When my pain gets too much, I think that I want to stop existing the minute I die, I don't even want a blissful, ideal afterlife. Nada, I just want to stop being me forever, so this leads me to think that my body should be cremated. That I should disappear like I never existed goddammit.
But when my pain is "milder" (yeah right..it's still there, but in the background, I just don't focus on it) I think I should be buried. But goddammit my favorite cemetery in my city is a historical cemetery now, they don't bury people anymore there. I can't even be buried where I want to, for Christ's sake
Edit: also I feel I should be buried so that I can provide
my religious parents with the "comfort" that they have cared for my peace or passing the way they need to