Bye bye.

[Wreck-it-Riley]

Things are compounding quickly in my life and escalating past the point of no return. I have my letting to my daughter typed and edited, and the hand written one as well. The general one, all ready to go. I will probably send them tomorrow. Initially i wanted to leave a letter for a lawyer or somebody to give to my baby at an appropriate age to really explain why i do this. But i have to trust her family to show it to her when she is ready.

So tonight the night. i wanted to wait till long enough after her birthday that she could enjoy it without thinking about me. But i cant wait two more months.

I found this forum to be a great help for a peaceful exit. I used to believe i had to suffer in death as i do in life. So thank you all.

And to those who helped me with my child's letter, again thank you. That has been a major barrier for a long time. I have tried 100 times to write it out but never finished it. now i will have both done before i go.

I spend most of yesterday packing my belongings. at this point its really not a lot. next tenant can keep the kitchen stuff. my friend can have my bed (Im gonna die in an empty spare room) and tv, but the rest of it is worthless. i sold everything of value to survive this long as it is.

I wont be buried under my chosen name, Hana. It means bliss, happiness and flower. Actually a ton of things in a ton of languages, almost always pretty. This makes me so angry to not be accepted as who i am and buried as a man. even though legally i have everything changed. she will want the tombstone to read her ex husbands name. guess ill be dead anyway.

Im shaking, scared and confused. The world is such a beautiful place, and i am happy to become a part of that beauty again. so why am i scared?

Anyway, i am gonna log out, but might lurk until the time. Here ia great poem i have on my wall. Toodles, and good luck to all.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Will miss you... Lots and lots... xo

 

[Darkhaven]

Sorry it has come to this.
Whatever it is you decide to do i hope you find some comfort and peace!

 

[reapandsow918]

How will you go about doing it? SN?

 

[awfullife]

Hoping for Peace and comfort for u

 

[L-L]

You are another of the ones who's posts I followed during my lurking days. I grew find of your inputs and opinions on many threads, and will miss seeing your words.

I hope you find what you are searching for.

 

[MourningHeart]

I do not know you, but reading your words here alone is enough to see that you are a lovable but sad soul. I am very sorry that until the end you are not accepted as who you are. Your name Hana, the flower, sounds very beautiful. It fits the character that I read here.

It makes me sad that you have to go, although you find this world somehow beautiful. To be afraid is alright. I wish you to be finally released from all your suffers, sorrows and pain that you have. I'm sure your child will eventually understand because they love you. Have a safe and peaceful journey.

 

[Quax]

So sad seeing great people go for ever....I wish you will find peace and freedom for your soul. CU on the other side

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're going so soon, but if that's your decision I hope you and your daughter both find peace. x

 

[Jean4]

We are here for you. I hope you find peace. Sending you love.

 

[truthseeker]

So sorry it has come to this for you. If you have decided to go, may you find the peace that life was unable to provide.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Sending my best wishes that you'll be okay on whichever road you happen to travel. I'll miss seeing that avatar. May we meet again under more favorable circumstances.

 

[Ark]

No matter what it is your choice and I support that no matter what! But please keep in mind you do have value! To yourself and to others. If you decide your pain and anguish outweigh that value I understand that as that is where I am. Even my grown children support my right to make this decision for my self. But I know they love me, at least a little.

I hope you find the peace you deserve no matter what else. And if you want to talk at all, I am always willing.

 

[Fragile]

so sad to see you go, i really enjoyed your posts and replies, you will be missed.

i really hope that you pass peacefuly and whatever comes after, treats you better than this life did.

 

[Little Mook]

I'm sure your beauty will shine through your girl too, Hana. Wishing you peace and an easier journey in whatever happens.

 

[Neverod]

Goodbye, hope everything works as intended and you do what you want successfully.

 

[justwhy?]

We never exchanged words but I read many of your posts. You struck me as interesting and funny, but I have no insight into gender dysphoria, so I always had half a mind to quiz you on it... I'm afraid I was too timid in the end. I'm sorry I passed up that chance for you to be heard and for me to grow through listening. I hope others here gave you that understanding.

And I am quite glad you wrote 2 letters for your daughter. I cannot remember who suggested it but I believe your daughter will better be able to reconcile herself with it all as a result.

May Choronzon let you go in peace.

 

[okaoki]

i really hope you find peace

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I've always enjoyed our exchanges. Hoping all goes smoothly for you. Thank you for your time with us.

 

[LonelyLight]

Best of luck with everything

 

[Lotus1818]

I have seen your name in allot of threads. It's sad to see you go. But we all have our reasons. I wish you the best and I hope you find your rest

 

[Meant2Die]

Wishing you are in a better place now and that it was quick and peaceful. Rip.