Discussion Can't believe I made it this far

[loser4ever4life]

As the title puts it, I can't believe I made it this far just to ctb now. I feel like a failure, I don't know why I tried so hard just to throw it all away now

 

[lack]

time is a social construct. youre only ever alive in the present moment, all that ever really exists is the present moment. this can help me both to feel at ease with things but also reminds me that there is no use worrying about the sentiment behind "why did i try so hard just to throw it all away now?".
its like a double edged sword.
basically, it feels to me like nothing really matters. i guess im sort of nihilistic in a way. but genuinely, it just doesn't feel like it matters how much we've tried. i cant believe i made it this far, either, despite multiple attempts that were nearly successful at times, and also tried so hard to succeed and make it far away from this feeling.. it comes and goes like some kind of horrible weather event. knowing i will continue to feel this way on and off for the rest of my life makes me want to have so much less of a life. but again, there is no such thing as time.. it's only ever just "now". there is no promise of tomorrow, and yesterday is unattainable. there is only just now.
idk if that makes any sense lol

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

You are not a failure, time is relative, and we can only try. You are brave for trying and coming this far. If you feel like you are throwing everything away, for me I'd be thinking what it is that I'm letting go of. I also can't believe I've made it this far to get here, but what is this far? Time flies, some achieve more in a decade than others do in a lifetime. Sometimes a moment means more than years. And what means something to me, may mean nothing to someone else. So, my question will be, am I willing to let go of everything at this moment, knowing it will be the very last moment in time, letting go of the past, present and any future moments.