Discussion Bullied for SH

[gnarly]

I've seen people be laughed at or made fun of because there SH scars weren't deep enough. I wonder. Does it really matter? Does SH have to always result in you bleeding out? Hey does it matter how deep it is? Me personally I think regardless of how deep it is, it shouldn't matter. SH is bad on its own.

 

[SilentSuicidal]

I agree with you, self harm is severe at any depth. Anyone that self harms is deserving of support/help. The ones that ridicule others are most often just assholes that don't understand, or are people that are just projecting themselves onto others

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It doesn't matter. SH is SH. How deep you cut doesn't change that, nor does it reflect how much emotional pain you are in. Most people who cut stick to cat scratches but a lot of people who hang out a lot on online SH communities don't realize this, since those places tend to parade around those who engage in more moderate-severe forms of it.

Still, I sometimes find myself wishing that cut deeper and longer. I sometimes look at past pictures of my SH and feel like it isn't invalid because it isn't deep or wide enough. Most of my deeper cuts involve me cutting down to the top of the fat layer. I've only cut into that layer once. That's the thing that annoys me the most. It doesn't matter how aware you are about how bullshit the whole "deeper and wider you cut = SH is valid" narrative is. Even if you understand that there is always that part of you that believes it and that wishes that you cut deeper, even though no matter how deep you cut you know that you'll always feel like your SH is invalid. I don't feel like I had cut deep enough. Even though I had a nurse comment on how deep my SH was before, it still doesn't feel like enough. I always find myself now regretting not cutting down to the fascia. I hate it, but there isn't much I can do about it.

 

[apearl]

If you are harming yourself on purpose that's self harm, it doesn't matter the damage. Though, I have seen similar rhetoric to what your talking about in online SH circles and it's upsetting because continuing that kind of idealization for more damage just leads to more harm.

 

[TransfemCutter]

Just like EvisceratedJester said, there is no depth of cuts that are more or less valid than others, but what is important to know about NSSI is that it almost always follows with strong feelings of inadequacy as well as triggers; one of the more common ones being a community of other people who engage in SH. Those two factors will often result in wanting to always "one up" your self and your peers. My best friend is a really bad cutter, as am I, and we talk almost daily about how deep our styros can get, and I've basically only cat scratched until meeting them. If someone makes you feel like you aren't cutting deep enough, that is likely just because they've been cutting for long enough to graduate to the point where they themselves feel like they can never cut deep enough. Try and assure yourself of that <3

 

[ramon]

Don't know whether my case belongs to this thread.

On one hand, I've engaged in clasical SH (cuts on forearms) once or twice in my whole life. On the other hand, I've been pounding my head (mostly) against walls and floors for mistakes I make, anger issues, and bitter memories of the past.

Bleeding or temporary hearing loss might occur every now and then.

Yes. I've had people laugh at me for doing that and asked me to do it again to have an additional laugh.

These days I keep everything to myself, and the bulling (on this matter) no longer happens. However, this kind of SH keeps happening.

 

[amnesia999]

Bleeding or temporary hearing loss might occur every now and then.

Yes. I've had people laugh at me for doing that and asked me to do it again to have an additional laugh.

I don't understand why someone would laugh at you for banging your head so hard that it bled. Or ask you to do it so they could watch.

People like that are assholes. Maybe most people are assholes.

 

[twolegs]

When things were really bad for me I had cuts all up and down my arms and I almost never covered them unless it was cold outside. This was when I was in highschool like 6 or 7 years ago so I'm thankful that I wasn't bullied but thinking back I'm super embarrassed that I did that. Self harm isn't a competition no matter what form or how bad it's valid. You have to be suffering a lot internally to want to do it in the first place.

 

[ramon]

I don't understand why someone would laugh at you for banging your head so hard that it bled. Or ask you to do it so they could watch.

People like that are assholes. Maybe most people are assholes.

You're right about everything you say.

However, I want to set the record straight and admit that I've bullied others in the past.

Sure those people I mentally, verbally, or physically abused were not incurring in SH; but what I did to them (sadly) left a scar on them for the rest of their lives.

If you also think that I'm an asshole, then you're also right!

This goes to show that all human beings (for one reason or another) have the potential to find pleasure in other people's suffering.

I regret these wrongdoings, but would those younger versions of myself who did those horrible things apologize to their victims seconds after harming them?

 

[amnesia999]

This goes to show that all human beings (for one reason or another) have the potential to find pleasure in other people's suffering.

That's true.

(Now that I think about it, I never did much bullying. Blaming stuff I did on other people, cheating, shit like that, getting in fights with my brother, yes, but I think my father was such a verbally and physically abusive person that I didn't want to act like him. He was mister "spare the rod and spoil the child". God I'm such a freak. Sorry for the rant.)

 

[rih]

I've had a few comments about SH over the years; I feel people don't really understand it's purpose hence the comments so openly or casually. It's like an inconceivable process to deal with something for them. Which is fair as it's pretty unhealthy, i've had an ex look at my scars and offhandedly say I did it for attention. something so casually spoken that I can't seem to forget for whatever reason. Some old friends would say mention things about not getting enough attention or that 'I did it the wrong way i'm still here', stuff like that.

But like everything there's extremes or subcultures, at the end of the day it's a means to an end if nicking your finger is enough to calm you down then so be it. Reminds me of drinking culture ( blah blah blah is a lightweight / but they get drunk for cheaper ) stuff like that.

The remorse I feel is what leads into these circles/subcultures, I'll admit 10+ years ago I was part of some from other forums/boards where people shared(overtly) about this that and the other, and it's far too easy gain attachment or be goaded into doing x or y.

As i've grown up though i'm sure i've gotten other comments or looks but i can't remember them at all. People's words shouldn't have more power than your own over your own autonomy/health.

I hope you're being safe/not giving in to pressure or discourse from feeling lesser for not doing something bad a worse way.