Discussion Can you still laugh?

[LastFlowers]

I find it so bizarre that I am still able to laugh sometimes with how incredibly horrible I look and feel. It is not a happy laughter though, I'm not sure what it is.
Usually it's from the darkest humor, maybe even about the dreadfulness of my situation.
I think I am either losing it because I cannot believe where I've landed In life, or laughter is the only "emotion" that still hits the deepest darkest pits of humanity. Ricocheting off the hopelessly steep walls.
A strangled, malformed version, but laughter nonetheless.
(perhaps this is why so many comedians are also the ones who have so many demons)

I always thought I would be stoic or crying, and most definitely bitter and angry when I CTB, but maybe I will be laughing.
Laughing at the joke that is life.

 

[JadedGray]

Yes, I experience involuntary laughter. It's like a coping mechanism after years of being miserable. I laugh at things that aren't even that funny. Sometimes I laugh at my situation because of how ridiculous it is and how terrible my life has been. It's all I can do to stop myself from crying. It's the only instance I show an emotion that isn't rooted in my depression.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Yes, I experience involuntary laughter. It's like a coping mechanism after years of being miserable. I laugh at things that aren't even that funny. Sometimes I laugh at my situation because of how ridiculous it is and how terrible my life has been. It's all I can do to stop myself from crying. It's the only instance I show an emotion that isn't rooted in my depression.

Friend I am well acquainted with this, when it happens in public you then have those wierd looks or questions, people say:
'whats funny?'
And you pause for longer than you should, and then reply:
'I was thinking about Joey in Friends (that's the get out of jail free card).'

DBD

 

[LastFlowers]

Yes, I experience involuntary laughter. It's like a coping mechanism after years of being miserable. I laugh at things that aren't even that funny. Sometimes I laugh at my situation because of how ridiculous it is and how terrible my life has been. It's all I can do to stop myself from crying. It's the only instance I show an emotion that isn't rooted in my depression.

Yea I think in some ways it must be some type of built in coping mechanism.
Gosh i've used the word ridiculous a lot during all of this Hell.
So exhausting, I wish I could turn it on and off and make myself laugh when I'm about to cry. I'd probably seen even more insane then though.
But my crying is how you described the laughing, involuntary. It has hindered me even at the points where I've tried to advocate for and help myself.

 

[JadedGray]

Friend I am well acquainted with this, when it happens in public you then have those wierd looks or questions, people say:
'whats funny?'
And you pause for longer than you should, and then reply:
'I was thinking about Joey in Friends (that's the get out of jail free card).'

DBD

So far, I've been lucky that it hasn't happened in public. I'm already used to getting weird looks.
I'm glad you've come up with an explanation for when people ask. :)

Yea I think in some ways it must be some type of built in coping mechanism.
Gosh i've used the word ridiculous a lot during all of this Hell.
So exhausting, I wish I could turn it on and off and make myself laugh when I'm about to cry. I'd probably seen even more insane then though.
But my crying is how you described the laughing, involuntary. It has hindered me even at the points where I've tried to advocate for and help myself.

Yes, it's like you said it's not a happy laugh. It's more of a defeated laugh.

 

[Escaper Boy]

This thread just "triggered" an idea in my head. Instead spending my last minutes in gloomy state, how about I spend my final moments in laughter and smile on my face? I think it would be better to "go out with a smile" instead of feeling terrified. Not sure how am I supposed to accomplish that though.

 

[Halo13]

Friend I am well acquainted with this, when it happens in public you then have those wierd looks or questions, people say:
'whats funny?'
And you pause for longer than you should, and then reply:
'I was thinking about Joey in Friends (that's the get out of jail free card).'

DBD

You're spot on. Nothing is actually funny at all - it's like an uncontrollable reaction to stress or anxiety. Happens to me too. It feels like hysterical laughter at what a joke my life has become and how everything I dreamed of as a child seems downright laughable to the reality of what really happened in adulthood because it's so absurd. The laughing gets worse when it's awkwardly in public, it's sometimes mixed with sobs which I have to swallow to appear normal

 

[Ashpac]

Daaamn, i must be super boring as fuck because i never laugh, maybe a genuine smile like a few times a week.
I did used to laugh alot when i was drunk and stoned, but i dont do either these days.
Maybe I should, my lifes gonna be cut short anyways lol.

 

[Severen]

Yes, because due to anti depressants, I'm not depressed anymore. And this world is full of a lot of funny shit. And yet I still want to CTB in the future... Because life still isn't worth it.

 

[Allpainnogain]

No I don't laugh at all any more I've become emotionally hollow and void and numb one of the main reasons I want to ctb. I used to be so incredibly happy...

