Can you remember the time you were happy(or at least somewhat ok)?

[_Minsk]

its horrific to see the difference to how it used to be for a short while to how it was going the last years.. i could cry all time i just look back at the past, i wish i could cry, but i cant get out a single tear anymore.. i feel like all life and energy has been deleted out of my life.. most times im not even able to remember the happy days i had at all, i have gone too far, at times it even feels like im dead already, i no longer know how it feels to be actually happy i believe..

fantasying about ctb and planing ctb are the only resources to feel somewhat alive.. i wonder how i've been able to continue just surviving over and over, whats the point of just surviving and not living a life which feels good?.. tired of this dull and pointless life.. pain so bad leaving me dissociated and cut off this life.. what actually is this and how people are even able to reproduce and fuel the chain of suffering..

 

[watereyes]

Never been happy, so its ok. Glad I never was.

 

[Mooshi]

I remember when I was happy, but I don't remember what it felt like. I don't want to either...

 

[GoBack]

Years ago, when I was still depressed and messed up and suicidal but was able to sleep at night. That's the mega difference in keeping going and hoping or just falling backwards into a abyss. At least could eat properly then and do stuff with friends and family so had happy times

 

[SpottedPanda]

I was happy in my early to mid twenties. My dating life was thrilling. I'd put on the muscle I'd always dreamed of, and my hobbies excited me. Everything just worked. Fast forward over ten years and I live a very different story.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I had 3 years of pure bliss with my first boyfriend in college and then that was it.

 

[ssaaahmo]

i was happy before i was ten

 

[GoBack]

Oh, a few early childhood years were happy, as in normal as normal goes untill we moved house. Then it wasnt

 

[_Minsk]

I had 3 years of pure bliss with my first boyfriend in college and then that was it.

exactly the same for me, after that first relationship life went completely downhill!..

 

[madbananas]

its horrific to see the difference to how it used to be for a short while to how it was going the last years.. i could cry all time i just look back at the past, i wish i could cry, but i cant get out a single tear anymore.. i feel like all life and energy has been deleted out of my life.. most times im not even able to remember the happy days i had at all, i have gone too far, at times it even feels like im dead already, i no longer know how it feels to be actually happy i believe..

fantasying about ctb and planing ctb are the only resources to feel somewhat alive.. i wonder how i've been able to continue just surviving over and over, whats the point of just surviving and not living a life which feels good?.. tired of this dull and pointless life.. pain so bad leaving me dissociated and cut off this life.. what actually is this and how people are even able to reproduce and fuel the chain of suffering..

I don't think I've ever been happy. I've experienced bouts of short lived joy in response to occasional personal (typically academic) achievements.
I wouldn't say that I've ever been happy though. Maybe in the womb before I was born haha.

 

[Lost.]

Yes

 

[whitetea]

I have been happy for the past couple of months. Think it's worse to actually experience happiness and then have the crash back down to reality.

 

[korosenai]

For me, the short times of happiness in life are completely outweighed by the long moments of depression and sadness.

 

[Soul]

I'm happy now, I think. I'm going to kill myself because of an oppressive illness, not because I'm depressed. It took years to get over childhood abuse, depression and a broken heart, but I patched the rickety vehicle of myself up somehow and got it in motion. Even though it's sometimes a rough ride and many of the delicate decorative bits have gotten chipped or knocked off, the main structure moves nonetheless, and it is good.

 

[Philosykos]

A couple of momentary episodes, yes, but never anything consistent. I think the last time was when I was sixteen and truly, deeply, madly in love for the first time. The time I've spent with him was free of all worry and constraints of reality. I'm not sure if he ever felt the same, but nonetheless, he cared for me and I for him. He saw me and I let him and, against all odds, he was not put off by what he saw but liked it. Regardless of whether he ever cherished feelings of a romantic nature for me or not, for a while, he gave me the feeling that I was okay the way I was and that it was worth liking and appreciating. That being with me was enjoyable. And for that, I'll be eternally grateful to him.

 

[madbananas]

A couple of momentary episodes, yes, but never anything consistent. I think the last time was when I was sixteen and truly, deeply, madly in love for the first time. The time I've spent with him was free of all worry and constraints of reality. I'm not sure if he ever felt the same, but nonetheless, he cared for me and I for him. He saw me and I let him and, against all odds, he was not put off by what he saw but liked it. Regardless of whether he ever cherished feelings of a romantic nature for me or not, for a while, he gave me the feeling that I was okay the way I was and that it was worth liking and appreciating. That being with me was enjoyable. And for that, I'll be eternally grateful to him.

this.
Exactly how I've felt with the two people in my life (not concurrently)

 

[muffin222]

Never, really. I've had moment of contentment and pleasure, but they were, in a way, a "smoke-screen" because underneath it I was suppressing a lot of unresolved trauma and pain that left my personality somewhat fragmented, split between "momentary happiness" and "painful truths/reality".

 

[GravityUtilizer]

2016 was the last time I had any friends or money so I guess then. I also feel alive when researching suicide :)

 

[Saddaisy]

I've never been happy, but I was ok waiting until I could go to Switzerland in 10 or so years since I liked my job and thought I had a partner who loved Me. Don't have either... hate my job and my jerk partner cheated on me and I can't say anything bc I snooped to find this out. So I'll just let him and everyone else find out soon.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

6 years ago and I feel like I forgot how being happy feels like. When everything was OK in my life. Now it sucks. I want to end it. Don't want more of this.

 

[andy69]

About 11 to12 years ago when I had a future.

 

[Deleted member 17331]

No, although I have had some daydreams in my life. I believe that true happiness is in my nonexistence.

 

[DeathNoot]

I had a decent few months sometime last year... beyond that, maybe all the way back in my childhood. Around elementary school? I'm speculating because while I think I was happy I don't specifically remember the actual feeling.

 

[mathieu]

I was happy when I was a kid. It hurts to think back on it. There were a couple of brief periods I was happy as an adult, mostly when I'd found meds that worked (however briefly).

 

[Aquiles Brinco]

I, too, remember the time but no so much the feeling.

 

[art711]

i was happy before i was ten

Same here. After 11 it all started going downhill. I'm amazed I've been 26 years like this. Enough is enough.

 

[FriendofDeath]

I would say that I've been a depressed person much of my life, and even as a child I considered dying. But there were things I liked to do and then I took my first meds and remember asking if that was how regular people felt? Flash forward and my current state is numbness with a great deal of sadness behind it. Partly still here due to my mother and furry critters. If my son was here, I would be as well.

So yes, I can remember. Can't see anything ahead at the moment.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I guess I was happy when I was about 3 or 4? I'm just assuming so because we have videos from that time frame and I seemed happy enough.

 

[Krash1990]

5 months ago. I had everything I ever dreamed of.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.

 

[raindrops]

Yep, only 3 months ago I had everything I wanted. My worry is I'll never be happy again but I'm hopeful so I'm choosing not to ctb.
You're right fantasising about fucking off from this planet makes me feel better, but I don't want to fantasise forever...I want peace in life.

I feel selfish wanting independence, a good job, peace, happiness, my own family, a husband who would be a best friend, soul mate, partner for life.
I can't trust anyone though, as soon as you get too close to someone they ruin your happiness!
If you're not fulfilling their needs to a certain extent people leave and that makes me think no one (man) wants to be happy.
I definitely have a co-dependency problem, I have no friends really because I base happiness around love and a relationship.
I wish I could just spend every day, every second with someone I love, it's weird but that's how I think I'll be truly happy...