Help Broken heart=lost life

[Centerism]

Hey,
I recently lost my partner to a brutal overdose. I am lost without him. I am incapable of reassuring myself that life goes on. I don't want to try and ctb again and fail, again. I'm scared of ending back up in a psych ward. That kills me more than anything. They try and try to convince you not to leave this plane by your own hand but it makes me want to slap them and convince them that this is mercy. Something I feel will better me.

I am an overall loving person and wish no ill will on anyone. I wish only for those around me to be the best that suits them. And I always support anyone in their best decisions. It's not hard for me to love or experience love. But I am lost without the love of my life. He will always be with me.

I'm thinking of tonight being the night. But I don't know a peaceful, painless way to go. I hope I figure something out.

Let me know what your think. Thanks. I love you all.

 

[Fordprefect]

Fuck, that's horrible. I don't know what to say. Please don't do anything to yourself. He would hate that.

Hang in there bro.

 

[pole]

Hey,
I recently lost my partner to a brutal overdose. I am lost without him. I am incapable of reassuring myself that life goes on. I don't want to try and ctb again and fail, again. I'm scared of ending back up in a psych ward. That kills me more than anything. They try and try to convince you not to leave this plane by your own hand but it makes me want to slap them and convince them that this is mercy. Something I feel will better me.

I am an overall loving person and wish no ill will on anyone. I wish only for those around me to be the best that suits them. And I always support anyone in their best decisions. It's not hard for me to love or experience love. But I am lost without the love of my life. He will always be with me.

I'm thinking of tonight being the night. But I don't know a peaceful, painless way to go. I hope I figure something out.

Let me know what your think. Thanks. I love you all.

that's so terrible. so sorry for you're loss and what you've gone through.

hope you find the peace that you're looking for.

 

[Soul]

@Centerism, I'm very sorry for your loss, and that you're struggling so. There are no words but I will wrap my coat around you and sit with you. (((Hugs)))

 

[Centerism]

Fuck, that's horrible. I don't know what to say. Please don't do anything to yourself. He would hate that.

Hang in there bro.

Thank you. But I don't feel as if I could continue with the love I've lost. But honestly I am open to life without him. As hard as it might seem. Thank you.

@Centerism, I'm very sorry for your loss, and that you're struggling so. There are no words but I will wrap my coat around you and sit with you. (((Hugs)))

thank you. I am at peace knowing I will soon be comfortable again.

 

[Dawn0071111]

OMG! I am sooo sorry hun. You have got to be in the worst pain imginable. I get it. You have to do what is best for you. Make sure you are sure.......... I wish I could give you a big hug. :(

 

[Centerism]

OMG! I am sooo sorry hun. You have got to be in the worst pain imginable. I get it. You have to do what is best for you. Make sure you are sure.......... I wish I could give you a big hug. :(

OMG! I am sooo sorry hun. You have got to be in the worst pain imginable. I get it. You have to do what is best for you. Make sure you are sure.......... I wish I could give you a big hug. :(

Thank you. It does hurt. And I'm hoping to remedy that. I'm still not sure thought will be my night. I still want to experience love but I think my loss will hinder that. We all have our reasons to love life but sometimes the hurt outweighs that.

 

[Centerism]

Well it passed ten o clock. Which was my time to ctb tonight. So I'll stay on here trying to help others in their decisions. I've possibly found a partner and have found a good way to end it. So I'll ctb the bus another day and anther way. Thanks all who supported my thread.

Love

 

[ImSorryEmma]

God damn, that is gotta be the worst feeling to ever experience, I'm very sorry this has happened to you. Are you going to attend his funeral at least if there will be one or are you going to CTB as soon as possible?

 

[Centerism]

God damn, that is gotta be the worst feeling to ever experience, I'm very sorry this has happened to you. Are you going to attend his funeral at least if there will be one or are you going to CTB as soon as possible?

It is the worst feeling to lose someone you truly loved. And the idea that you'll never love again is the scariest part. I think that's the real reason right now that I'll try and get to the bus stop soon. I am looking for a female partner who will support me as I support her.

