Help Can't CTB because of girlfriend.

[narasаnu]

My reasons: I am 18 years old and lately I have big problems with my studies, a lot of debts, a lot of absences. I am very ashamed of this, but I just don't have the strength to even get up early in the morning. And after school I lie down on my bed and sleep until the very night, and then continue to sleep. I have no strength for games or for my favorite hobby. I also have problems with socialization since early childhood, because of which I can't have a lot of friends and am simply afraid to get a job. I also just don't see the point in living at all, there is no goal that I would like to achieve. Because of which I see that my way out is CTB.

Now the problem is, a year and a half ago I met a girl on the Internet who always wrote to me first. In the end, we became so close that she became my girlfriend. I didn't want to break her heart by refusing, although now I understand that it was not entirely thought out. Before that, I told her about my life and problems and that I had suicidal thoughts, and she constantly dissuaded me and asked me not to think about it, which I promised.

Now I love her very much but I don't know what to do, most likely without her I wouldn't be here, but now I live for her and I don't know what to do.

(I poorly know English, so I had to translate most of the text in Google, sry)

 

[bankai]

Then stay alive. Enjoy your time with her. Only people with absolutely no options should consider CTB. As my man Gojo Satoru said try your best and if you fail you can always throw it all away later.

 

[narasаnu]

Then stay alive. Enjoy your time with her. Only people with absolutely no options should consider CTB. As my man Gojo Satoru said try your best and if you fail you can always throw it all away later.

I would love to, but it's just painful to continue living.

 

[bankai]

I would love to, but it's just painful to continue living.

That's strange because I have seen many posts on the site saying that all they need is a girl and they'd continue living. People are different, I guess. Then if you're saying she doesn't make you happy enough, then again that contradicts what you said previously. If you love her so much, you should also be happy because of it.But then again, in my opinion, living for someone else is a recipe for disaster. People will cut and run for the silliest things.

 

[Lily6759]

I am in a very similar situation. I want to ctb, but my girlfriend has dissuaded me multiple times. Even when she isn't actively stopping me, she flashes in my head whenever I attempt and indirectly causes me to stop. I also have a hefty student debt and dropped out of university due to failed assignments and barely being able to get out of bed.

I think if you can battle the feeling of wanting to die, you should. It's not easy to do, but if you believe she can handle it, there's always the option of talking to your girlfriend a bit more about your issues so she can help more. However not everyone can handle those kinds of topics.

A common thing to hear when you aren't sure around here, I've found is that, death is permanent. I believe staying alive for someone else is as good of a reason to stay alive as any. And if you have a reason to stay, then do so.

 

[narasаnu]

That's strange because I have seen many posts on the site saying that all they need is a girl and they'd continue living. People are different, I guess. Then if you're saying she doesn't make you happy enough, then again that contradicts what you said previously. If you love her so much, you should also be happy because of it.But then again, in my opinion, living for someone else is a recipe for disaster. People will cut and run for the silliest things.

I really do feel good with her, it's just that other aspects of my life prevent me from enjoying life. She lets me forget for a while what a failure of a son I am for my parents and often supports me, but how will I support her, for example financially or stand up for her if necessary given my problems. I'm just afraid that I'm not good enough for her.

I am in a very similar situation. I want to ctb, but my girlfriend has dissuaded me multiple times. Even when she isn't actively stopping me, she flashes in my head whenever I attempt and indirectly causes me to stop. I also have a hefty student debt and dropped out of university due to failed assignments and barely being able to get out of bed.

On the one hand, it's good that she really loves you and cares about your mental health. But on the other hand, it's sad that you're in this situation... I wonder, have you tried talking to a specialist? Or did she ever asked you to?

 

[WakingNightmare]

I'm in the same situation, sometimes I like to think about what I would be able to do if she stopped loving me.
Still my life is just worthless and not bad so I can probably tolerate another 60 years as a slave for her sake since I'll die in the end anyway

 

[Lily6759]

On the one hand, it's good that she really loves you and cares about your mental health. But on the other hand, it's sad that you're in this situation... I wonder, have you tried talking to a specialist? Or did she ever asked you to?

She wants me to go to a therapist in time. She wants us both to go when we are a bit closer together. I plan to agree to it when she pushes for it once she's a bit closer.
My experience with therapy in the past is not exactly good though. Nothing specificslly bad, but they didn't help me with my issues. She's also the reason I've started on anti-depressants, but no results on those yet, though I've only been on them about a month.

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

Then stay alive. Enjoy your time with her. Only people with absolutely no options should consider CTB. As my man Gojo Satoru said try your best and if you fail you can always throw it all away later.

"Dying to win and risking death to win are completely different, Megumi." ~Satoru Gojo

 

[SoulCage]

I really do feel good with her, it's just that other aspects of my life prevent me from enjoying life. She lets me forget for a while what a failure of a son I am for my parents and often supports me, but how will I support her, for example financially or stand up for her if necessary given my problems. I'm just afraid that I'm not good enough for her.

I know what you are going through. It's not easy to keep going even though there is strong love (on both sides). For a long time I thought I should just leave this world - I can't enjoy the good moments with my boyfriend because everything else is so exhausting that I am literally just a zombie.
Our relationship started when I was more hopeful and had a positive outlook. I thought things will improve once I am an adult and free from my parents and school. Now we have been together for many many years, experienced so much together, but my depressive episodes became longer and more unbearable over time. As well as one work-burnout after another. I am sick of feeling like this all the time.

Last year I was so ready to CTB, now not so much, because he has been so supportive and loving. I can't imagine disappearing from his life like this, I don't want him to suffer.
Basically, I decided to put the suffering on myself, hoping my body gives up naturally. Pretending I am fine for his sake.
Not gonna lie, it's not easy. 90% of the day is enduring anxiety and physical pain. The balance is way off. But the alternative is simply not an option as long as he comes home every day, tells me how much he adores me, makes jokes that make me laugh.

I suggest you figure out if it's worth for you. Figure out if she still supports you, no matter what. I think this is very important to keep going.

That's all I can do.. share my situation and hopefully find meaning in it.