Can someone just kill me

[DepressedAngel]

Mom just told me I'm not taking care of myself and I'm never going to get better. I can't stop crying. She wonders why I never tell her anything and it's because anything I say she uses it against me. She said I'm not making an effort to take care of myself at all and why won't I just spend time with her and my sister. She has no idea how much energy it takes for me to get out of bed every single morning and how little sleep over because of PTSD nightmares and nightmares about @Tearygirl and how I couldn't help her. That's my self care- not staying in bed and not trying to kill myself every single fucking day. Why does no one understand how I feel? I feel so alone. The few people I have left either don't understand how I feel or don't care. I just want someone to take care of me until I feel better or take the pain away, not make it worse.

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry. I understand. Since my husband ctb it takes all I have to get out of bed and dress myself. I dont cook for myself anymore. I need someone to take care of me :(

 

[Innereye]

I know the situation well, im free to talk whenever if you want to hear some insight

 

[DepressedAngel]

I know the situation well, im free to talk whenever if you want to hear some insight

Thank you so much I'm here for you too :)

 

[trouble]

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time right now. I can totally understand how you feel, and I'm sorry you lost someone (- hopefully they're in a better place now, may they rest in peace).
I hope you'll feel better soon mentally, and also, what your mom said is so, so wrong. If you want to get better, you can. Of course it's gonna be a bumpy road but recovery is always possible :)

 

[Thereisnothing]

Mom just told me I'm not taking care of myself and I'm never going to get better. I can't stop crying. She wonders why I never tell her anything and it's because anything I say she uses it against me. She said I'm not making an effort to take care of myself at all and why won't I just spend time with her and my sister. She has no idea how much energy it takes for me to get out of bed every single morning and how little sleep over because of PTSD nightmares and nightmares about @Tearygirl and how I couldn't help her. That's my self care- not staying in bed and not trying to kill myself every single fucking day. Why does no one understand how I feel? I feel so alone. The few people I have left either don't understand how I feel or don't care. I just want someone to take care of me until I feel better or take the pain away, not make it worse.

I wish I was there in person to help you and I really mean that. Its a hideously cruel world to be in and survive/exist in when people either dont understand or care. i dont just 'get' why people are so bad at understanding and lending a hand and shoulder. Tearygirl knew how much you cared about her, we all know too and I find it very hard when people choose to end it here, because I feel their pain and feel so damn hopeless as cant help them. I think we have to take comfort from that we do all we can for one another and since been a member here, I have always noticed and been very touched by all the kindness, gentleness and compassion you show to others. YOU deserve some of this and we all do, noone should have to face this relentless pain minute to hour, day in week out.
I am lost to know how to help myself, lost to know how to help others, but I do hope I make some difference by just being here.
Tearygirl will know how much you love her and vice versa, plus I for one care greatly about how you are feeling and what you are going through. I know I cant change your situation but so wish I could. xx You are special xx

 

[Flippy]

I know that feeling when people tell you it's good for you to get out of bed nice and early and do all the things that seem so pointless. Sleeping is my best self care too, but I just can't seem to sleep no matter what I do. I might get a few hours if I'm lucky. I also had the kind of mother who would constantly say "oh you never talk about things..." But I had learned, sharing anything with her would result in her torturing me later when she knew where I was vulnerable.

 

[DepressedAngel]

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time right now. I can totally understand how you feel, and I'm sorry you lost someone (- hopefully they're in a better place now, may they rest in peace).
I hope you'll feel better soon mentally, and also, what your mom said is so, so wrong. If you want to get better, you can. Of course it's gonna be a bumpy road but recovery is always possible :)

Thank you. Sending love

I wish I was there in person to help you and I really mean that. Its a hideously cruel world to be in and survive/exist in when people either dont understand or care. i dont just 'get' why people are so bad at understanding and lending a hand and shoulder. Tearygirl knew how much you cared about her, we all know too and I find it very hard when people choose to end it here, because I feel their pain and feel so damn hopeless as cant help them. I think we have to take comfort from that we do all we can for one another and since been a member here, I have always noticed and been very touched by all the kindness, gentleness and compassion you show to others. YOU deserve some of this and we all do, noone should have to face this relentless pain minute to hour, day in week out.
I am lost to know how to help myself, lost to know how to help others, but I do hope I make some difference by just being here.
Tearygirl will know how much you love her and vice versa, plus I for one care greatly about how you are feeling and what you are going through. I know I cant change your situation but so wish I could. xx You are special xx

