Venting Broke up with gf

[MMG]

im a bit drunk so ignore if im mumbling too much

A couple days ago my gf (well now ex) admitted that she was being flirted with by others and that she enjoyed it and from my pov she didnt stop it. While together she realized she made a mistake but i mean at that point the loyalty and trust were gone. She hasnt tried even a single bit of trying to get me back, she gave up on me. She keeps saying she does love me but how can you love me if you dont even try? I still love her and i just want her to message me. I fucking hate life without her, im all alone now. Completely empty. I want to fuck up the guy that did this but she wont tell me. I have even have friends all over the world being there to help me with it.

I have been trying to get SN (in germany) but it seems impossible to get it from how stupid I am. Life makes no sense being alone. I live in this country by myself, no family or friends here. I just wanted to be loved. I wanted her to be mine. I wanted to be hers. After 1 year of dating I feel like I could have deserved a little more respect. Please help me. I have no idea what to do. I have never felt this shit.

Since yesterday I have been drinking. Im just realizing this and my mind just processed everything that happened. I want to hurt her back but I cant cuz she doesnt care about me anymore. Im on a complete breakdown. I just want me and her back how we were months ago. I miss that version of her...

Edit: Thank you all for letting me vent and hearing me out. I really appreciate it.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm sorry to hear that.

 

[_Alfarooq_]

im a bit drunk so ignore if im mumbling too much

A couple days ago my gf (well now ex) admitted that she was being flirted with by others and that she enjoyed it and from my pov she didnt stop it. While together she realized she made a mistake but i mean at that point the loyalty and trust were gone. She hasnt tried even a single bit of trying to get me back, she gave up on me. She keeps saying she does love me but how can you love me if you dont even try? I still love her and i just want her to message me. I fucking hate life without her, im all alone now. Completely empty. I want to fuck up the guy that did this but she wont tell me. I have even have friends all over the world being there to help me with it.

I have been trying to get SN (in germany) but it seems impossible to get it from how stupid I am. Life makes no sense being alone. I live in this country by myself, no family or friends here. I just wanted to be loved. I wanted her to be mine. I wanted to be hers. After 1 year of dating I feel like I could have deserved a little more respect. Please help me. I have no idea what to do. I have never felt this shit.

Since yesterday I have been drinking. Im just realizing this and my mind just processed everything that happened. I want to hurt her back but I cant cuz she doesnt care about me anymore. Im on a complete breakdown. I just want me and her back how we were months ago. I miss that version of her...

"I want to hurt her back but I cant cuz she doesnt care about me anymore."

If I were you I would hurt her as much as possible before you CTB. I mean, she was the one who brought you into this situation.

 

[Al Gul]

Hurting her wouldn't solve your pain. I get it tho, vent and get it out of your system. Mourning period first, then rebuilding. Y'know, unless you take the final route.

 

[fwompie]

"I want to hurt her back but I cant cuz she doesnt care about me anymore."

If I were you I would hurt her as much as possible before you CTB. I mean, she was the one who brought you into this situation.

Was she? She flirted, he didn't like it, he broke up, she was fine with it. It must hurt of course, but encouraging violence is just a no-go in this situation. It's a breakup.
What would hurting her do? Blowing this way out of proportion.

 

[MMG]

"I want to hurt her back but I cant cuz she doesnt care about me anymore."

If I were you I would hurt her as much as possible before you CTB. I mean, she was the one who brought you into this situation.

i cant hurt her.. I love her too much

Hurting her wouldn't solve your pain. I get it tho, vent and get it out of your system. Mourning period first, then rebuilding. Y'know, unless you take the final route.

i just want to hurt someone aswell idk i feel so useless

Was she? She flirted, he didn't like it, he broke up, she was fine with it. It must hurt of course, but encouraging violence is just a no-go in this situation. It's a breakup.
What would hurting her do? Blowing this way out of proportion.

i think you are right...

