Can´t be happy for my friends having kids

[CrazyMary]

I don´t want to have kids, I have thought this way for over 10 years. I think the world is going to hell for a long time, that people suffer here, that economy sucks world wide, that I live in a shitty country (I live in a third world country) that is just going to get worst, that they are to expensive to sustain and a huuge responsability. I also am afraid to get a sick kid or to transfer all my traumas and depression to a kid. Recently a couple of my friends had kids. I can´t be happy for them.
One of them wanted it but he has a loong history of mental problems in his family. He has a sick uncle, sick brother and sick nephew. The numbers are just against him and now he wants a second one! Idk for me it sounds super stupid.
The other one didn´t want the baby but his wife pestered him about it. She is old and was her last chance to have one. After years of trying and differnet treatments they eventually were able to have it. But he didn´t want it. He finally started to get excited once she got pregnant. He is too old to have it, basically he will be a grandpa to his kid and probably will never see him get married maybe not even finish college.

Anyway I have to fake to be happy about it but in reallity I think they fucked up. I don´t think I am a bad person just different and more realistic opinions.

 

[Hollowman]

People who have kids on purpose are selfish and stupid.

 

[Sakura94]

I just don't like it because everyone else is moving on with their life except for me.

 

[jakaranda3]

I just don't like it because everyone else is moving on with their life except for me.

We kinda feel inadequate. Thats why is important to connect with people with similar interests.

 

[Crazy4u]

The examples in your thread are annoying. Who wants to inherit medical problems? people can be so selfish and self centered it amazes me

 

[DeutscheKartoffel]

Watch out for rocks coming our way.

People gonna stone us to death for antinatalism.

Usually the same people that shouldn't be reproducing.
——————————————————


My opinion is people in a favourable position should procreate and procreate more and those not, prevented from doing so, if they are unable to escape from their own objective misfortunes.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

The examples in your thread are annoying. Who wants to inherit medical problems? people can be so selfish and self centered it amazes me

It is nigh-impossible to reason with those with medical issues who procreate knowing that their children will inherit those same problems. The usual response defending this is always emotion-based, driven by their own selfish feelings, often around the lines of "life is beautiful no matter what!", rather than taking even a few seconds to consider the risks of procreating and the wellbeing of their offspring.

 

[CowsAreCool]

It's okay to not want kids. But you shouldn't hate people who do. I think theres value and beauty in life. I see it, even though I don't experience it.

You can acknowledge others don't share your suffering, but you don't have to resent them for it.

I think you should try to find it in your heart to be happy for them. Theres a good chance the kid will live a happy life.

 

[Chiisai]

It's okay to not want kids. But you shouldn't hate people who do. I think theres value and beauty in life. I see it, even though I don't experience it.

You can acknowledge others don't share your suffering, but you don't have to resent them for it.

I think you should try to find it in your heart to be happy for them. Theres a good chance the kid will live a happy life.

A rational approach devoid of one's personal bias. Makes me believe there are still good people in this world. Thank you

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It's okay to not want kids. But you shouldn't hate people who do. I think theres value and beauty in life. I see it, even though I don't experience it.

You can acknowledge others don't share your suffering, but you don't have to resent them for it.

I think you should try to find it in your heart to be happy for them. Theres a good chance the kid will live a happy life.

Yeah I agree with this. Whether others have kids has literally no bearing on your own life. Most people I speak to seem love their lives.

Who are we to say "you're dumb, poor, ugly, sick, you shouldn't procreate"? I know it's fun and all, but your opinion on other people's families is not important.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that it can never be a good thing to bring humans into a world where there is unlimited potential for suffering. We were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. Existence is completely pointless and unnecessary. To me, it is very depressing to hear of people being born into this horrible world.

 

[CrazyMary]

Watch out for rocks coming our way.

People gonna stone us to death for antinatalism.

Usually the same people that shouldn't be reproducing.
——————————————————


My opinion is people in a favourable position should procreate and procreate more and those not, prevented from doing so, if they are unable to escape from their own objective misfortunes.

