Venting Can't believe I'm not dead yet

[Painless_end]

Can't believe I'm still alive. How do you live if the very foundation of life which is growing up to become a functional adult and being independent, is out of reach because of the fact that you feel it is like death to grow up.

For me, being an adult and growing up and committing to any line of work or relationship has felt like death. Due to this, I refuse jobs. I refuse commitments and responsibilities that I don't like.

I know it cannot change for me. Because deep down I am someone who resists having to take on the darkness of the world.

Due to an unfortunate neurological issue that doesn't let me develop the interest or competencies in any line of work, I have ended up being voluntarily unemployed and living with my parents. I will never enjoy any job or any hobby.

I have realised lack of actual ambition is a complete disaster for life. You can't survive if your ambition is zero or even negative.

The only way most normal people are able to survive life is by being actively engrossed in their work so that they do not feel depressed.

I can never have that. I realized that long ago, so the only thing left to do, was hoping for a quick death to end this suffering.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do believe that some people are simply not meant for this world, I've personally never found the thought of being alive to be appealing in any way and I never could want to exist no matter the circumstances. I also hope for a quick death, that's all I've ever wished for. Your feelings of wanting to be free from everything are understandable, as it really can be tiring having to exist in a world that you are not suited for. I hope that you find the freedom that you are looking for.

 

[alairelibre]

yo creo que debes aferrarte a los momentos compartidos con seres queridos y nada mas que eso, todo lo demas es superficial. yo ultimamente me junto con gente querida y charlo y eso es todo en mi amargada vida. laboralmente tampoco sirvo para el sistema, soy un estorbo para mi familia también. a pesar de eso sigo vivo. no se porque.

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm from Indonesia, and I can relate, we seem to have some similar problems. In my case personally, though, I've used to have big dreams, & even visions, since I'm an idealist type of person. But reality is always disappointing, & crushing me down eventually.

I also admit that, perhaps similar like you, I believe that it's just my personality basically that's making everything an 'ironic & tragic' embodiment. I'm easily down, depressed, and people usually just simply judge me as being "lazy", but idk, I honestly think that it's much more complicated than simply just being "lazy", maybe people just don't/can't understand.

I'm also a highly-sensitive person, as well as a 'thinker' & 'truthseeker'. These traits also have ironically (& sadly) led me down to what I am now: a 40 yrs old person who've had a long & deep existential depression, and basically perhaps similar like you, feel like a failure (completely) in this world/society.

But that's life, isn't it? It's all random, basically. Anything could happen, including any type of 'bad' things that's unthinkable/unimaginable.

 

[Csmith8827]

Can't believe I'm still alive. How do you live if the very foundation of life which is growing up to become a functional adult and being independent, is out of reach because of the fact that you feel it is like death to grow up.

For me, being an adult and growing up and committing to any line of work or relationship has felt like death. Due to this, I refuse jobs. I refuse commitments and responsibilities that I don't like.

I know it cannot change for me. Because deep down I am someone who resists having to take on the darkness of the world.

Due to an unfortunate neurological issue that doesn't let me develop the interest or competencies in any line of work, I have ended up being voluntarily unemployed and living with my parents. I will never enjoy any job or any hobby.

I have realised lack of actual ambition is a complete disaster for life. You can't survive if your ambition is zero or even negative.

The only way most normal people are able to survive life is by being actively engrossed in their work so that they do not feel depressed.

I can never have that. I realized that long ago, so the only thing left to do, was hoping for a quick death to end this suffering.

I understand you entirely. My situation is compounded 1 thousand times worse because my parents define or think growing up means 1 thing and you prefer to feel or think or define growing up as something entirely different. And the system is just screwed up.

But no I feel you on the it means to die part. Everyone likes having fun...

I think it's amazing I'm still alive as well.

 

[A simple aid]

Can't believe I'm still alive. How do you live if the very foundation of life which is growing up to become a functional adult and being independent, is out of reach because of the fact that you feel it is like death to grow up.

For me, being an adult and growing up and committing to any line of work or relationship has felt like death. Due to this, I refuse jobs. I refuse commitments and responsibilities that I don't like.

I know it cannot change for me. Because deep down I am someone who resists having to take on the darkness of the world.

Due to an unfortunate neurological issue that doesn't let me develop the interest or competencies in any line of work, I have ended up being voluntarily unemployed and living with my parents. I will never enjoy any job or any hobby.

I have realised lack of actual ambition is a complete disaster for life. You can't survive if your ambition is zero or even negative.

The only way most normal people are able to survive life is by being actively engrossed in their work so that they do not feel depressed.

I can never have that. I realized that long ago, so the only thing left to do, was hoping for a quick death to end this suffering.

bro we are similar in maaaany ways....pls reach out and we can talk about it....there is a way out....and society has given you the "guideline" for functional existence....but that doesnt have to be yours ...trust me...and people in the world are just as depressed as you they simply shove it down with any and everything....at least you can approach the issue to deal with it

 

[Forever Sleep]

Because deep down I am someone who resists having to take on the darkness of the world.

This is a terrific statement and I completely know what you mean. I think so many of us simply don't want to participate in this world.

I don't mean to imply you are 'lucky' or 'fortunate' but I think for many people, it's not so much a case that they particularly WANT to have a job. Many people are doing jobs they utterly detest that sucks the soul out of them. You can't engross yourself in something you want to resist and constantly detest. I think a lot of the time, it's that people feel as if they have no choice. They don't have financial support anywhere else- so it's that or starve and be homeless.

Still- neither situation is a 'happy' one. It's just so sad that so many people suffer.

It must be dreadful not to be able to distract yourself with anything. I do feel bad for you.