Can people still hold down jobs?

[lokimotion]

I've suffered from depression for a while - and for a while I could put up a front and fool everybody into thinking that I was fine, that there was nothing going on. Several months ago I crossed a threshold and now I can't do that anymore. I feel like I'm slowly losing my mental faculties and after switching to some new medication, that decline has got even quicker. I was holding down a corporate job but had to sign off, as I could no longer actually do anything effectively - I'd basically spend hours just staring at the same slide/memo having no idea how to take things forward and becoming too distracted with my own anxiety/internal rumination spiral to do anything. Even basic tasks felt like mountains to climb and are things I never would have struggled with in the past.

Has anyone else managed to navigate a job while still feeling suicidal? Has anyone else experienced a severe cognitive decline / confusion/ lack of motivation to do things at a relatively young age (I'm 36)? I don't know whether this is just part of the depression or whether there's something deeper going on, but it's made me question whether I'm ever going to be able to hold down employment, or at least the types of job I've been doing for the last decade or so. Kind of irrelevant if I plan on CTB but I'd be interested to know if anyone else has experienced similar.

 

[Ldog9]

I'm experiencing the same right now trying to find a job. I'm similar age and have an in demand stem education. But my depression and anxiety have made job hunting/interviews an absolute nightmare. My fear is if by some miracle I do get hired, I wouldn't be able to hold it down and my situation wouldn't improve because of the same reasons you mentioned. Like you said, its hard to stay motivated or focused when you think you may have one foot in one foot out with ctb.

 

[Sm42]

When I was 37 I started to feel as you describe. Wird, loosing capacities and I really had to stop working. Now I will be 43 in August and the unpleasant symptoms that started just a few hours a day are now constant. I have lost my personality, moving is almost impossible and I live hell. The thing is that I wasn't able to go back to work anymore. I really hope that not happen to you.
I also hope you are more lucky with doctors than I was.

 

[lokimotion]

When I was 37 I started to feel as you describe. Wird, loosing capacities and I really had to stop working. Now I will be 43 in August and the unpleasant symptoms that started just a few hours a day are now constant. I have lost my personality, moving is almost impossible and I live hell. The thing is that I wasn't able to go back to work anymore. I really hope that not happen to you.
I also hope you are more lucky with doctors than I was.

What did your doctors say to you? I know exactly what you mean about losing your personality - this has also happened to me and it's impacted relationships aswell. Things got so bad that I actually ordered a private MRI because I refused to accept that what was happening to me was purely due to depression. I was actually praying they would find something so then at least I'd be able to point to the problem...

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I've been able to hold onto my job, but I've been avoiding things I don't have the energy for. Like, I used to really care about being on time, now I'm usually late. My workplace persona is slipping, and I can't emote cheerfully the way people expect me to.

I think I've experienced the cognitive decline, and I'm only 27. It is so, so hard to hold my focus on anything, even my own thoughts or feelings just slide away and I'm left blank. I used to be so good at understanding why I felt a certain way, now it's all mush. I forget that I even was upset, or happy, much less why.

Verbally, I trip over my words a lot more than I used to. I say the wrong thing constantly, usually just nonsense words, and always have to stop to correct myself. It would be concerning... If I could focus enough to be worried. But that just disappears, too.

 

[kitch]

We are all trapped in the civilizational set up .

I think we feel it subconsciously before we do the math.

This is an unprecedented time in history .
All we can do is hold on to our shit and be kind to other people.

Positive cognitive dissonance is how I think of it ...

Realizing that it is all insane , but carrying on somehow.

I truelly believe it is not the individuals problem , it is the meta narrative grinding us down .

Our species has really fucked it up ... and we are invited to individually take responsibility .
I say , No .

I am not taking responsibility for being sensitive to the insanity of the (mis)management of the world.

How we all negotiate reality with that point of view is up to each individual.

(sorry if this is insensitive or bad in some way ... I've had a few wines ...)

I wish you the best .

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Depression has wrecked my entire professional life for decades. Ive either been overwhelmed by anxiety or fatigued by antidepressants. It's been a train wreck.

