Can I ask a sensitive question? People who cut/hurt themselves

[Yomyom]

If someone get triggered from that question I'm sorry, It's not a question Stemming from criticism, I'm just trying to understand

Spoiler: question

What exactly do you feel that causes you to this actions?, do you enjoyed it in some way? It was a release? Or totally something else? The pain don't bother you?
In other words- what do you think you are going to get by doing this?

Please use the spoiler function for your answers

Thanks

 

[JustAnotherSuicider]

Spoiler

I feel relief.
Yes, I think you can say that I "enjoy" it.
I'm doing it so I can feel pain, so no, it doesn't bother me.
I'm doing it to ease my mental pain with physical one.
I'm doing it 'cus I hate myself.
I just did it once and since then I can't stop, it just feel so good for some reason.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Spoiler

A few years ago I put out over 16 cigarretes on my arm. I don't know why but it felt great. I was super drunk so the pain didn't sink in until the morning. I tried to hide it and it got infected, luckily I fessed up in time so the dressing was changed etc and antibiotics for the infection. The pain was part of the rush. Never done it since but it always felt amazing for a time (5 mins?), I felt like feeling anything, even pain was better than nothing at all

 

[x-Ace-x]

Spoiler

Like a previous answer said, it gives relief, a relief from the emotional pain and thinking how to ctb as soon as possible.

The physical pain and blood I see calms, makes me less concentrated on ctb and negative thoughts.

It's very addictive. You start by puncturing the fingertips but it's not enough. You want more. Then it comes cutting with a razor deeper and deeper. Don't wanna cut deep cause of infection though, but I'm tempted.

I haven't cut for a week, I think. The urge is strong, especially in the morning or evening, when you feel incredibly bad about everything.

 

[autumnal]

I don't think it's a particularly sensitive or confronting question to ask those who self-harm. As a clinical population, they generally have good insight into their own thoughts and motivations. This is probably because self-harm is more strongly linked with introversion and introspection than with other possibly less insightful personality traits. I'm not personally a self-harmer, but my understanding is that there are a few different reasons.

First, it can make someone who is feeling dissociated from reality feel like they are real again through the strong physical sensation of pain.

Second, some people use it to direct actual anger or hatred towards themselves, whether their anger or that of others, or because they feel they deserve punishment. This can also tie in with those who have been abused in childhood, and so whose fundamental self-concept may be tied in with being hurt in some manner.

Third, some people do it to give a physical manifestation to their mental pain, either to help themselves conceptualize it or to demonstrate the extent of their pain to others to whom they cannot communicate it verbally.

Fourth, some people do it as a relief or distraction from unbearable aspects of their lives. In that scenario, the actual harm itself is usually less important than the comfort and routine associated with any kind of self-soothing behaviour.

 

[ssaaahmo]

]

 

[autumnal]

]

FYI, the body of your post appears to not show up at all, rather than just being hidden as a spoiler. On checking syntax, you have an extra right square bracket (']') after your close spoiler tag which is hiding everything from view completely rather than just spoiler-warning it. Suggest you either edit your post, or repost it if outside of the edit time limit.

[SPOILER="I feel like I need to and it's good for me"][/SPOILER]]

 

[Yomyom]

@JustAnotherSuicider @drowinginsorrowww @x-Ace-x @autumnal @ssaaahmo

Thank you all for helping understand that!
I wondered in that question for a long time, I just couldn't understand how somebody can hurt himself willingly
My lack of understanding stems from my fear of physical pain, I can deal with mental pain (in a way I'm addicted to it)

 

[AwokenToReality]

Spoiler

If I'm being honest, I'm not entirely sure what causes me to harm myself. It seems to be the worst of days when I do harm myself though, and I just want an escape from that, which isn't to CTB just yet. In that case, it's a release for me and I do enjoy it yes. I wouldn't say the pain bothers me, I seem to kind of flinch so to say when I'm about to harm myself for a minute or two and then when I apply the pressure to my body, I just feel a huge surge of release, like an adrenaline rush, which wakes me up from everything going on.

