Can any women relate?

[pinkribbonscars]

I'm aware women are more likely to attempt, whereas men are more likely to complete suicide.

Weirdly this is one of the reasons I want to ctb someday. I dont want to be a hysterical woman. I want to be serious. I want my pain to be validated as real. I want to be brave like the men who are more likely to go through with it.

I guess as a woman, I view the act as defying stereotypes, norms and expectations of my gender.

 

[watereyes]

I doubt you care about courage once you're dead. My advice : if you want to attempt be 100% sure. Don't 'half-attempt' like I have. Best not to attempt when you're in doubt. Trust me there's no point in envying men who succeed.

peace

 

[pinkribbonscars]

I doubt you care about courage once you're dead. My advice : if you want to attempt be 100% sure. Don't 'half-attempt' like I have. Best not to attempt when you're in doubt. Trust me there's no point in envying men who succeed.

peace

I've already made the mistake of half attempting and I'll never do it again.

I've decided on hanging because its lethal and less likely to fail than an overdose. I'm not really envious of men who succeed, as I know I'm capable of succeeding if i really want to. I guess I'm more envious of how men are seen as more "serious" about suicide whereas woman are seen as attention whores who dont really mean it most of the time (a view which doesnt consider cultural factors like men having more lethal means on average [which is why I've ruled out firearms; I dont own one and suddenly acquiring one would look suspicious], men being less encouraged to seek support and help, ect.)

 

[Meditation guide]

I doubt you care about courage once you're dead. My advice : if you want to attempt be 100% sure. Don't 'half-attempt' like I have. Best not to attempt when you're in doubt. Trust me there's no point in envying men who succeed.

peace

that's really good advice. I hadn't thought of it that way. Thanks.

 

[FuneralCry]

Plenty of women have ctb, hopefully someday it will be me. In general, I just envy those who have the courage to exit this world. It is difficult to ctb as we are programmed to survive. I am also very mentally weak and I do not feel as though I am brave enough. I have been suicidal for a long time and yet I am still here.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

Plenty of women have ctb, hopefully someday it will be me. In general, I just envy those who have the courage to exit this world. It is difficult to ctb as we are programmed to survive. I am also very mentally weak and I do not feel as though I am brave enough. I have been suicidal for a long time and yet I am still here.

Yeah I plan to get piss drunk if I ever ctb to get the gall to do it. I also could never go through with jumping. The idea of my survival instinct kicking after jumping scares me. Sounds like a horrible way to go.

Though are you sure you're a coward or just have second thoughts? I think most people dont really want to die, and that it's a misconception that the "truly" suicidal have made up their minds and cant be talked out of it.

Yet I still feel like a pussy for not "truly" wanting to die. I just dont imagine this pointless shithole we call life ever getting better, so I might as well when the time is right. But I would love to enjoy life if I could. I just cant lol

 

[Pluto]

Choosing to CTB is a personal choice based on the subjective experience of life being intolerable. This is not a time to make a statement of gender equality. Just my mansplaining opinion.

 

[Crazy4u]

I completely understand. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about it. This is how people think. I am a woman with a very low profile, always ignored. I try to avoid confortations and be silent most of the time to avoid attention. I would lose my mind if someone calls me attention whoxx. I never get attention in real life. Men look more serious because the methods they use are more violent. There are also more serial killers, mass shooters who are men. You get the idea

 

[pinkribbonscars]

Choosing to CTB is a personal choice based on the subjective experience of life being intolerable. This is not a time to make a statement of gender equality. Just my mansplaining opinion.

I disagree. Suicides are often used to make sociopolitical statements; see Leelah Alcorn, or even Elliott Rodger. You could argue social inequality makes life intolerable for many (especially when you factor in the higher rates for lgbt people and the rural poor).

It upsets me I dont have enough power and influence for my suicide to be impactful honestly. But if I live an unremarkable life I might as well quit wasting space regardless right? But if I did have power and influence, I would ensure that my suicide left behind a legacy that raised awareness to or caused some sort of social change. But that's just me.

That I cant change the world makes me want to ctb even more really. Lol

 

[Pluto]

That I cant change the world makes me want to ctb even more really. Lol

You are right that suicides have been used as an extreme form of protest in many parts of the world, from centuries of self-immolation in Asia to viral social media suicides like Amanda Todd in modern times.