 

[Sm42]

What did your doctors say to you? I know exactly what you mean about losing your personality - this has also happened to me and it's impacted relationships aswell. Things got so bad that I actually ordered a private MRI because I refused to accept that what was happening to me was purely due to depression. I was actually praying they would find something so then at least I'd be able to point to the problem...

Still I don't have a real diagnostic. Because what I describe I feel in my body and brain is physically impossible, they pointed to mental illness although no clue which one. For all over this almost 6 years I have tried everything from normal medicine till holistic and nobody found a reason and at every try things just went to worse.
Now I am just visiting my friends in my original country to say them secretly goodbye. I wish I could go back to my original me but reality has brought me to think on leaving this world I really used to enjoy.
Maybe you should try a neurological test to begin with. Looking at your brain health is always a good beginning .
So

Still I don't have a real diagnostic. Because what I describe I feel in my body and brain is physically impossible, they pointed to mental illness although no clue which one. For all over this almost 6 years I have tried everything from normal medicine till holistic and nobody found a reason and at every try things just went to worse.
Now I am just visiting my friends in my original country to say them secretly goodbye. I wish I could go back to my original me but reality has brought me to think on leaving this world I really used to enjoy.
Maybe you should try a neurological test to begin with. Looking at your brain health is always a good beginning .

Sorry! Now I realized that you already did.
Then you are just in the same real wird situation as me. I am so sorry
So

Still I don't have a real diagnostic. Because what I describe I feel in my body and brain is physically impossible, they pointed to mental illness although no clue which one. For all over this almost 6 years I have tried everything from normal medicine till holistic and nobody found a reason and at every try things just went to worse.
Now I am just visiting my friends in my original country to say them secretly goodbye. I wish I could go back to my original me but reality has brought me to think on leaving this world I really used to enjoy.
Maybe you should try a neurological test to begin with. Looking at your brain health is always a good beginning .

Sorry! Now I realized that you already did.
Then you are just in the same real wird situation as me. I am so sorry

 

[callme]

I've been able to hold onto my job, but I've been avoiding things I don't have the energy for. Like, I used to really care about being on time, now I'm usually late. My workplace persona is slipping, and I can't emote cheerfully the way people expect me to.

I think I've experienced the cognitive decline, and I'm only 27. It is so, so hard to hold my focus on anything, even my own thoughts or feelings just slide away and I'm left blank. I used to be so good at understanding why I felt a certain way, now it's all mush. I forget that I even was upset, or happy, much less why.

Verbally, I trip over my words a lot more than I used to. I say the wrong thing constantly, usually just nonsense words, and always have to stop to correct myself. It would be concerning... If I could focus enough to be worried. But that just disappears, too.

Manual labour by chance? That's mostly what it very much is when described.

 

[Deformationalplagio]

Yes it happened to me to much anxiety for work because there's to much stigma about conditions like mine im home now for almost a year and im trying to make it permanent. Its actually crazy it wasnt permanent from the beginning because i suffer a rather extreme deformity of the head/face

 

[The nerd]

Depression/anxiety absolutely can cause mental fog, which is what it sounds like. I turned to legal cannabis and haven't looked back. Fixed me up well and I don't take medication even though Docs have tried many times.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I might be able to if i force myself to, but why bother? I don't intend to live past 2022.

 

[AloneInCollege]

I totally relate to you, and a lot of people in this thread. It sucks because I need money, especially since I'm starting year 2 of college soon, but I just can't do things. I worked for McDonald's for a year in 2020 and idk know how I managed that. Now I occasionally do Doordash, but poor payment and problems with my phone connecting to the car means I did that once in the month I've been back.

 

[peanuts]

I'm still at the point where most of the time I can still put on a happy front at least while at work, people know I'm unwell mentally but not to this extent. I no longer bother trying to socialize outside of work. I'm a nurse and I feel like my job is my only purpose - saving little babies in intensive care. I put everything i have into it. Not a great look when I end up in my own hospital's emergency room after an OD.

 

[watchingthewheels]

Has anyone else managed to navigate a job while still feeling suicidal? Has anyone else experienced a severe cognitive decline / confusion/ lack of motivation to do things at a relatively young age (I'm 36)?

