iamsofkntired

iamsofkntired

Neither death can do us apart
Sep 28, 2023
115
Yes the all my family knows I'm suicidal after my last attempt , they will be shocked cuz I've been reassuring them for months but they know I will sooner or later , i feel bad for them but it is what it is
 
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M

Manfrotto99

Specialist
Oct 10, 2023
307
I very much try and hide it as best i can. A couple notice and care but are unable to do anything. Others including my abusive family just think of themselves and play a quilt trip, saying it's simply me trying to manipulating them. Little do they know how serious I am and how much they've contributed to it. But since I'm trying to manipulate them they can avoid all responsibility and blame me, which they love to do Nothing will change when I'm gone.
 
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LonelyFerret

LonelyFerret

Member
Oct 9, 2023
19
For me personally? 100% Ever since I bought my gun and really solidified that I'm going through with this, I'm a totally different person. I think about it all the time while I'm at work, I mean, you can just tell that I'm completely dead inside just by looking at me. I'm sure there will be an initial shock when I do CTB, but after a while, I think people will have recognized that there were always signs.
 
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K

KiraX

Member
Oct 20, 2023
59
My partner knows i actively want to ctb- he does not want me to do it.

My mom knows I'm having "thoughts" but does not think I would hurt myself.

My friends know I struggle with thoughts but I think only 1 knows I want to ctb

I'm pretty open with friends/family/therpists that I have thoughts honestly

They all wish they could help but honestly nothing they can do would help, and I'm already on max doses of ssri and the docs won't prescribe anything else.
 
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tiredplant777

tiredplant777

Student
Jul 23, 2021
196
No. I really keep to myself now anyway. I keep people at a distance because it is easier for me.
No. I really keep to myself now anyway. I keep people at a distance because it is easier for me.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,878
I'm not losing anything, permanently escaping from this harmful existence we were unfortunate enough to be burdened with is all that feels rational to me but sadly not everyone has the privilege of accessing reliable suicide methods. If it's possible to easily leave this existence in peace I'd feel so relieved and wouldn't even think about other people. Death is the most normal thing, we all have to die someday.
 
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S

SMmetalhead36

Ready to have my forever date with suicide
Oct 6, 2023
317
Some of the closest ones to me can tell I'm at a breaking point. I've stopped sharing my feelings and I've isolated from a lot of people. Soon, I'll be giving a lot of my things away. I'm trying to hang on but I'm ready to end it all. I want peace that I don't have here living. I'm already abusing alcohol so I might just drink myself till I get alcohol poisoning.
 
C

Christo

Member
Oct 10, 2023
20
People around me think I'm happy just because I have played someone else my entire life and no one really knows how I am.
I don't want to open up to people now either because I know people around me will try to "save" me, but it's not possible to save me so it's better to just keep playing the game until it's the end.
 
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S

SMmetalhead36

Ready to have my forever date with suicide
Oct 6, 2023
317
I'm not losing anything, permanently escaping from this harmful existence we were unfortunate enough to be burdened with is all that feels rational to me but sadly not everyone has the privilege of accessing reliable suicide methods. If it's possible to easily leave this existence in peace I'd feel so relieved and wouldn't even think about other people. Death is the most normal thing, we all have to die someday.
I feel the same way. I'll probably just drink myself till I get alcohol poisoning and jump off the bridge near where I live.
 
Tionally

Tionally

bored
Jul 5, 2023
115
I don't think so? They may know that I'm going through a bad period but I think that none of them think I'm capable of killing myself. Maybe they're right, I don't know I guess we'll see. It's not like most of them would care anyway
 
M

Morana

Member
Oct 22, 2023
15
I hide it because of my morals. However, some people in my life knew because I told them, but when they tried to help me nothing did improve, for years its always been the same feelings, the same thoughts in me. When I open up, only more people end up hurt and saddened, and I then feel immense guilt. And also, nothing improves. Life is sad enough, then why would I make the world even more sad. So when I open up about my true feelings, just more people are sad, on the other hand, if I don't open up, only I am, and at least if I can't be happy I want to be a good person.
 
Unhumanly.

Unhumanly.

Recovery are not the winner.
Feb 24, 2023
251
No, they don't even see me, I am a nothing unless they need some help which I think at some point there will be a good replacement of me for that, they will not care if I'm losing my shit or at the point to kill myself
 
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why am i alive?

why am i alive?

Look where i ended
Oct 18, 2023
103
Nah they have no idea. I just put on a fake smile and exist. I know that they all hate me so i don't think they care that much
 
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iamalreadydead

iamalreadydead

Student
Nov 25, 2022
139
They dont care
 
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narasаnu

narasаnu

Темнее всего перед рассветом.
Sep 24, 2023
8
I also want to write about it.

I think for all the few people I know this will be a surprise; I don't share with anyone the details of my life or what I think about.

Recently I had a chance to talk with a person who has similar thoughts but not so serious, perhaps he is the only one who will say "he had signs that he would do this", if he even finds out that I will disappear, because I want to do it quietly.