It is very noble of you to be willing to sacrifice your life for a larger cause. I too always wanted to make the world a less tragic place, but found that a) 99% of people don't give a damn and b) I could barely function myself, much less alter the course of human history. I have resigned myself to likely end up a tiny, forgotten fragment of the estimated 1 million people per year globally who quietly CTB.

If you are hell-bent on it, I think that utilising a platform like YouTube would have the highest probability of bringing your message to a wider audience.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

I have resigned myself to likely end up a tiny, forgotten fragment of the estimated 1 million people per year globally who quietly CTB.

Same.

If you are hell-bent on it, I think that utilising a platform like YouTube would have the highest probability of bringing your message to a wider audience.

I dont really have the social or economic capital, let alone confidence, for something like that to take off.

I've considered re-entering volunteer work but I think I'll just be a tiny speck that vanishes into nothing instead. I think it's a degree of self-sabatoge. I worry my attempts to better the world will be futile, so I'd rather not try and just disappear.

 

[ItsTimeToExit]

That I cant change the world makes me want to ctb even more really. Lol

The reality is that only the tiniest amount of people are able to change the world on the scale you imagine.

But

There is a lot to gain for contributing positivity to people in your immediate proximity.

Lots of small actions eventually add up to something big.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

The reality is that only the tiniest amount of people are able to change the world on the scale you imagine.

But

There is a lot to gain for contributing positivity to people in your immediate proximity.

Lots of small actions eventually add up to something big.

I agree.

Like I know so many construction workers who built foundations and structures and buildings that are made to last and will benefit the community for decades and centuries, or parents who influenced or shaped their children.

You dont need to be famous or influential to leave a lasting impact on the world.

Yet I just no longer care enough to create an impact, so I'm jealous of people who were afforded the power to use ctb as a form of protest, because my ctb will be forgotten. I guess that's my fault for isolating and watching tv instead of living in the world and doing stuff.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm aware women are more likely to attempt, whereas men are more likely to complete suicide.

Weirdly this is one of the reasons I want to ctb someday. I dont want to be a hysterical woman. I want to be serious. I want my pain to be validated as real. I want to be brave like the men who are more likely to go through with it.

I guess as a woman, I view the act as defying stereotypes, norms and expectations of my gender.

I would take a hard look at why you consider women so inferior. Something is terribly off in your view of women.

Lot's of women commit suicide. You making this all about women not be as good as men is shocking and says a lot about how you feel about yourself, and misconceptions about women in general.

 

[SleepDealer]

Can't relate, but one of the reasons I want to kill myself is because I don't want to be a woman in the first place. Fuck feminism, give me a dick.
No, I don't really disagree with feminism, but proving that women can be as strong as men is the last thing on my mind when I'm putting a noose around my neck.

Also, I think recovering from suicide attempts and enduring suicidal ideation is a strength in and of itself. Despite all we go through, we're still here. If women needed to successfully and completely kill themselves in order for their pain to be validated, then women's suffrage would have been a mass suicide. There are other ways to convey the message you are trying to send.

But I'm sure you have other reasons for suicidal thoughts, OP. I'm not saying I believe this is all in the name of feminism. Misogyny has put me in a dark place many times before so I can definitely see how it'd contribute. I just don't relate to the idea that killing yourself is a way to prove you have the strength of a man.

 

[SentientCreature]

Each one of us is represented by a single data point that won't affect the parameters of the distribution in any significant way.

I can't really say I relate as I don't care much about societal changes that might come about after my death. It's not because I don't have a tendency to project my awareness beyond the point of my death despite the fact that it conflicts with my metaphysical assumptions, but perhaps because I don't strongly associate with my gender(or any other group I belong to), so a stereotype might bother me only in so far as it affects how other people perceive and treat me, and that link is broken after my death anyway. As I spend more time on this rock I find myself becoming increasingly dissensitized to political issues.

But is this really about social justice in your case, or is it merely a self-interested desire to dissociate from the group that is often perceived as inferior? We all have a natural tendency to think in categories and clump data into neat buckets, but at least when it leads to a faulty generalization you can see it for what it is - a faulty generalization, and move on with your life. If it isn't faulty then I suppose you can prove that you're a rare exception. But do it in a way that won't destroy your conscious experience perhaps, so you can at least reap some benefits from it.

 

[Meditation guide]

there is a lot to gain for contributing positivity to people in your immediate proximity.