As for his funeral... we couldn't afford one. We had him cremated and I have some of his ashes. I think I might prolong the inevitable and ctb before the winter. And when I go it'll be with a h/f overdose and when I snort it up I'll put some of his ashes with it so he is with me in my final moments.

 

[Dawn0071111]

Thank you. It does hurt. And I'm hoping to remedy that. I'm still not sure thought will be my night. I still want to experience love but I think my loss will hinder that. We all have our reasons to love life but sometimes the hurt outweighs that.

I hear you, the pain drowns out hope and the heart wants what it wants and sometimes we are complelled to obey the pain.... to bring an end to our suffering. Trust me I know, there are moments when I am more than ready to drink the poison, curl up into a little ball and float away forever......

 

[Centerism]

I hear you, the pain drowns out hope and the heart wants what it wants and sometimes we are complelled to obey the pain.... to bring an end to our suffering. Trust me I know, there are moments when I am more than ready to drink the poison, curl up into a little ball and float away forever......

I feel that way quite often. I would love nothing more than to drift off into the peaceful summer lands. But sometimes it's love that is worth living. Or living for the worth of love. I have been fortunate to have loved in life and that has taught me to love others unconditionally. This gets me into unfortunate situations. It also helps me to show that humanity isn't dead. I want people to know I love them even if I have never talked to them. I believe that to be my reason that is why I keep blowing the whistle on myself. But one day I will find my own happiness, my own love, and I'll make it to that bus stop. Till the then, hugs, love for all of you.

 

[arelia]

I feel that way quite often. I would love nothing more than to drift off into the peaceful summer lands. But sometimes it's love that is worth living. Or living for the worth of love. I have been fortunate to have loved in life and that has taught me to love others unconditionally. This gets me into unfortunate situations. It also helps me to show that humanity isn't dead. I want people to know I love them even if I have never talked to them. I believe that to be my reason that is why I keep blowing the whistle on myself. But one day I will find my own happiness, my own love, and I'll make it to that bus stop. Till the then, hugs, love for all of you.

Grief is the price we pay for love.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you find the peace you're seeking, whether it be the bus or something that comes into your life to make it worth continuing. I hope it's the latter because the world doesn't have enough love in it as it is but if it's the former, I hope it's a comfortable passing.

 

[Centerism]

Grief is the price we pay for love.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you find the peace you're seeking, whether it be the bus or something that comes into your life to make it worth continuing. I hope it's the latter because the world doesn't have enough love in it as it is but if it's the former, I hope it's a comfortable passing.

Thank you. I hope the same for myself. I hope to find something that makes life's worries a little less unfortunate. But if it is the bus, all I can hope and wish for is a peaceful, painless passing.

 

[oopswronglife]

Hang in there bro.

PHRASING! ;)

Heartbreak is horrible. I saw the title and was prepared to talk about letting someone who betrayed/abandoned/cheated etc drag you down because we so often do that even when that person doesn't deserve it and wasn't who we imagined them to be. But losing someone suddenly through no fault or intent of their own is one of the worst pains there is. We all know how hard it is to find good people and even the best relationships take work, so it's doubly cruel when one of those is crushed. My only advice is give things time and see what you feel like once the "crisis" passes. The loss will always be there...but the acute crisis is unimaginable pain for most people. Of course once can ctb any time for any reason, but often people do it in desperation thinking they can never manage, when it was the crisis fooling them. It's a shame to lose a future because of that.

 

[Centerism]

PHRASING! ;)

Heartbreak is horrible. I saw the title and was prepared to talk about letting someone who betrayed/abandoned/cheated etc drag you down because we so often do that even when that person doesn't deserve it and wasn't who we imagined them to be. But losing someone suddenly through no fault or intent of their own is one of the worst pains there is. We all know how hard it is to find good people and even the best relationships take work, so it's doubly cruel when one of those is crushed. My only advice is give things time and see what you feel like once the "crisis" passes. The loss will always be there...but the acute crisis is unimaginable pain for most people. Of course once can ctb any time for any reason, but often people do it in desperation thinking they can never manage, when it was the crisis fooling them. It's a shame to lose a future because of that.