Thank you so much you have no idea what your words mean to me. I'm crying bc of your post thank you so much

 

[Polly]

I know that feeling when people tell you it's good for you to get out of bed nice and early and do all the things that seem so pointless. Sleeping is my best self care too, but I just can't seem to sleep no matter what I do. I might get a few hours if I'm lucky. I also had the kind of mother who would constantly say "oh you never talk about things..." But I had learned, sharing anything with her would result in her torturing me later when she knew where I was vulnerable.

Yes had a similar mother. Protect yourself.

 

[Thereisnothing]

Thank you. Sending love ❤

Thank you so much you have no idea what your words mean to me. I'm crying bc of your post thank you so much❤❤❤

I only speak the truth, nothing more, and I meant every word. Now now, dont go getting yourself all crying, you'll set me off!

 

[MysticPerception]

She what? Excuse me? That's beyond terrible. What the hell is wrong with some people I swear. I almost wonder if she wanted you to challenge her and rise to the occasion to prove her wrong but if that was the case her plan backfired horribly and she should feel bad about saying something so awful to you. I'm sorry your mother isn't supportive at all but we know you can get better. I understand the feeling of not being able to help someone who passed here. I still feel like I might have been wrong to just let @Rena rossy drink her SN without even asking her if she's sure or not. It's an awful feeling but I hope you don't let it overwhelm you completely. Please stay strong, everyone is here to support you when you need it.

 

[Carina]

How can your mom say that to you? That's horrible! I am so sorry. It's like some people are so blind to what people are going through when you'd think it should be so obvious. It's so hard when people in your life don't even realize or care about how you're doing and say and do things that hurt you even more.
At least you can talk here, vent, and can be supportive if you want :)

 

[BPD Barbie]

Hey, you're doing your best, and you know what? That's OK. That's good enough. You're trying your hardest every single day to do what you feel able to and what you can. Be proud of yourself. So you didn't shower today or you stayed in bed late, that's OK. You didn't feel able to do more today. We are proud of you, we are proud of you every single day

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. Sending you big hugs.

 

[TheOA]

I just want to give you a hug.
(Hug)

 

[Jean4]

Lordy, do I relate. One of the reasons, I could tell nothing to my mother. I really wanted a mother I could share things with. It wasn't meant to be. Know you have us, and we understand.

I have been doing this. Maybe it will help you. Every single day, write what needs to be done for the day. I start with take my meds, and it is followed by Shower and Brush My Teeth.

It helps me, and also, it gives you a sense of pride when you accomplish something. I went over a month without showering and lord knows when I brushed my teeth. I am almost on two weeks doing it right now... and you know what? If I didn't shower and do it for the day, I didn't beat myself up. I added it to tomorrow's list and did it then.

Remember again. We are always here for you. :)

 

[DepressedAngel]

Hey, you're doing your best, and you know what? That's OK. That's good enough. You're trying your hardest every single day to do what you feel able to and what you can. Be proud of yourself. So you didn't shower today or you stayed in bed late, that's OK. You didn't feel able to do more today. We are proud of you, we are proud of you every single day ♥

That's really what I needed to hear, thank you so much. Sending love

Lordy, do I relate. One of the reasons, I could tell nothing to my mother. I really wanted a mother I could share things with. It wasn't meant to be. Know you have us, and we understand.

I have been doing this. Maybe it will help you. Every single day, write what needs to be done for the day. I start with take my meds, and it is followed by Shower and Brush My Teeth.

It helps me, and also, it gives you a sense of pride when you accomplish something. I went over a month without showering and lord knows when I brushed my teeth. I am almost on two weeks doing it right now... and you know what? If I didn't shower and do it for the day, I didn't beat myself up. I added it to tomorrow's list and did it then.

Remember again. We are always here for you. :)

I will definitely try that, thank you so much :)