Anxieyote
Sobriety over everything else • 30 • Midwest
- Mar 24, 2021
- 445
I met someone online a few months ago, and we became friends. I started getting attached to them very quickly, because I haven't had a solid friendship for about 5 years, and I'm incredibly lonely.
This person could sense how desperate I was for human connection, and they enjoyed the attention I was giving to them. I could tell they weren't making much of an effort conversationally, since they would play video games while I was speaking to them, and not focus on what I was saying half the time. Every once in awhile though, I was able to break through and get them to talk to me more in-depth about their life. I got to to know their real name, where they go to school, their home address, and a bunch of other info that I was surprised they revealed to me so freely.
"This person must really trust and value me if they're being so open about their lives, and taking me on a tour of their hometown in Google Maps." I thought to myself.
This person had told me previously that they weren't interested in a relationship, but I interpreted his comfort in sharing all of this personal info as a romantic gesture. "He must be reconsidering it in his head." I thought. "I must be winning him over with my charm."
It really felt like we were getting closer, and starting to understand each other more. We had been talking for hours every night for the last 2 months, and occasionally, he would do romantic roleplays with me over text (at my request, usually). It really was starting to feel like a relationship to me, and calling him my boyfriend almost felt natural at that point. He lived two states away, so I began planning a road trip to go see him in person.
But then, he dropped a bombshell.
"I have big news." he said. "I met someone here at college, and we're going to start dating. You're one of my best friends, so I wanted to tell you first."
I didn't make a big deal out of it when he told me, but I messaged him a few hours later and told him that I felt he had been leading me on by participating in sexual roleplays with me, and giving me so many intimate details about his life. He apologized, and said "I'm sorry, I dont like you that way. But you're a really good friend, and I want to keep talking to you."
I really don't know how to feel at this point. Was I being gaslit? I can't shake the feeling that this person just liked my attention, which is why they indulged my interest in sexual roleplays despite seeing me only as a friend. I'm so confused.
I really like him, so I almost want to say, "Sure, let's be friends", but at the same time, I know I still have feelings for him because the idea of meeting his boyfriend makes me really upset and sad. I told him I need some time to re-evaluate our friendship/relationship (whatever it even is, at this point) and get back to him later.
Who is in the wrong here? I cant decide if I should be mad at him, or mad at myself for misinterpreting things. And would it even be a good idea to keep talking to this person, knowing that I care about them more than a friend, and that they're dating someone else?
This person could sense how desperate I was for human connection, and they enjoyed the attention I was giving to them. I could tell they weren't making much of an effort conversationally, since they would play video games while I was speaking to them, and not focus on what I was saying half the time. Every once in awhile though, I was able to break through and get them to talk to me more in-depth about their life. I got to to know their real name, where they go to school, their home address, and a bunch of other info that I was surprised they revealed to me so freely.
"This person must really trust and value me if they're being so open about their lives, and taking me on a tour of their hometown in Google Maps." I thought to myself.
This person had told me previously that they weren't interested in a relationship, but I interpreted his comfort in sharing all of this personal info as a romantic gesture. "He must be reconsidering it in his head." I thought. "I must be winning him over with my charm."
It really felt like we were getting closer, and starting to understand each other more. We had been talking for hours every night for the last 2 months, and occasionally, he would do romantic roleplays with me over text (at my request, usually). It really was starting to feel like a relationship to me, and calling him my boyfriend almost felt natural at that point. He lived two states away, so I began planning a road trip to go see him in person.
But then, he dropped a bombshell.
"I have big news." he said. "I met someone here at college, and we're going to start dating. You're one of my best friends, so I wanted to tell you first."
I didn't make a big deal out of it when he told me, but I messaged him a few hours later and told him that I felt he had been leading me on by participating in sexual roleplays with me, and giving me so many intimate details about his life. He apologized, and said "I'm sorry, I dont like you that way. But you're a really good friend, and I want to keep talking to you."
I really don't know how to feel at this point. Was I being gaslit? I can't shake the feeling that this person just liked my attention, which is why they indulged my interest in sexual roleplays despite seeing me only as a friend. I'm so confused.
I really like him, so I almost want to say, "Sure, let's be friends", but at the same time, I know I still have feelings for him because the idea of meeting his boyfriend makes me really upset and sad. I told him I need some time to re-evaluate our friendship/relationship (whatever it even is, at this point) and get back to him later.
Who is in the wrong here? I cant decide if I should be mad at him, or mad at myself for misinterpreting things. And would it even be a good idea to keep talking to this person, knowing that I care about them more than a friend, and that they're dating someone else?
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