 

[noaccount]

It's a form of record-keeping.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@Yomyom, I love how you set up this thread! It's a triggering subject for many, and imo you handled it with sensitivity and aplomb.

 

[Quarky00]

Despite looking for personal answers , I would still like to provide brief summary of self-harm . I know I'm not being useful nor answering OP , sorry , but perhaps this will help some understand or accept .

Spoiler

The pain is unbearable and you cannot control it . Coming from inside , like a monster . Like a constant mental breakdown (or "on the verge of psychosis") . You literally scream , for hours . And it does not go away . You feel the pain chocking your heart , squeezing you . Person would bang their head on the wall , physically . Most common -- they cut themselves .

The act of cutting is not that painful . It's an outlet for that pain , a way to express or experience it (otherwise only in the mind) , a sense of control over it , a way to punish oneself , a calming or euphoric rush (body's natural painkiller etc) , mild physical pain distracts from severe mental pain , etc . List is really endless and very individual .



* Some are not aware of these emotions or effects , or may have other reasons and feelings ; after a while it becomes a habit or a ritual

 

[BridgeJumper]

Spoiler

No, the pain doesnt bother me, Im a hardcore masochist. Ive done way worse to inflict pain on myself. I used to do it for attention or as a cry for help, now I just use it to numb myself, punish myself or get out negative feelings. I dont want to get anything from it. I never show my wounds to anyone. I wear long sleeves in summer. I just want to hurt because Im a drug addicted, psychopathic trash and I deserve it.

 

[serah]

Spoiler

I don't recall why I first began cutting myself since I was around nine when I started. I don't do it to the extent I used to but nowadays it's a way to express my self hatred. It does indeed hurt and the pain is a reminder of my self loathe. When in a state of anger or stress others might hit a wall or break things but I would express my hatred by cutting as deep as I could.

 

[Oh so tired]

Spoiler

For me self-harming helps to suppress suicidal urges, it is a way of hurting myself without actually killing myself. It is a form of self-punishment, a bit like restricting my eating. I also dissociate a lot and the pain and physical action of self-harm helps to bring me back to the here and now.

 

[painoflife]

Spoiler

I believe I do it for a few reasons.
Out of frustration because I get so mad and upset with myself when I react to something badly when it's not actually a big deal.
To physically show myself how badly I feel, it's annoying having so much hurt in my head and I look fine on the outside. A bit like the saying " I'll give you something to cry about ", it's easier for me to process if I can see it but I never show anybody so it's not to prove to others that I am hurting.
I like the cleanup and care afterwards that I have to show myself, it makes me focus solely on me. I spend nearly all my time caring for others, whether it's physically assisting them or me worrying about them and thinking what I can do to make their life better/easier. If I am cut I have to stop the bleeding, then I have to care for the wound and keep it clean etc. This is a nice feeling for me because, even though it's not the healthiest way to do it, it means I have to do something for myself for a change.

 

[thouisdead]

Spoiler

For me self-harming helps to suppress suicidal urges, it is a way of hurting myself without actually killing myself. It is a form of self-punishment, a bit like restricting my eating. I also dissociate a lot and the pain and physical action of self-harm helps to bring me back to the here and now.

Spoiler

I did selfharm a few times, but it resoneted with me what you said about making yourself starve. That was something I just stopped doing because of the quarentine, but a few days from now I passed through a situation that made me want do it again. When I do its to punish myself. I think if I have an eating disorder. I'm small, skinny and if I lose just two kilograms I'll be undeweight.
Anyways, I just wanted to say that I kind of understand what you're doing.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Spoiler: Self harm

I feel overwhelming pain and distress. I've self harmed since I was in middle school but started cutting fairly recently. I've found that cutting numbs me out. My mind quiets and I sort of zone out/shut down for a bit. But it's nice and almost soothing. When I numb out, I also don't feel the pain. I'm able to cut more and deeper. I also do it to punish myself.

