Venting Can I just die now please

[ming]

I just need a place to vent since everyone I know would probably panic or yell at me.

I'm tired of life. Working a stupid job with no point and reliving the same cycle everyday makes everything so dull. I can't take it anymore, I hate the thought of devoting my life to surviving in this shitty corrupt world. If only I had the talent to do what I loved then maybe I'd be happier. If only I wasn't ugly and hopeless too. Last week I ditched my job at a shitty call center but now I don't have enough money to pay rent so I'm fucked and decided to just kms since it was part of the plan either way.

Only problem is that it's fucking Christmas and everyone wasted their money on me even though I plan to die. I feel guilty as fuck, but I don't wanna be here anymore. I feel horrible knowing that people do love me but I'm still unhappy no matter what. Even if I do decide to live longer, I gotta find a new job ASAP and eventually I will feel this way again. It never ends.

I don't know what to do anymore. There's no one who can comfort me, or understand me. I'm stuck, and I care too much. I could make my death seem accidental but I'm too much of a pussy to crash my car or anything else. Ugh, I annoy myself so much. That's pretty much everything I wanted to say, just wanted to let it out somewhere.

 

[kohaku]

Work in this society is largely unethical. Wasting 8 hours of your life only to be too exhausted to do anything else when you get off your shift.

I'm sorry you're going through this. This world is fucked, I agree. Circumstances depend on the country you're in, but the world is largely capitalist, unfairly so. If you need comfort, you can find it here. I'm sure there's plenty of people here who understand. Work tends to push a lot of people towards a suicidal mindset.

 

[Deleted member 94]

I just need a place to vent since everyone I know would probably panic or yell at me.

I'm tired of life. Working a stupid job with no point and reliving the same cycle everyday makes everything so dull. I can't take it anymore, I hate the thought of devoting my life to surviving in this shitty corrupt world. If only I had the talent to do what I loved then maybe I'd be happier. If only I wasn't ugly and hopeless too. Last week I ditched my job at a shitty call center but now I don't have enough money to pay rent so I'm fucked and decided to just kms since it was part of the plan either way.

Only problem is that it's fucking Christmas and everyone wasted their money on me even though I plan to die. I feel guilty as fuck, but I don't wanna be here anymore. I feel horrible knowing that people do love me but I'm still unhappy no matter what. Even if I do decide to live longer, I gotta find a new job ASAP and eventually I will feel this way again. It never ends.

I don't know what to do anymore. There's no one who can comfort me, or understand me. I'm stuck, and I care too much. I could make my death seem accidental but I'm too much of a pussy to crash my car or anything else. Ugh, I annoy myself so much. That's pretty much everything I wanted to say, just wanted to let it out somewhere.

Perhaps it wasn't work per se but the type of work. Would you consider a different field. I know people who love going to work because the field they work in holds great interest for them.

Like I know a lady whose work is deep sea scuba diving, she said she would love to find like others have a ship from the Spanish armada. I know what she meant because one was found and had loads of gold and Spain considered the gold to be it's property.

 

[ming]

Work in this society is largely unethical. Wasting 8 hours of your life only to be too exhausted to do anything else when you get off your shift.

I'm sorry you're going through this. This world is fucked, I agree. Circumstances depend on the country you're in, but the world is largely capitalist, unfairly so. If you need comfort, you can find it here. I'm sure there's plenty of people here who understand. Work tends to push a lot of people towards a suicidal mindset.

Thank you :) I've always been stuck working retail jobs or office jobs, and manufacturing takes a toll on my body. I just find it so difficult to get up in the morning knowing that I'm gonna spend my whole day tolerating customers and doing soulless work. I'm at a point where I only have two choices: end it now or suffer some more to hopefully get through it. I used to have hopes and dreams, but my insecurities and depression killed all my motivation.

Perhaps it wasn't work per se but the type of work. Would you consider a different field. I know people who love going to work because the field they work in holds great interest for them.

Like I know a lady whose work is deep sea scuba diving, she said she would love to find like others have a ship from the Spanish armada. I know what she meant because one was found and had loads of gold and Spain considered the gold to be it's property.

