Can breathe a sigh of relief again-N

[xLosthopex]

Would have posted this in my goodbye thread-turned-shitshow but replies were turned off at the time, but can be viewed here for those not familiar with it:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/goodbye-and-thank-you-ss-method-n.71693/

Anyway… since going back to work at my strip club(after easing of Covid restrictions) I was able to gather the funds relatively quickly and order N again last week, this time from D(my first order was from A)
It arrived today safe and sound, no issues with ordering, payment, shipping, customs etc(I'm in Europe) which I am so grateful for. I've been such a wreck(even more so than usual lol) since I fucked up my first N attempt, especially after all the hate I got on my thread for not being able to drink it. But having it in my possession once again is such a relief, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. When I attempt again I will know now what to expect, ie in terms of the taste, how I will react mentally etc. so am much more confident in that aspect

Also-and prob the most important thing I wanted to ask in this thread- I still have the remainder of the(now contaminated)N from my failed attempt kept in a random non sterile medicine bottle and I am wondering how I should safely dispose of this? I have 2 dogs so I do not want any risk of pouring it out somewhere and them consuming it somehow, or any other wild animals that live around my house.

Disclaimer: I will NOT respond to anyone asking me to either 1) send them my contaminated N(as some people were asking me to do in my goodbye thread) or 2) saying stuff along the lines of "omg how could you just dispose of your precious N like that you ungrateful bitch so many of us would kill to have that N!!" -which was also being said to me in my goodbye thread… Your desire to ctb/access to methods is not my responsibility, and what I chose to do in relation to MY ctb/method is not your business

 

[Pluto]

Disposing of N should be very easy. I had some that was out of date and I was trying to turn my life around, and I just poured it down the drain of the sink.

Sorry you had such terrible responses to your previous thread. I wish you peace and freedom in whatever you decide.

 

[juraviel]

can i ask why did you order from a different seller if everything went smooth with the first one (A has lower prices, i believe)

it sure is relieving, since i received my sn i noticed a drop in suicidal thoughts/tendencies which is a bit of a paradox but yeah

how exactly did you 'contaminate' that first batch i dont understand, because you poured it into a different container? either way i'm pretty sure it's ok to just flush it down the toilet.

 

[littlelungs]

Some of the comments on your goodbye thread were really insensitive and fucked up. You were (and are) suffering and very vulnerable, and that was the last thing you needed on top of everything else. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.

I'm happy for you that the ordering of your N went smoothly, and that you now have your "safety net" back, so to speak, for whenever you decide use it (if at all). That must be such a relief.

 

[Death is beautiful]

Happy for you buddy!
I hope I can get N easily as well

 

[Stroopwafel.]

I've read a lot of your threads and I know you are suffering a lot. I'm glad to hear you got your hands on N again and that it gives you relief. I hope you will find your peace, in whatever way that might be.

 

[Makko]

Are you planning a second attempt now or will you get a time-out?

 

[xLosthopex]

Disposing of N should be very easy. I had some that was out of date and I was trying to turn my life around, and I just poured it down the drain of the sink.

Sorry you had such terrible responses to your previous thread. I wish you peace and freedom in whatever you decide.

Oh really ? There's no risk of it like going into the… um.. wherever water goes ? Lol
And ending up somewhere it could harm humans or other animals like wildlife or whatever?

can i ask why did you order from a different seller if everything went smooth with the first one (A has lower prices, i believe)

it sure is relieving, since i received my sn i noticed a drop in suicidal thoughts/tendencies which is a bit of a paradox but yeah

how exactly did you 'contaminate' that first batch i dont understand, because you poured it into a different container? either way i'm pretty sure it's ok to just flush it down the toilet.

I knew A had always had mixed reviews and I felt like I kinda just got lucky ordering from him because had heard of other peoples bad experiences, and recently had heard very good things about D including from people living in my own country so that was reassuring… and the cost was pretty much the same for me

Are you planning a second attempt now or will you get a time-out?

Planning to attempt for sure again just not sure when. I guess I'll just play it by ear

can i ask why did you order from a different seller if everything went smooth with the first one (A has lower prices, i believe)

it sure is relieving, since i received my sn i noticed a drop in suicidal thoughts/tendencies which is a bit of a paradox but yeah

how exactly did you 'contaminate' that first batch i dont understand, because you poured it into a different container? either way i'm pretty sure it's ok to just flush it down the toilet.

Forgot to answer the last part of your Q sorry, I just mean contaminated as it's been exposed to air and therefore no longer sterile

 

[Pluto]

Oh really ? There's no risk of it like going into the… um.. wherever water goes ? Lol
And ending up somewhere it could harm humans or other animals like wildlife or whatever?

No, it will be fine. Firstly, it will be diluted by a gazillion gallons of water and other waste products. Then it will be treated at a plant.

Stuff like motor oil or car battery acid needs careful disposal, but not medicines, household detergents and human waste and such. Think about how poisonous bleach and other cleaning chemicals are, yet people let that go down the drain all the time.

