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It's definitely not just you. My husband experiences this as well. I'm a follower of gnostic principles at heart and that mitigates the feelings for me.
Sometimes we are not ready. I have come to accept that my spiritual practice might have been just to avoid becoming a dangerous criminal. Knowing the story of some serial murderers etc I can see some similarities. If you have very dense Karma perhaps that´s all you can do, fight off the darkness and consume all your energies in that. That´s my take on what you wrote, I´m not implying you are a dormant criminal like I think I am lol
This can be a legitimate part of an evolutionary process. Sometimes as people progress, their behaviour actually becomes worse, or all sorts of issues come up. But this is bringing to the surface things that were previously buried outright. If you are ever so inclined, a competent teacher could help you overcome those feelings.
I hope so, then some good has come out of all this. As for a teacher, I like the idea but think that ship might have sailed for me at this point in my life, as far as buddhism goes anyway. Beyond a surface level or community center / meditation retreat style thing, it's not as open-to-all as people might think. Especially a dummy like me. Very few qualify to be taught true buddhism and the masters actually have a bit of a bloodline thing going on behind the scenes. But I should probably get back into my loose westernised interest and practice of it again at least. I'd even be satisfied at the least with finding someone to do Powa for me when I die http://yogichen.org/powa_e.html
Hey, I would enjoy a thread from you explaining your readings and understanding of Gnosticism, I delved into that a little bit years ago and still think it makes more sense than mainstream Christianity.
Hmm. Gnosticism is a general belief that this world was created and is ruled by an evil God that's lesser than 'the bigger God', and agnosticism is a more modern term that refers to a neutral/open stance towards metaphysics, like not believing in a particular religion but neither categorically asserting that you think it is a load of crap.
Hmm. Gnosticism is a general belief that this world was created and is ruled by an evil God that's lesser than 'the bigger God', and agnosticism is a more modern term that refers to a neutral/open stance towards metaphysics, like not believing in a particular religion but neither categorically asserting that you think it is a load of crap.
Where I used to live, there was a Gnostic church, my old boss used to go to that place and he told me about the rites they did, incantations, cabala, and stuff, I'm used to finding strange things, in another city where I was there was an atheist church
Where I used to live, there was a Gnostic church, my old boss used to go to that place and he told me about the rites they did, incantations, cabala, and stuff, I'm used to finding strange things, in another city where I was there was an atheist church
Overall Gnosticism makes more sense than Christianity, there's obviously something very wrong about this world and if 'someone' created it certainly cannot be perfect and all-knowing. But I favour more understanding religions as symbolic and not literal as literalist interpretations are reductionist and directly absurd, although Buddhism or Hinduism seem to me more apt to be understood literally at times.
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