I definitely wish I could pursue a career as an artist or writer, but I know that success in those fields is like a game of russian roulette. I used to go to school, but since I give up so easily I dropped out and now I have student loans to pay off. People say I'm still young and have potential, but my mental state is horrible.

 

[Deleted member 94]

Thank you :) I've always been stuck working retail jobs or office jobs, and manufacturing takes a toll on my body. I just find it so difficult to get up in the morning knowing that I'm gonna spend my whole day tolerating customers and doing soulless work. I'm at a point where I only have two choices: end it now or suffer some more to hopefully get through it. I used to have hopes and dreams, but my insecurities and depression killed all my motivation.

Different perspective but the type of work you describe as souless work others have described it to me as soul cleansing work. Specifically working behind cash register in McDonalds.

 

[ming]

Different perspective but the type of work you describe as souless work others have described it to me as soul cleansing work. Specifically working behind cash register in McDonalds.

Conversating with people can be nice but my social meter runs out pretty fast. I'm glad others can enjoy it but it's not for me. Working at a cute little shop would seem nice though.

 

[Deleted member 94]

Conversating with people can be nice but my social meter runs out pretty fast. I'm glad others can enjoy it but it's not for me. Working at a cute little shop would seem nice though.

I wasn't talking about enjoyment, soul cleansing meant what I have witnessed, an Indian lady cleaning tables in a McDonald's only for one asshole customer to throw stuff down on the floor deliberately expecting her to clean it up.

I don't understand what you mean by cute little shop that's too vague do you mean like a florists.

 

[ming]

I wasn't talking about enjoyment, soul cleansing meant what I have witnessed, an Indian lady cleaning tables in a McDonald's only for one asshole customer to throw stuff down on the floor deliberately expecting her to clean it up.

I don't understand what you mean by cute little shop that's too vague do you mean like a florists.

so you mean soul cleansing in a bad way??? Usually one would assume that cleasing would be in a good way lol but that makes sense. Probably gonna CTB either way, don't feel like trying anymore. Sorry to my friends and family but I wanna sleep forever.

 

[Deleted member 94]

so you mean soul cleansing in a bad way??? Usually one would assume that cleasing would be in a good way lol but that makes sense. Probably gonna CTB either way, don't feel like trying anymore. Sorry to my friends and family but I wanna sleep forever.

No what was described probably made the lady cry in private, I was told experiences like that cleanse the soul. You are right It is a hard one to figure out.

 

[NodusTollens]

—sigh— oh boy, OP... sorry to hear you're feeling like this after Xmas. I agree & feel you on that. It sucks & it's heavy, you're not alone in this sentiment.

 

[Gaybonez]

I just need a place to vent since everyone I know would probably panic or yell at me.

I'm tired of life. Working a stupid job with no point and reliving the same cycle everyday makes everything so dull. I can't take it anymore, I hate the thought of devoting my life to surviving in this shitty corrupt world. If only I had the talent to do what I loved then maybe I'd be happier. If only I wasn't ugly and hopeless too. Last week I ditched my job at a shitty call center but now I don't have enough money to pay rent so I'm fucked and decided to just kms since it was part of the plan either way.

Only problem is that it's fucking Christmas and everyone wasted their money on me even though I plan to die. I feel guilty as fuck, but I don't wanna be here anymore. I feel horrible knowing that people do love me but I'm still unhappy no matter what. Even if I do decide to live longer, I gotta find a new job ASAP and eventually I will feel this way again. It never ends.

I don't know what to do anymore. There's no one who can comfort me, or understand me. I'm stuck, and I care too much. I could make my death seem accidental but I'm too much of a pussy to crash my car or anything else. Ugh, I annoy myself so much. That's pretty much everything I wanted to say, just wanted to let it out somewhere.

I don't understand you completely, but I have been there in a way. I am sorry. Truly. Do not feel guilty for anything. I hope you educate yourself on the various methods around here and find something that works within your budget.