I have to admit, there's also nothing like watching the blood flow down your arms

 

[LastFlowers]

Cornered animal attacking itself because it wasn't allowed to attack anyone else. That's the feeling for me.

I only did it a handful of times but bad ones that left noticeable scars. Now I don't do that but when I become all too aware of that trapped sensation, I grab my head and rip at my hair and I have smashed my head back against a concrete wall (there was a bulletin board in between..stupid, but one doesn't think clearly when they are up against a wall, literally and figuratively). I also claw at myself when asleep sometimes because I have nightmares and an urge to climb out of my own skin.
..So I am still brought to that attack-self mode but it's not thought out, it just happens during the throws of panic.

 

[autumnal]

It's a form of record-keeping.

Paperless office, eat your heart out!

 

[JulyBlues]

Sorry, I have no clue how to use the spoiler function.


Like someone in the thread already said, I'm not entirely sure why I hurt myself. First time I've done it was when I was 9 or so.
Some instances were different. I stabbed myself in the thigh after I had an argument with my father and I just felt so disgusted by the fact we're related that I wanted to get rid of it.
I've cut myself on my face on purpose just to be treated seriously at the crisis team who refused to admit me to a psych ward after I've had a failed suicide attempt on the same day.
In the past it used to be to punish myself for whatever my teenage brain came up with.
But most of the time I think it's just a relief. You focus on doing something so fucked up to yourself that the shit that goes on in your head just seems less significant

 

[DJ2000]

If the question is why, it's probably to release endogenous opioids, to relieve stress or emotional pain or whatever.
whenever I'm pissed off I have to beat the shit out of myself

 

[ClaireBear31]

Spoiler: For me, it serves two functions.

The first is a sort of hyper-focus - when I feel the physical pain, it pulls me out of my emotional and mental anguish and gives me something else to focus on that doesn't hurt as much. The second is control - I have so little control in my life and it is sort of a passive-aggressive way of saying, "F* you, I can do what I want and you don't own me."

 

[VabeniPokojneTmy]

Spoiler

I used to harm myself in times when nothing felt real. I had almost no memories of past days and months and the pain was always something that "woke me", something I was 100% sure that it is real.

 

[rikamonie]

If someone get triggered from that question I'm sorry, It's not a question Stemming from criticism, I'm just trying to understand

Spoiler: question

What exactly do you feel that causes you to this actions?, do you enjoyed it in some way? It was a release? Or totally something else? The pain don't bother you?
In other words- what do you think you are going to get by doing this?

Please use the spoiler function for your answers

Thanks

Spoiler: spoiler

I do that when im really angry with someone or myself, it makes the anger and sadness go away, i feel happier after a relief, there is no pain it doesnt hurt at all, i do that to see bleeding and feeling, i get a feeling of relief a way to let all my anger and sadness out otherwise it stays inside for a long time, i have not cut since january, and i dont do it now because i dont feel that anger and sadness inside, cutting wouldnt give me relief so i dont feel the need to, when i become suicidal and depressed like this i dont feel like doing it at all, its hard to explain

 

[pete_x]

Spoiler

Better my own blood than someone elses.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Spoiler

I did it a few times, because I felt like I needed to ease the pain I was feeling. That's the pain you feel in your chest when you're depressed. It hurts like hell, but that shit it's not physical. It's pure agony. I stopped cutting, but when I'm highly anxious or nervous, I scratch myself and slap my face. Just to try to ease that pain I feel inside somewhere else.

 

[painoflife]

when i become suicidal and depressed like this i dont feel like doing it at all, its hard to explain

I completely understand this! Sorry you are going through it too

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Just becomes a habit at times. Also a way of taking out frustration on myself because I hate myself.

 

[soakmeinbleach]

Only way i know how to release whatever it is im feeling ehen its too much