Awesome video thanks for sharing it. Will read the book for sure.

It's okay to not want kids. But you shouldn't hate people who do. I think theres value and beauty in life. I see it, even though I don't experience it.

You can acknowledge others don't share your suffering, but you don't have to resent them for it.

I think you should try to find it in your heart to be happy for them. Theres a good chance the kid will live a happy life.

I don´t hate them nor hate the situation. I am just not happy about it. I can´t share the happiness, specially in cases where it seems most likely the kid and the parents will suffer. I can understand a healthy young couple having kids, I won´t really be happy about them but can understand. However super old prents or people with genetic problems....

Yeah I agree with this. Whether others have kids has literally no bearing on your own life. Most people I speak to seem love their lives.

Who are we to say "you're dumb, poor, ugly, sick, you shouldn't procreate"? I know it's fun and all, but your opinion on other people's families is not important.

I agree it is not important and doesn´t change what they think. Just cI can´t shar etheir happiness and I knwo it will probably bite em back.

 

[waitingforrest]

Same, I feel so cynical when I hear people are having kids. I know people will call me a jerk for thinking that, but I can't help it. I just dislike the idea of adding more life on a dying planet. I don't understand why people are so intent on having kids with their own genes.

So this is why I don't talk about babies with anyone in real life. Because I become Edgy™.

 

[DeprivedofLife666]

I too also don't like when people who know that they have Problems/Poor as hell/Etc. Choose to breed. Like WTF? Because I was the result of not one fucked up parent, but two! (She snuck out of the house at 17 and fucked some dude she didn't know that well in some crack basement...) Yeah I didn't ask to be born. I will NEVER EVER add to the fucked up gene tree. No thank you. I don't even like kids.

And it pisses me off even more that the Gyn. Doctor STILL refuses to let me get my tubes tied despite telling her my very valid and responsible reason not to reproduce, even at the age of 31.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

I too also don't like when people who know that they have Problems/Poor as hell/Etc. Choose to breed. Like WTF? Because I was the result of not one fucked up parent, but two! (She snuck out of the house at 17 and fucked some dude she didn't know that well in some crack basement...) Yeah I didn't ask to be born. I will NEVER EVER add to the fucked up gene tree. No thank you. I don't even like kids.

And it pisses me off even more that the Gyn. Doctor STILL refuses to let me get my tubes tied despite telling her my very valid and responsible reason not to reproduce, even at the age of 31.

I found a directory of childfree friendly doctors who could provide or support sterilization surgeries (e.i. vasectomy, tubal ligation, and bilateral salpingectomy): https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors. Maybe you can find one in your area who can help you obtain tubal ligation. Good luck!

 

[DeprivedofLife666]

I found a directory of childfree friendly doctors who could provide or support sterilization surgeries (e.i. vasectomy, tubal ligation, and bilateral salpingectomy): https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors. Maybe you can find one in your area who can help you obtain tubal ligation. Good luck!

Oh thank you!!

 

[TheWood]

In general I've never liked who decide to have children. Specifically I think that if a couple has all the healthy requirements (they have no money problems, they have no mental or physical illnesses, they are emotionally available to give affection and attention) then they're also right to start a family. But if, on the contrary, the fundamental bases for a healthy and balanced growth of the minor are lacking, then no. Too many people have children only for pure egoism and ignorance or to please the partner who would otherwise run away. This is how heavy and toxic situations are created

 

[demuic]

I know it's fun and all, but your opinion on other people's families is not important.

No one's opinion on anything is important or matters. Yet we all have our opinions anyway.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

No one's opinion on anything is important or matters. Yet we all have our opinions anyway.

If you feel like you're qualified to speak on other people's eligibility as far as starting a family or whatever, then fair enough. I don't have that illusion about myself.

 

[the_town_manager]

If you feel like you're qualified to speak on other people's eligibility as far as starting a family or whatever, then fair enough. I don't have that illusion about myself.

