So I have BPD. Got diagnosed with it when I was 23, I am 31 now. But I have struggled with it as far back as I can remember.
I have been going through a mental health crisis that started brewing about a year ago, and got worse in September last year. I continued to plummet and then had a terrible episode in March. Since then I've just continued to sink. I then got dumped and that's triggered me into just not wanting to be here anymore.
I've been having suicidal thoughts since September last year. Been ready to go now for the last month but SI keeps kicking in.
Except today I actually had a good day! and yesterday too! I was singing along to happy music and thought hey, maybe this isn't so bad. Maybe I can hold off on my plan to CTB.
Except since then I've just crashed. It's my exes birthday weekend, I know he will be out with his friends tonight. I know he was out last weekend and fucked someone. We live in a very small place and word gets out quickly. Tomorrow is his actual birthday. I was meant to spend the day with him making him feel special. I was meant to be out with him tonight.
I feel like my chest is being ripped out and that I have third degree burns in my heart. Monday is my plan for CTB as I will be alone all day. I have everything ready to go, I'm planning full suspension.
I just want to leave this cruel place because I can't cope with my intense emotions anymore.
I have been going through a mental health crisis that started brewing about a year ago, and got worse in September last year. I continued to plummet and then had a terrible episode in March. Since then I've just continued to sink. I then got dumped and that's triggered me into just not wanting to be here anymore.
I've been having suicidal thoughts since September last year. Been ready to go now for the last month but SI keeps kicking in.
Except today I actually had a good day! and yesterday too! I was singing along to happy music and thought hey, maybe this isn't so bad. Maybe I can hold off on my plan to CTB.
Except since then I've just crashed. It's my exes birthday weekend, I know he will be out with his friends tonight. I know he was out last weekend and fucked someone. We live in a very small place and word gets out quickly. Tomorrow is his actual birthday. I was meant to spend the day with him making him feel special. I was meant to be out with him tonight.
I feel like my chest is being ripped out and that I have third degree burns in my heart. Monday is my plan for CTB as I will be alone all day. I have everything ready to go, I'm planning full suspension.
I just want to leave this cruel place because I can't cope with my intense emotions anymore.
.
