LonelyKitten
Seeking one final escape
- Aug 13, 2023
- 284
When I rationally look at my situation, I know it's irreparable in the long-term.
But the closer I get to being pushed to ctb due to external factors closing in, dozens of (kind of nonsensical) thoughts and ideas swirl into my head, begging me to take some kind of massive gamble that could *in theory* lead to somewhat acceptable longer-term survival. (for me: quality of life/social inclusion > quantity of life)
Judging by how unrealistic these survival plans are, and how dissonant my body's excitement in response to them is, I can only guess it has to be a type of survival instinct.
I think it might be my brain trying to distract me, as the ideas also seem to steer me towards trying old hobbies again, or trying to maintain my present situation (not feasible).
Is this a known issue? Does anyone else experience anything like this?
I find it really irritating, as it disrupts my planning and activities, making it really hard to take any decisive, cohesive actions anymore.
But the closer I get to being pushed to ctb due to external factors closing in, dozens of (kind of nonsensical) thoughts and ideas swirl into my head, begging me to take some kind of massive gamble that could *in theory* lead to somewhat acceptable longer-term survival. (for me: quality of life/social inclusion > quantity of life)
Judging by how unrealistic these survival plans are, and how dissonant my body's excitement in response to them is, I can only guess it has to be a type of survival instinct.
I think it might be my brain trying to distract me, as the ideas also seem to steer me towards trying old hobbies again, or trying to maintain my present situation (not feasible).
Is this a known issue? Does anyone else experience anything like this?
I find it really irritating, as it disrupts my planning and activities, making it really hard to take any decisive, cohesive actions anymore.