Bullying and suicide: What's the connection?

[Ruffian]

My boyfriend's brother is "intellectually disabled." They are both older, and grew up in an era when bullies were dealt with properly. Like @GeorgeJL, they went to their family and the problem was solved. Their uncles were semi-pro boxers, and one of them beat the shit out of the first kid to call the brother retarded and shove him in the dirt. Uncle did time without complaint and went right back into boxing professionally when he go released. And now the brother is able to function independently and was never picked on in school again. That is how things should have happened for you @Alan James. Believe me, there are teachers who probably cared, but they are so overworked and stressed, and all a bully needs is 5 seconds for them to turn their heads. I'm not saying every parent should risk going to jail, but at a time when kids were openly called "retarded," my bf's brother managed to grow up with a sense of self-esteem and self-worth. I''m sure if he had to do it over, the uncle would do the same thing.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

I was bullied from grade school on. It was tough making friends for me, due to my anxiety. I was also "odd", in that I was a girl who liked bugs and lizards and wanted to be a paleontologist when she grew up.
What friends I did make, I never invited over to my house, because of my alcoholic father. Then, to top it all off, I was chubby, which was basically a big target painted on me at all times.
By high school, my self-esteem was nil. I made a friend, and I confided in my problems, and even my father's alcoholism. 2 years later, she completely turned on me. She would call my house at all hours, every day. My parents went to my school, and they basically told them it was out of their hands. That was when I attempted my first time.
The most screwed up part, that still pisses me off. 2 years after graduating HS, that girl that bullied me called and wanted to speak to me. I hung up on her. The next day, she called again, this time my mom answered it, and brought the phone. My bully called to apologize for what she had done to me. I hung up on her again. My mom then gets all happy and says "at least you'll have a friend to hang out with. It makes me so sad seeing you all alone". Gee, thanks, mom.

I occasionally check the obituaries for that bullys' name, so I guess you never really get over bullying. I'm fairly certain it also affected my ability to make friends, even as an adult. I'm always feeling unworthy, and my anxiety just works itself up at the thought of talking to people.

 

[Ruffian]

I was bullied from grade school on. It was tough making friends for me, due to my anxiety. I was also "odd", in that I was a girl who liked bugs and lizards and wanted to be a paleontologist when she grew up.
What friends I did make, I never invited over to my house, because of my alcoholic father. Then, to top it all off, I was chubby, which was basically a big target painted on me at all times.
By high school, my self-esteem was nil. I made a friend, and I confided in my problems, and even my father's alcoholism. 2 years later, she completely turned on me. She would call my house at all hours, every day. My parents went to my school, and they basically told them it was out of their hands. That was when I attempted my first time.
The most screwed up part, that still pisses me off. 2 years after graduating HS, that girl that bullied me called and wanted to speak to me. I hung up on her. The next day, she called again, this time my mom answered it, and brought the phone. My bully called to apologize for what she had done to me. I hung up on her again. My mom then gets all happy and says "at least you'll have a friend to hang out with. It makes me so sad seeing you all alone". Gee, thanks, mom.

I occasionally check the obituaries for that bullys' name, so I guess you never really get over bullying. I'm fairly certain it also affected my ability to make friends, even as an adult. I'm always feeling unworthy, and my anxiety just works itself up at the thought of talking to people.

Did you ever get to go to school for paleontology? I hate bullies so much; I just shared on another thread when I was 10 I used to have to physically fight a group of boys who ganged up on me on a daily basis. I have never forgotten how bad it hurts to be punched in the stomach by a boy, and then still have to hold up your arm so your face doesn't get bashed in. I haven't thought about that in ages, but it was awful. And that was just the first summer! For the whole school year I had to listen to being called fat, my sister had her face made fun of so I had to protect her, it was awful. No wonder I don't trust people or have any friends. I'm sorry you went through such a horrible time. I try to forget almost all of elementary and middle school. My psychological armor was in place by high school so I made a few superficial friends at least.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

Did you ever get to go to school for paleontology?

No, I never went to school. I was psyched out by my mother. Told me I wouldn't be able to hack college because I was too timid to speak to people. I didn't go to college, period. Afraid of speaking in class, so I guess she was right about that.
I do collect fossils, although I haven't for many years. I should dig them out sometime (pun intended). That kind of stuff actually brings me some joy.

 

[Misanthrope]

Oh, that is an easy one. The connection is torture. Generally, we condemn people being tortured and having their testicles fried. Or being humiliated or beaten and brutalised in various ways on a regular basis for the mistake of existing. We also condemn psychological torture as well even if it does no physical damage. Even condemn people being locked up in cubed bare rooms till they lose all capacity to interact with other human beings.

Its the same for people who escape torturous regimes, high statistical chance they will off themselves even if now free. Torture lives on in the mind long after it has ended. We have all manner of laws and investigative bodies surrounding this. It's all taken very seriously indeed!

However, there is a bizarre blindspot when it comes to bullying. Because it is children it is not serious. Because you haven't been abducted and testicles fried its just children being children they will grow out of it... Or teens in their rebel phase.

Yet if you examine it. It sure as hell seems to consist of prolonged unwanted inflicted pain. Young fists still leave bruises and break bones do they not? Humiliation in front of peers seems the modus operandi of most bullies as well. Psychological twisted mind games another thing to add to the mix. The bare isolation rooms they make of the bullied lives is just as spartan. As they render you a pariah and normalise it being okay for others to torment you or think ill of you cementing aloneness. This will keep a person isolated because to befriend you is to potentially become a target themselves. School years are a lot of years to be going through and the eternity of that will be magnified if you are being tortured in that environment or anywhere else for that matter.

None of this is taken seriously enough, school bullying should be renamed child torture and have just a heavy response to it as if they had duct-taped a dogs muzzle to the point it dies. That actually gets more of a response! Because if thirty years down the line you still have no self-esteem and don't trust people, so live vicariously through screens while pondering if death would be preferable. They have stolen your life and murdered you on the inside. That to me is a serious crime.

I don't care if its children or adults engaged in torture. If you don't respond to it in the formative years of development it leaves a dangerous education behind. That being a sadistic fuck gets you rewarded. So why not be a sadistic fuck in future too.

As a society we don't do enough to address sources of pain. Ultimately pain kills people and will drive them directly or indirectly into an early grave, it is that simple.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

I wish we all could just be kind to one another.
Not every problem would be solved, but it would be one less thing on someone's plate.

 

[littlelady774]

Anyone ever been asked out as a joke?
I have been in 5th grade :( Always felt like the ugly girl after that

 

[clownangel]

It got worse for me around 4th grade when people started to notice that I was "different" and honestly hasn't let up since. I switched schools twice, protection orders, ridiculous amounts of therapy, etc. Intensified my anxiety to the point that I was ill and barely showed up in highschool - dropped out and tested out for my diploma days later. Even as an adult I'm always looking over my shoulder or worrying that I've said something wrong.

I still get bullied as an adult and even though my mental health would probably be a mess regardless it definitely doesn't help. Self worth stays in the gutter, I'm consistently on edge - and because I still look "really young" if I'm in public and end up started at by what I assume is a group of high schoolers I end up super shaken up & feel like such a dumbass for it.

Anyone ever been asked out as a joke?
I have been in 5th grade :( Always felt like the ugly girl after that

UGH, I hate that. Happened to me a couple times between 12-15, I'm always hoping for the best in people and in situations like that it's just so awful.