I understand what your saying about crisis being a kind of false flag, but I've been on the bus for a very long time now. My love and I were planning on going out for years together.

I've been drained of life of a long time. When I was in my teens I was outed for being gay because of a tape surfacing of me getting high and having very taboo sex. The tape made it all the way around social media and various porn sites. My mother even saw it. I was chastised and provoked and even beaten for who I was. I almost lost my life to bigots multiple times. The heat on me soon passed but the hatred and disappointment people felt for me never faded. Now I have no family left except for a gay uncle who died from aids and all my friends slowly stopped talking to me. I have new friends today that I've met through like causes and they all support me in my final decision which makes me feel whole. But the pain I feel had never subsided and outweighs any thoughts I have about a positive future.

So in conclusion I'm not acting on a loss altogether. I'm actingon the loss I have as a human. I won't ctb immediately. But I know I have nothing left in the tank.

 

[Groovy123]

I've been reading your post. Seems like we both have been feeling the same way lately.

 

[noreasonsleft]

I understand what your saying about crisis being a kind of false flag, but I've been on the bus for a very long time now. My love and I were planning on going out for years together.

I've been drained of life of a long time. When I was in my teens I was outed for being gay because of a tape surfacing of me getting high and having very taboo sex. The tape made it all the way around social media and various porn sites. My mother even saw it. I was chastised and provoked and even beaten for who I was. I almost lost my life to bigots multiple times. The heat on me soon passed but the hatred and disappointment people felt for me never faded. Now I have no family left except for a gay uncle who died from aids and all my friends slowly stopped talking to me. I have new friends today that I've met through like causes and they all support me in my final decision which makes me feel whole. But the pain I feel had never subsided and outweighs any thoughts I have about a positive future.

So in conclusion I'm not acting on a loss altogether. I'm actingon the loss I have as a human. I won't ctb immediately. But I know I have nothing left in the tank.

You're not alone. I've lost someone I loved very very deeply like I never had before. And that person is never coming back. That's why I ended up here. Just know that I know it sucks but don't ever think that you are alone in this kind of suffering. Sending you lots of love.

 

[azucaramargo]

Hey,
I recently lost my partner to a brutal overdose. I am lost without him. I am incapable of reassuring myself that life goes on. I don't want to try and ctb again and fail, again. I'm scared of ending back up in a psych ward. That kills me more than anything. They try and try to convince you not to leave this plane by your own hand but it makes me want to slap them and convince them that this is mercy. Something I feel will better me.

I am an overall loving person and wish no ill will on anyone. I wish only for those around me to be the best that suits them. And I always support anyone in their best decisions. It's not hard for me to love or experience love. But I am lost without the love of my life. He will always be with me.

I'm thinking of tonight being the night. But I don't know a peaceful, painless way to go. I hope I figure something out.

Let me know what your think. Thanks. I love you all.

This is so sad! I send you a lot of love as well. Your loving nature is an incredible gift and a powerful strength. Please don't go tonight.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Hey,
I recently lost my partner to a brutal overdose. I am lost without him. I am incapable of reassuring myself that life goes on. I don't want to try and ctb again and fail, again. I'm scared of ending back up in a psych ward. That kills me more than anything. They try and try to convince you not to leave this plane by your own hand but it makes me want to slap them and convince them that this is mercy. Something I feel will better me.

I am an overall loving person and wish no ill will on anyone. I wish only for those around me to be the best that suits them. And I always support anyone in their best decisions. It's not hard for me to love or experience love. But I am lost without the love of my life. He will always be with me.

I'm thinking of tonight being the night. But I don't know a peaceful, painless way to go. I hope I figure something out.

Let me know what your think. Thanks. I love you all.

I'm so sorry. I never got to experience love because at 20 I developed the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I'm 34 now and will never know love and that is part of why I want to die on top of the brutal pain and isolation. I wonder if it's better to have loved and lost than to never have lived at all. I can't imagine what you're going through so I'm not going to pretend to try. I just wish you all the best no matter what you decide to do.