Anyway, I hope that it brings you comfort to have the N there, and maybe you won't even need to use it. :)

 

[GreenMile]

The original goodbye thread was brutal, you handled it impressively well and showed a lot of compassion for others at an incredibly stressful time for you. That you took time to consider the thoughts and feelings of others in the midst of an attempt confirmed to me that CTB is one of the most courageous things a person can do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I remember reading your thread. I'm sorry you got hate from others, you did not deserve that. At least having the N means you can exit this life at a time of your choosing. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[xLosthopex]

Oh my god guys I received two missed calls from an unrecognized number earlier, I searched the number online and it came up as "An Garda Síochána Headquarters"(That's the name of the police force here in Ireland) … Holy fucking shit when I tell you my soul almost left my body!! Not what you wanna see after only receiving your N the previous day lmao but upon further research it turns out it's a scam number making calls to a load of people in my country at the moment, I swear that could have been enough of a fright to kill me itself

 

[Miri]

¿Puedo preguntar por qué ordenó a un vendedor diferente si todo salió bien con el primero (creo que A tiene precios más bajos)

seguro que es un alivio, desde que recibí mi sn, noté una caída en los pensamientos / tendencias suicidas, lo cual es un poco paradójico, pero sí

¿Cómo 'contaminó' exactamente ese primer lote, no entiendo, porque lo vertió en un recipiente diferente? De cualquier manera, estoy bastante seguro de que está bien tirarlo por el inodoro.

 

[HopelessFight]

Oh my god guys I received two missed calls from an unrecognized number earlier, I searched the number online and it came up as "An Garda Síochána Headquarters"(That's the name of the police force here in Ireland) … Holy fucking shit when I tell you my soul almost left my body!! Not what you wanna see after only receiving your N the previous day lmao but upon further research it turns out it's a scam number making calls to a load of people in my country at the moment, I swear that could have been enough of a fright to kill me itself

The police really won't call you if they suspect you of importing N to CTB, don't worry.

 

[donewrong]

They won't warn with a call but they can straight come to your door with a picture of the N instructing you to surrender it. It happened to a member in the UK, followed by forced psych visits, last year, so you better hide it well and be prepared (even if unlikely, not wishing you this sucky event)

 

[Death is beautiful]

They won't warn with a call but they can straight come to your door with a picture of the N instructing you to surrender it. It happened to a member in the UK, followed by forced psych visits, last year, so you better hide it well and be prepared (even if unlikely, not wishing you this sucky event)

What happened to him? Was he on this forum?

 

[donewrong]

nothing more than described. confiscation and doctor appointments. yes

 

[316]

I read your goodbye thread at the time and the hate you received was disgusting. I'm glad to hear that you were able to get more N and that it's given you some relief knowing that's it's there whenever you are ready

I'm sure you have been asked before, I know others have, are you able to describe the taste? Is there anything like it that's worth testing with?

 

[lv-gras]

finally a use for my nerdery! lol. yea, you can pour it down the sink probably. the other people are right about it being diluted and treated. though medicines are trickier to treat and can have residual amounts in the treatment plant. another option could be to dilute it with water or mix with soil and bury it in a hole somewhere. the soil can do a good job of degrading it. most animals will not be interested to dig to get something that smells bitter. it's nice you think about your dogs.

 

[FreeZebra]

@xLoshopex
I'm with you. Don't be afraid. You are a good personne. Just do what you need. Take your time.

 

[slyna]

You are working as a stripper?

 

[xLosthopex]

You are working as a stripper?

Yeah, why?

 

[ChrisLeeHZ]

Yeah, why?

Why not come to China to be an English teacher,you would get a superior life.

 

[xLosthopex]

Why not come to China to be an English teacher,you would get a superior life.

What's a 'superior life'? I'm happy with my job as a stripper.

 

[slyna]

What's a 'superior life'? I'm happy with my job as a stripper.

If u are happy
Why kill yourself?

 

[xLosthopex]

If u are happy
Why kill yourself?

I said I'm happy with the job I have, i.e. I have no intention or desire to change it. That doesn't equate to me being happy in general.

 

[OldDrummer]

Hiya Lost,

Not sure what the bandwidth's like up there in heaven, or if you'll even see my message, but I joined SS just shortly after your passing.

Turns out I lived a stones-throw from you. Small world, eh?

I just hope it all went peacefully for you. You were/are such a supportive and considerate person to others on here.

Happy trails.

 

[arnab]

Hiya Lost,

Not sure what the bandwidth's like up there in heaven, or if you'll even see my message, but I joined SS just shortly after your passing.

Turns out I lived a stones-throw from you. Small world, eh?

I just hope it all went peacefully for you. You were/are such a supportive and considerate person to others on here.

Happy trails.

Lost is dead man

 

[OldDrummer]

Lost is dead man

Hence the reference to broadband in heaven!

 

[Red Scare]

Why revive this thread?

Hence the reference to broadband in heaven!

Why revive an old thread like this?