I'm currently working a temp job to buy myself some time, after being layed off in Feb from my last job of 9 years, since my unemployment was still in limbo at the time. It's tough to put on the "song and dance", but I've been there for a couple of months. But knowing that this is temporary helps with that, as does the fact that I mostly work alone, as opposed to being actively involved with others beyond the casual interactions. There have been days where my mood's almost gotten the best of me, but oddly enough, not enough to get me "fired"...but as far as the actual work itself, that's not the problem; just the pretending around people that everything's "normal".

I've had that problem in the past, though, of mental fog and motivation, when I was much younger. There were jobs where my body just rebelled; my mind said "no", my legs got rubbery and wouldn't let me walk. It's easier now to fake it, but having a set plan helps with that, too, knowing that it's just temporary. (Plus the *motivation* of having to pay bills with no one to fall back on.) But even then, I've had a few days lately where I didn't think I'd make it through the day, and if I the same self I was when I was younger, I wouldn't have.

 

[justagreenleaf]

This is my current experience. I am unable to work due to severe depression, currently on disability. Not sure where to go from here. I can't imagine going back to normal considering how treatment resistant I've been.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

My career was always the primary piece of my life that kept me going. I enjoyed what I do and I'm very good at it, so there have been many times in my life where I have just buried myself in the work. Combine that with my ability to compartmentalize pretty good and work was always a good weapon against the depression. It doesn't seem to work as well these days. I just don't get as much self-satisfaction from it as I did in the past and I am only a few years from retirement, so it is really so much harder now to make myself do the work thing anymore. That is also probably why my suicidal thoughts break through more these days.

 

[Slimetae]

Nah don't really got the energy I uh don't really see the point anymore .

 

[jimmy7754]

I'm still at the point where most of the time I can still put on a happy front at least while at work, people know I'm unwell mentally but not to this extent. I no longer bother trying to socialize outside of work. I'm a nurse and I feel like my job is my only purpose - saving little babies in intensive care. I put everything i have into it. Not a great look when I end up in my own hospital's emergency room after an OD.

This is the problem with being in healthcare.. I took care of my father dying of cancer thereafter worked 3 years in a nursing home then switch into another healthcare job and I'm just burned out from giving and giving and giving.. it's not genuine after awhile and I convinced myself I have to do it for money.. and now I'm a muppet.

 

[Lost Magic]

Depression, anxiety and a shitty environment didn't help my situation. Work was always a nightmare and if they ever told me to try to find work again, I would say okay and then drink my N. Fuck the system. Fuck society. Fuck this world.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Have you talked about your concerns with your doctor? Your change in medication may have something to do with it.

I've always been very high functioning in my depression. I was a college professor for years and was known as a young, vibrant, dynamic teacher. No one would guess that I was severely depressed and often suicidal. I stopped teaching about three years ago, but I still work in a pretty demanding field. It's remote, though, so I don't have to "put on a happy face" as often. I don't feel a decline in work function, though. Honestly, completing tasks is the only thing that keeps me from thinking about killing myself.

 

[ornitier199]

I cannot anymore.i always end up at the hosptial two weeks in.
Luckily i know the ropes to get out after 3 days

 

[Why Me?]

I feel like I'm slowly losing my mental faculties and after switching to some new medication, that decline has got even quicker.

Could very well be the new medication that is causing your recent problems. Sometimes medications can have horrible side effects that you doctor may not inform you about, and everyone's body & brain is different. Sometimes the doctor may be in denial of your side effects if they are not common, this has been my experience.

 

[peanuts]

This is the problem with being in healthcare.. I took care of my father dying of cancer thereafter worked 3 years in a nursing home then switch into another healthcare job and I'm just burned out from giving and giving and giving.. it's not genuine after awhile and I convinced myself I have to do it for money.. and now I'm a muppet.

Oh compassion fatigue/burnout is so real. It's something I am aware of, but right now I still feel like I genuinely do care about the babies, like so much. But it's hard because I can't switch off, so I worry about them when I am at home too - so I know I am probably on that path to burnout