I only told my friends about it as a joke to see their reaction, so they might say it too.
 
ChantDuCygne

ChantDuCygne

Member
Aug 23, 2023
31
People are so clueless it's almost hard to believe. Actually, it is hard to understand. I feel like I have been begging for help for so long. Yet no one reacts. No one bothers to ask if I'm fine. Perhaps I am expected to be fine. Perhaps it is my fault for not being understood. I really wish someone would come and save me from this hell. I wish someone out there could understand. I wish I didn't feel so lonely. I have come to believe that normal people will never understand my concept of pain. I'm almost completely drained by now. I wish they could see the struggle inside. But even if they could, they would never understand.
 
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EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
3,638
Nope. I think they all assume that after my first attempt that I would never try something like that again, which is pretty funny since I was already thinking about trying again while I was in the ER.
 
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Shiva_Story

Shiva_Story

Student
Mar 12, 2023
134
no, i manage life just fine & plan to do so until my story is over.
 
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Sprite_Geist

Sprite_Geist

NULL
May 27, 2020
1,593
No - not that I know of. The plan is to keep it this way too.
 
D

Deleted member 65988

Guest
Nope, the best way to move is in silence when it comes to things like this, plus I don't wanna be sectioned or be spoken to in a way I don't like.
 
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SmollMushroom

SmollMushroom

send N pls
Sep 27, 2023
405
I feel like the people around me are expecting it from me.
Every single one of them, thinks they've done all they could for me, and now it's on me.
But they know I can't make it on my own.
So there's this awkward situation where they would like me not to ctb, but at the same time they have no idea on how to prevent me from doing it if I really wanted, so they silently accepted it as one of the possible outcomes.
 
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mob

mob

Student
Jul 19, 2023
136
I'm constantly miserable and it's pretty visible (although I try not to be so obvious about it). Just haven't attempted ctb in the past three years; so they probably don't think I will do it.
(In a "she's miserable but she's miserable all the time anyway" way.)
 
flutt3rshy

flutt3rshy

cutest pony
Oct 22, 2023
2
I wish they'd notice. I try to tell people but they don't listen.
I don't really want to die, I just need help. But people don't understand how bad I really feel.
I want to have a failed attempt just so people (especially my mom) realize just how bad I'm doing. I want her to feel guilty for everything she's said to me.
 
No1RegretsDying

No1RegretsDying

do not demolish my right to independence!
Apr 17, 2023
6
Yes, and directly in reference made jokes and thought it was funny... They almost had to rationalize why I shouldn't kill myself, which is a hard rationalisation to come to no matter how normal you are in the mind. I never admitted I was suicidal, but it's so obvious I'm severely mentally ill. This is why I have no shame in committing suicide, because everyone would feel more positive than negative or neutral.
 
D

Duality

Harmony in Duality
May 27, 2023
170
My older friends might not be surprised, but everyone at work and my newer friends will be. I've done a pretty good job at hiding my true feelings ever since my hospital stay years ago. Whatever, it's none of anyone's business why I want to CTB, and I frankly don't care how they'll feel when I'm gone.
 
xxpinkmoonglitterxx

xxpinkmoonglitterxx

What a shame she went mad. You made her like that.
Mar 24, 2023
85
People will be shocked and my only fear is that they will blame my partner for not stopping me.
 
T

tieiwi

Experienced
Dec 11, 2021
240
Nope. No one in my life pays enough attention to notice. They label me off as sensitive and dramatic anyway so. Now that I think about it no one really cares. I could scream in their faces that I want to kill myself and it somehow would turn into an argument.
 
murmur

murmur

cage
Dec 11, 2022
130
I try to keep up with my bodily necessities as to make my life less tedious or noticeable, i could be perceived as someone seeking longevity looking at the way i live, but I would like to exit life sooner than later. I think anybody I feel comfortable joking around with might sense that I have at most some passive ideations, it probably just comes off as dark humor.
 
fishlover

fishlover

in the end, nothing matters
Sep 17, 2023
114
no. i feel lucky that i can get away with things, but also sad that no one seems to care enough to put two and two together. its also a bit shocking they havent figured it out yet, i mean my own mother's father k1lled himself when i was a child. you would think she has experience with what depression looks like. and yet, ive gotten into these situations where my intentions, my depression, wanting to CTB, are stupidly obvious- and i make the most pathetic, lame excuses and lies and they buy it. they actually believe me and i get away with it. sure, its not like i want to be found out, but its just,, wow...
 
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thegrey

thegrey

New Member
Jul 10, 2023
1
I'm on the spectrum for autism, so no one takes me seriously. I am either patronized, Infantilized, belittled, or treated like an idiot or a child.

People are aware I have issues, but they still minimize everything because of how they perceive me. I have PTSD from an accident that happened when I was a kid, and even with something as serious as that, they still minimize it.

To them my pain isn't valid. Nothing could ever be worse than what they've been through. Their pain is more important and severe than anyone else's. To them I'm just am overdramatic overly sensitive dumb autistic man with insignificant issues. To them my pain is not, and frankly will not ever be valid in their eyes.
 
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