Lots of small actions eventually add up to something big.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

I would take a hard look at why you consider women so inferior. Something is terribly off in your view of women.

Lot's of women commit suicide. You making this all about women not be as good as men is shocking and says a lot about how you feel about yourself, and misconceptions about women in general.

I'm aware many women ctb. Statistically however, they are more likely to attempt, whereas men are more likely to complete suicide. I personally argue men are more likely to complete suicide because its culturally unacceptable for men to seek professional help and social support, and women often have less lethal means than men (such as access to firearms). Also, most who attempt do not go on to complete suicide (though attempting increases the risk of future eventual suicide) so it stands to reason suicidal women succeed less than men if they are less likely to succeed in their initial attempts.

Though I've seen people argue that woman simply are less suicidal and more insincere in their attempts than men. I agree that I'm projecting my own insecurities here. I guess I'm afraid my pain will never be seen as valid as a man's, and that I will always be viewed as the weaker and more frivolous sex and thus taken less seriously.

If this thread is any indication I dont feel very good about myself lol

 

[Makko]

Though I've seen people argue that woman simply are less suicidal and more insincere in their attempts than men. I agree that I'm projecting my own insecurities here. I guess I'm afraid my pain will never be seen as valid as a man's, and that I will always be viewed as the weaker and more frivolous sex and thus taken less seriously.

Women have increased instinct for risk aversion. It's supposed to keep you safe but takes weird expressions in the context of suicide because it increases aversion to reckless methods that have a higher chance to actually kill you but there is also a higher risk of getting maimed/crippled if you survive, and women have extra aversion to this risk. This gives the impression that men are "more suicidal" but this is rather about surface behavioral gender differences and not differences of how you genuinely feel about life deep inside.

 

[Insomniac]

Women have increased instinct for risk aversion. It's supposed to keep you safe but takes weird expressions in the context of suicide because it increases aversion to reckless methods that have a higher chance to actually kill you but there is also a higher risk of getting maimed/crippled if you survive, and women have extra aversion to this risk. This gives the impression that men are "more suicidal" but this is rather about surface behavioral gender differences and not differences of how you genuinely feel about life deep inside.

I just don't want my dead body to look unaesthetic

but the fear of being disabled for life part is true

 

[aBLEACHyindividual]

Men are viewed as the disposable gender sadly

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I don't think I care enough about the opinions of others at this point.

 

[Pluto]

I guess I'm afraid my pain will never be seen as valid as a man's, and that I will always be viewed as the weaker and more frivolous sex and thus taken less seriously.

If this thread is any indication I dont feel very good about myself lol

I want to add something here that might give you a different perspective. We are superimposing a narrative about gender stereotypes onto a deeply personal sense of pain and powerlessness.

Women have been manipulated and suppressed throughout history. From being denied voting rights and education prior to the 20th century to being assigned one-dimensional housewife roles until more recent decades. Now that the worst of these evils are behind us, women are instead in the 'something to prove' era.

Modern women are pressured to view all men as the enemy, to be hypersexual in rebellion of traditional monogamy, to be asexual in defiance of 'objectification', to aggressively climb corporate ladders, be a single 'supermum', superficially visit 100 countries, drive a prestige car, post selfies to Facebook, blah blah blah. At no point will anyone say, "Leave women the fuck alone and let them be themselves!"

In my own case, both parents were misogynists. Mum wanted a boy, but only got it on the third try. I was born with 2 older sisters who were bigger, stronger and smarter than me. Objecting to second-class treatment and buying into the early feminist movements of the '80s (Madonna, etc.) they radicalised each other into venomous misandrists and took it all out on me. After 2 decades of this torment, I was so traumatised that I had none of the confidence needed to attract a partner, and so began decades more of isolation.

Age 40, I still feel deeply inferior for being a man and can barely imagine how amazing it would be to be a woman. To be free to have emotional depth, to be allowed to be a loving person, to be innately precious as the life-giving gender, to be able to shine with beauty and to never lack affection. Moreover, I badly wish the world could be a place where there is love, harmony and kindness between people regardless of gender, but only those who have truly been through the meat grinder of gender warfare, without turning into a monster in the process, would agree.

 

[Makko]

As you know from my another thread. Women may lose control of their bladders during hanging. How do you feel about it?

Is this your fetish or something?