right now is immeasurable. im on the brink of tears and im on my knees. im begging for even the smallest ray of light from the only community that is willing to give me even the smallest amount of attention.

 

[angel31]

Fuck I am so sorry you have to suffee through all of this… if you want to chat a bit, PM me. I hope everything turns out the way you want to, whatever you choose to do
Sending hugs and love

 

[OceanBlue]

I enjoy eating the flesh of animals because it's delicious, satiating and builds physical strength. So what if animals are in pain? So what if they're slaughtered? I want to eat their flesh. I want to devour and digest their organs. It makes me feel alive.

Doesn't build 'physical strength' as much as you state then. Couldn't care less about you, troll.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry what you have to endure in your life and it's certainly too frustrating to have any will power to go on. Failed attempts are an additional pain causing so much suffering. I can fully understand this. I don't know how you can find the energy you need to finally go to the gym and to raise your bodyweight creating muscles with the right training. As you mentioned this already I think this could be your goal and it's better than CTB right away. But you would have to get up by yourself and start the process if you really wish for that. I know how difficult that is, believe me, and I'm still so lazy myself. I hope you can find the strength and willpower you need to reach your goals. Should it fail there's always the option of CTB using methods that really work.

 

[golgotha]

Doesn't build 'physical strength' as much as you state then. Couldn't care less about you, troll.

You don't know shit about physical strength then, or anything about biology for that matter. It's not hard to get yourself educated in this day and age.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't know if this will help...

 

[SexyIncél]

Hmm, pull-ups aren't easy. Have you checked out Firas Zahabi, the mma trainer? Maybe you're burning yourself out, overtraining & relying on willpower-grinding?

I vaguely recall he talked about getting that first pullup... but can't find it now

btw hope you ease up on animals too... He mentioned that "toxic hunger"

 

[golgotha]

I don't know if this will help...

Ugh I hate that guy. Thanks for trying though. I've attempted literally everything to build myself up to pullups, and failed. It's been two years.

Hmm, pull-ups aren't easy. Have you checked out Firas Zahabi, the mma trainer? Maybe you're burning yourself out, overtraining & relying on willpower-grinding?

I vaguely recall he talked about getting that first pullup... but can't find it now

btw hope you ease up on animals too... He'd mentions that "toxic hunger" for flesh

Thanks, I'll check it out.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Ugh I hate that guy. Thanks for trying though. I've attempted literally everything to build myself up to pullups, and failed. It's been two years.

Thanks, I'll check it out.

Oh- sorry.

 

[Pluto]

I've been vegetarian for 23 years and managed to increase my weight at the gym by 20% since I started a year ago. I admit my diet is a handicap (not to mention the fact that I struggle to eat at all), as is chronic depression and bad genes. It's been a desperate fight of a dying man but at least it proves a point.

There is an assisted pull-up machine at some gyms which should enable progressively building towards doing unassisted pull-ups. I can do about 6 of them, though I rarely try as it's not something I prioritise.

As an aside, I injured myself running and it now looks like I'll never run again. It isn't a deal-breaker in itself. Can't have everything.