Can a baby grow up just as well without a father (me) if he has a big supportive family?

[botanist_dude]

What the title says.
I have a baby boy who I love more than anything else, but I'm failing to provide. I might lose my only job due to some political reasons. When that happens I'll have no other choice but to CTB so my wife can collect insurance.
I know that losing a father can impact the life of a child, but what if the child has a big supportive family? Cousins, uncles, aunts, grand parents and more. Could I leave this world with peace knowing he will be fine?
His mother is a very good mother. She doesn't care about me but she's an amazing caregiver for our baby.
I just want to know he'll be fine without his loser dad.

 

[AlexYaBoy]

Suffering from identical circumstances. That's a "no", from me. Having an absent father isn't the same as your father commiting suicide.

Leaves a massive emotional scar.

No, no, no.

 

[Begotten]

From my personal experience, definitely.

Of course he gonna have some questions one day, but all what gonna matter at the end is the supportive family that loves him

I grew without a father and makes no difference for me, had a relative that basically made this role on my life, and my childhood was just fine, my problems that changed me and made me what I am today had nothing to do with that.

But you doesn't sounds like someone who actually wants to CTB, so I hope everything go well in your job.

 

[Felodese]

I'm with AlexYaBoy. Big difference between absentee father and father who ctb:ed. A wonderful family goes a long way, but there's going to be a huge negative impact when a parent ctb:s.

 

[botanist_dude]

I'm with AlexYaBoy. Big difference between absentee father and father who ctb:ed. A wonderful family goes a long way, but there's going to be a huge negative impact when a parent ctb:s.

I'll make it look like an accident so at least there's that. It would be just a regular ol death that happen everyday worldwide.

From my personal experience, definitely.

Of course he gonna have some questions one day, but all what gonna matter at the end is the supportive family that loves him

I grew without a father and makes no difference for me, had a relative that basically made this role on my life, and my childhood was just fine, my problems that changed me and made me what I am today had nothing to do with that.

But you doesn't sounds like someone who actually wants to CTB, so I hope everything go well in your job.

This is really helpful thanks

 

[Forever Sleep]

I really hope your circumstances become better. It must be incredibly stressful and it's so sad to hear this may be the major factor pushing you to CTB. Is there no hope of finding a similar paying job?

To be honest, personally- no, I wasn't ok growing up without my Mum. She died of natural causes when I was 3. In part though, that's because my Dad remarried and it was my step relations that set me on the suicidal path.

It's hard to know. None of us can predict the future. But honestly, it hurts to lose a parent. Especially when you never got to know them. I really hope you can work things out. I do still deeply sympathise with the want parents feel to suicide but I suppose, given my history, I tend to feel bad for the child.

I suppose I'm curious though really. Your motive sounds financial- to provide for your family with an insurance payout. Is that really going to be so massive though, that it would be the equivalent of the rest of your lifetimes wages in a different job? Sorry- not trying to make you feel bad. I just can't quite get my ahead around it. Surely, your death will also affect them negatively financially in the long-run?

 

[botanist_dude]

I really hope your circumstances become better. It must be incredibly stressful and it's so sad to hear this may be the major factor pushing you to CTB. Is there no hope of finding a similar paying job?

To be honest, personally- no, I wasn't ok growing up without my Mum. She died of natural causes when I was 3. In part though, that's because my Dad remarried and it was my step relations that set me on the suicidal path.

It's hard to know. None of us can predict the future. But honestly, it hurts to lose a parent. Especially when you never got to know them. I really hope you can work things out. I do still deeply sympathise with the want parents feel to suicide but I suppose, given my history, I tend to feel bad for the child.

I suppose I'm curious though really. Your motive sounds financial- to provide for your family with an insurance payout. Is that really going to be so massive though, that it would be the equivalent of the rest of your lifetimes wages in a different job? Sorry- not trying to make you feel bad. I just can't quite get my ahead around it. Surely, your death will also affect them negatively financially in the long-run?

It's not so massive but it would be enough to get by for some months. After that my hope is the following: our families help them until my wife remarries. Whatever guy she marries it'll be better than me that's for sure so that doesn't worry me.
It's just that balancing everything, I don't see a scenario where I can be alive and that our lives improve.

 

[Linda]

What the title says.
I have a baby boy who I love more than anything else, but I'm failing to provide. I might lose my only job due to some political reasons. When that happens I'll have no other choice but to CTB so my wife can collect insurance.
I know that losing a father can impact the life of a child, but what if the child has a big supportive family? Cousins, uncles, aunts, grand parents and more. Could I leave this world with peace knowing he will be fine?
His mother is a very good mother. She doesn't care about me but she's an amazing caregiver for our baby.
I just want to know he'll be fine without his loser dad.

You are basically asking people to make your decision for you. It's your decision. Nobody else can tell you what you should do.

 

[BlackEyedDog]

I'll make it look like an accident so at least there's that. It would be just a regular ol death that happen everyday worldwide.

This is really helpful thanks

I am sorry for all that you are going through, the tremendous stress and the heartbreak you are feeling. I would be concerned that insurance might be more thorough than it might seem, including social media and maybe even search histories.

 

[kindalone]

He's a baby so he won't really have many problems growing up as long as someone takes on the role of the male father figure. With the support system you mentioned, I doubt there are going to be massive financial burdens unless your wife makes some really stupid decisions. But as others have pointed out, he will be quite shocked when he finds out. Maybe write in your letter that you don't want him to know until he's 18. Make them pretend you died in a car accident or something. That way he won't blame himself. Kids are like that sometimes. I don't know what your relationship with the mother of your child is like. I feel like how she's going to take your absence will be a bigger factor in this. You say she doesn't care much about you, but that's subjective. Any death in someone's vicinity will be devastating in some capacity. I'd hold off and check for sure who's really going to be there when shit hits the fan.

Take it with a grain of salt, but my father was a loser in many ways. Never taught me shit and always just scurried away when things got tough. His financial decisions were a disaster and my mother had to take the reins in that regard. I only ever lost respect for him when I realized he never really tried. He only loved us when it was convenient and treated us like a burden that was forced on him when shit got tough. It's all about attitude. You have your flaws; we all have. But as long as your motivation to keep going is clear, your son will love you no matter what. If you can show him how much you love him, he will look past all that shit you think is so important. Just some food for thought.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

You decided to have a child and now you are responsible for them. If you want to ctb then you'll have to wait until they are an independent adult. I'm seriously getting sick and tired of parents wanting to not have to take responsibility for the little humans that they created just because they want to ctb. You are the father, so you have to raise them. This is one of the few times where I'd argue that ctbing is selfish.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

At least you can "hate" an absentee father. You can feel a difference from absentee to permanent absentee. It's their worst nightmare come true.
That's too much to ask a child to handle.

 

[Ol Messier 87]

I'm not here to judge anyone, but when you see the emotional damage that the absence of a parent can cause, I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to lose your father in such a horrible way and at such a young age.
People who've read my messages here will say that I have a suicide story for any circumstance... and I do indeed:
I knew (more or less) a girl whose father hung himself when we were in elementary school. She grew up seeming very emotionally strong, but who really knows what was going on in her mind ? Now, do most kids have the capacity to be as strong and resilient as she seemed to be ?
I don't think so, somehow.