I think procreation is inherently immoral. It's always a pointless risk taken with someone else's life. There's no qualifications needed to hold this position. Or no more qualifications than thinking procreation is fine or that only the parents can have any position on it or whatever.

Even if one doesn't think all procreation is immoral, there's clearly gotta be at least some situations for every thinking person where they'd find procreation immoral. So it's merely a matter of where you draw the line. Never taking a position doesn't equal being enlightened either.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think procreation is inherently immoral. It's always a pointless risk taken with someone else's life. There's no qualifications needed to hold this position.

If you're going to negatively judge others for succumbing to probably the most basic human instinct and be such an outlier in terms of your mentality towards it, then you probably should have some type of compelling argument.

I don't even want kids myself, but I can't tell you or the next person what to do with your DNA. The arrogance of the "pregnant? Stupid bitch!" crowd on here is pretty sickening imo. But yeah, I guess I'm in the minority here.

 

[the_town_manager]

If you're going to negatively judge others for succumbing to probably the most basic human instinct and be such an outlier in terms of your mentality towards it, then you probably should have some type of compelling argument.

I think I do. As I said, it's an unnecessary risk taken with someone else's life. That's pretty damn compelling to me. But it's not like I think every parent is a monster and beneath me. I just think it's an irresponsible act to gamble with someone else's life. And the more stacked the chances are against the kid, like in the OP, the more irresponsible it is. Most people here are probably the product of just such irresponsible parents. Why wouldn't we have a problem with this absurdly carefree attitude people have towards having kids? The fact that it's the most basic instinct that people have should call for more moral scrutiny, not less, because people are liable to be the least thoughtful about anything to do with basic instincts.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

I think I do. As I said, it's an unnecessary risk taken with someone else's life. That's pretty damn compelling to me. But it's not like I think every parent is a monster and beneath me. I just think it's an irresponsible act to gamble with someone else's life. And the more stacked the chances are against the kid, like in the OP, the more irresponsible it is. Most people here are probably the product of just such irresponsible parents. Why wouldn't we have a problem with this absurdly carefree attitude people have towards having kids? The fact that it's the most basic instinct that people have should call for more moral scrutiny, not less, because people are liable to be the least thoughtful about anything to do with basic instincts.

Makes me think about hot wheels wishing he hadn't been born. I guess people should try to be careful about the potential health issues their child may have but I fall on the side of people should have children if it's what they want.

I have sympathy for people whose only life (as far as we know) is immediately ruined by problems such as mental deficiencies.

But yeah, I guess I'm in the minority here.

I agree with you wholeheartedly until I see the lady on welfare going for her seventh kid and then I begin to worry for the future of society and perhaps my wallet.

 

[summers]

The arrogance of the "pregnant? Stupid bitch!" crowd on here is pretty sickening imo. But yeah, I guess I'm in the minority here.

That's what I think, but mainly because I'm like have fun watching your kid while I'm traveling, buying whatever I want, and getting laid on the regular. I've said it before, the happiest, most carefree people I know are those who don't have kids.

 

[Britvik]

I don´t want to have kids, I have thought this way for over 10 years. I think the world is going to hell for a long time, that people suffer here, that economy sucks world wide, that I live in a shitty country (I live in a third world country) that is just going to get worst, that they are to expensive to sustain and a huuge responsability. I also am afraid to get a sick kid or to transfer all my traumas and depression to a kid. Recently a couple of my friends had kids. I can´t be happy for them.
One of them wanted it but he has a loong history of mental problems in his family. He has a sick uncle, sick brother and sick nephew. The numbers are just against him and now he wants a second one! Idk for me it sounds super stupid.
The other one didn´t want the baby but his wife pestered him about it. She is old and was her last chance to have one. After years of trying and differnet treatments they eventually were able to have it. But he didn´t want it. He finally started to get excited once she got pregnant. He is too old to have it, basically he will be a grandpa to his kid and probably will never see him get married maybe not even finish college.