 

[Chalken]

I feel like I'm incapable of joy. I can smile lightly at jokes or whatever, but that's it, I eventually return to despair, numbness or pain.

 

[Retched]

Daaamn, i must be super boring as fuck because i never laugh, maybe a genuine smile like a few times a week.
I did used to laugh alot when i was drunk and stoned, but i dont do either these days.
Maybe I should, my lifes gonna be cut short anyways lol.

I feel you there. I used to even be funny.

 

[AutumnEmbers]

I find it so bizarre that I am still able to laugh sometimes with how incredibly horrible I look and feel. It is not a happy laughter though, I'm not sure what it is.
Usually it's from the darkest humor, maybe even about the dreadfulness of my situation.
I think I am either losing it because I cannot believe where I've landed In life, or laughter is the only "emotion" that still hits the deepest darkest pits of humanity. Ricocheting off the hopelessly steep walls.
A strangled, malformed version, but laughter nonetheless.
(perhaps this is why so many comedians are also the ones who have so many demons)

I always thought I would be stoic or crying, and most definitely bitter and angry when I CTB, but maybe I will be laughing.
Laughing at the joke that is life.

Yes, I experience involuntary laughter. It's like a coping mechanism after years of being miserable. I laugh at things that aren't even that funny. Sometimes I laugh at my situation because of how ridiculous it is and how terrible my life has been. It's all I can do to stop myself from crying. It's the only instance I show an emotion that isn't rooted in my depression.

Yes, somehow I am still able to laugh, though it often is at how preposterous life is. A couple of months ago I came across a meme that reminded me of myself and my own sorry state (as well as the absurdity of life in general), and I couldn't stop laughing hysterically even though I was deep in the midst of a major depressive episode. It was very silly and wouldn't even be that funny to most people, but even now when I think about it I involuntarily crack up. It is preferable to crying at least.

 

[RodgerThat]

When I look at myself in the mirror I just start laughing at my face and my situation. It's reminiscent of a crazy evil genius laugh, which is very unsettling.

 

[JadedGray]

Yes, somehow I am still able to laugh, though it often is at how preposterous life is. A couple of months ago I came across a meme that reminded me of myself and my own sorry state (as well as the absurdity of life in general), and I couldn't stop laughing hysterically even though I was deep in the midst of a major depressive episode. It was very silly and wouldn't even be that funny to most people, but even now when I think about it I involuntarily crack up. It is preferable to crying at least.

I'm the same way. I laugh at things that remind me of how unfortunate my life is or life in general. It's all I can find funny anymore. Everything else seems so patronizing.

 

[lululoo]

I can still laugh. Often at stupid stuff. The other night I cracked up watching this in my bed, sad and sick, dreading work the next morning: https://www.reddit.com/r/KidsAreFuckingStupid/comments/a4yumv/johnny_knoxville_the_early_years

 

[Apostle]

I can thankfully laugh, but only at things I find funny, stupid, or in some cases, sad. I can't laugh out of joy anymore.

 

[Skathon]

I have always been able to, but I have never felt anything while being amused. It is always... emotionless/neutral.

 

[AngelGirl]

I find it so bizarre that I am still able to laugh sometimes with how incredibly horrible I look and feel. It is not a happy laughter though, I'm not sure what it is.
Usually it's from the darkest humor, maybe even about the dreadfulness of my situation.
I think I am either losing it because I cannot believe where I've landed In life, or laughter is the only "emotion" that still hits the deepest darkest pits of humanity. Ricocheting off the hopelessly steep walls.
A strangled, malformed version, but laughter nonetheless.
(perhaps this is why so many comedians are also the ones who have so many demons)

I always thought I would be stoic or crying, and most definitely bitter and angry when I CTB, but maybe I will be laughing.
Laughing at the joke that is life.

I laugh too. But i'm having severe depression and I have SI's 24/7. I can still laugh from humor. But I never laugh because I'm happy. I don't even remember when was the last time I actually felt happy.

I think what makes me seek fun is stress. I'm too depressed and low energy to do anything so I just stay in bed doing nothing really. But then when there's something that is actively stressful going on, it gives me instant energy, probably from a surge of norepinephrine, epinephrine. Then I seek something fun, like standup comedies on YouTube, or Netflix. But when I'm just sad again, I just do nothing besides being sad.

 

[Final Escape]

I still laugh at stuff but mostly in despair.

 

[Alchemist]

I guess I can still laugh, specially with dark humor, but it feels like an empty laughter that is just a reaction but bring no happiness.