Anyway I have to fake to be happy about it but in reallity I think they fucked up. I don´t think I am a bad person just different and more realistic opinions.

Can I ask why you've shared this?
I'm not trying to be judgemental, I'm just curious.

 

[summers]

Can I ask why you've shared this?
I'm not trying to be judgemental, I'm just curious.

Not to answer for @CrazyMary but maybe they are sick of having to pretend to be happy when people get pregnant/have kids. It would be nice to be honest for once.

 

[Britvik]

Not to answer for @CrazyMary but maybe they are sick of having to pretend to be happy when people get pregnant/have kids. It would be nice to be honest for once.

You don't have to be happy that someone has had a child. But, doesn't it make you happy that someone else has found some happiness?

Being honest is admirable. But, it doesn't necessitate that you go around putting others down, judging them for wanting to be happy and doing something you don't want to do, just because that's how you might feel. In such situations, it might just be better to keep your thoughts to yourself, so as not to add to the negativity in the world. Most people here think the world is a miserable enough place as it is. Why add to it?

 

[summers]

You don't have to be happy that someone has had a child. But, doesn't it make you happy that someone else has found some happiness?

Being honest is admirable. But, it doesn't necessitate that you go around putting others down, judging them for wanting to be happy and doing something you don't want to do, just because that's how you might feel. In such situations, it might just be better to keep your thoughts to yourself, so as not to add to the negativity in the world. Most people here think the world is a miserable enough place as it is. Why add to it?

First, the happiness they feel is short lived. Even if anecdotally, I don't know any truly happy parents. Quite honestly, they do nothing but complain about not having enough time or money.

Second, we don't say anything. I don't give one f about someone having kids. Pretty much, you have kids, you're out of my circle of friends. This even goes for my family. I have better things to do than hang around with people who have to watch kids.

All I'm saying is it would be nice to finally be able to ask someone "what exactly are you getting out of having a kid?" Then, when the person replies with "someone to love me" or "someone for me to love" I can be honest and tell them just how pathetic it is to want love from someone who doesn't have a choice.

 

[Britvik]

First, the happiness they feel is short lived. Even if anecdotally, I don't know any truly happy parents. Quite honestly, they do nothing but complain about not having enough time or money.

Second, we don't say anything. I don't give one f about someone having kids. Pretty much, you have kids, you're out of my circle of friends. This even goes for my family. I have better things to do than hang around with people who have to watch kids.

All I'm saying is it would be nice to finally be able to ask someone "what exactly are you getting out of having a kid?" Then, when the person replies with "someone to love me" or "someone for me to love" I can be honest and tell them just how pathetic it is to want love from someone who doesn't have a choice.

So, everyone who doesn't have kids is happy? Judging by the comments on here that is a plainly ludicrous suggestion. Can we agree, sensibly, that people are both happy and sad whether they have kids or not?

You are free to associate with whomever you please. I think you've made a sensible decision not to associate with parents, given your views. Hopefully, they'll cope.

Why is it any of your business what someone is getting out of having children. I thought you didn't "give one fuck"?

 

[summers]

So, everyone who doesn't have kids is happy? Judging by the comments on here that is a plainly ludicrous suggestion. Can we agree, sensibly, that people are both happy and sad whether they have kids or not?

Sorry, until I see otherwise, I can't. Please show me these truly happy parents.

You are free to associate with whomever you please. I think you've made a sensible decision not to associate with parents, given your views. Hopefully, they'll cope.

I'm sure they will.

Why is it any of your business what someone is getting out of having children. I thought you didn't "give one fuck"?

I don't care, but I would like to be able to ask that question nonetheless. Why is it fine for people with kids to ask me why I don't have them? And of course I have to lie to not hurt their feelings. And it's much much worse for women without kids. Look at childfree on reddit, and you'll see how women without children are constantly harassed for their choice.

It's like the people with kids can't stand that people are actually happy and free.