 

[_Alfarooq_]

Was she? She flirted, he didn't like it, he broke up, she was fine with it. It must hurt of course, but encouraging violence is just a no-go in this situation. It's a breakup.
What would hurting her do? Blowing this way out of proportion.

You might be right, but he would still have something to gain. Which is the mental pleasure of revenge for her stupidity. He can hurt her as much as he wants, without worrying what will happen next because he is already planning to CTB.

i cant hurt her.. I love her too much

Then in that case, If you still love her after what she done, this means that what you think she did wasn't bad at all. You shouldn't have broken up. I don't know how on earth you would still love someone after they cheated? I personally would run a mile.

 

[fwompie]

You might be right, but he would still have something to gain. Which is the mental pleasure of revenge for her stupidity. He can hurt her as much as he wants, without worrying what will happen next because he is already planning to CTB.

Then in that case, If you still love her after what she done, this means that what you think she did wasn't bad at all. You shouldn't have broken up. I don't know how on earth you would still love someone after they cheated? I personally would run a mile.

Revenge is not pleasuring ever. It would just make her hate him, she still loves him. It's a messed up mentality.

 

[Al Gul]

i just want to hurt someone aswell idk i feel so useless

Fully understandable, it really, really sucks. And for what it's worth, you have my sympathies. It's alright to feel powerless, and it's alright to wallow in your despair for a bit. I don't see any shame in it, hell, you're venting for a reason. Lashing out can be cathartic, but it doesn't solve the root cause. Wouldn't judge you either way.

 

[MMG]

Then in that case, If you still love her after what she done, this means that what you think she did wasn't bad at all. You shouldn't have broken up. I don't know how on earth you would still love someone after they cheated? I personally would run a mile.

I hate her. I love her. I dont know what im thinking. Before I met her I was a mess. I was on multiple anti-depressants and none of those worked for me. After I met her i didnt take those pills anymore and it just made me happy (because i found someone who loves me). Im thinking about how she made me happy. Me loving her is more of me loving the memory i had of her, before she did what she did.

Revenge is not pleasuring ever. It would just make her hate him, she still loves him. It's a messed up mentality.

I cant hurt her anyways. I have always gotten revenge when people hurt me in the past. Sometimes I even crossed the line which Im not going to talk about right now. I dont want to cross that line again.

 

[_Alfarooq_]

Revenge is not pleasuring ever. It would just make her hate him, she still loves him. It's a messed up mentality.

If she "loves" him then she wouldn't have done this. Since she flirted, she knew that it was worth the potential sacrifice of her current relationship and didn't care that it would possibly end, and she decided to flirt with another person anyway. And for further proof that she hates him, she didn't simp for him back. Instead she was happy with the break up and also gave up on him!

I hate her. I love her. I dont know what im thinking. Before I met her I was a mess. I was on multiple anti-depressants and none of those worked for me. After I met her i didnt take those pills anymore and it just made me happy (because i found someone who loves me). Im thinking about how she made me happy. Me loving her is more of me loving the memory i had of her, before she did what she did.

I cant hurt her anyways. I have always gotten revenge when people hurt me in the past. Sometimes I even crossed the line which Im not going to talk about right now. I dont want to cross that line again.

Yes, before she did what she did. Now from what I understand here is that she was making you happy first, and then she got bored and wanted some fun in her life, not some depressed person complaining to her all the time. Since this is what she is thinking, she is the worst cheater ever, because she should have rejected you from the get go instead of manipulating you for all these months,

 

[fwompie]

If she "loves" him then she wouldn't have done this. Since she flirted, she knew that it was worth the potential sacrifice of her current relationship and didn't care that it would possibly end, and she decided to flirt with another person anyway. And for further proof that she hates him, she didn't simp for him back. Instead she was happy with the break up and also gave up on him!

Yes, before she did what she did. Now from what I understand here is that she was making you happy first, and then she got bored and wanted some fun in her life, not some depressed person complaining to her all the time. Since this is what she is thinking, she is the worst cheater ever, because she should have rejected you from the get go instead of manipulating you for all these months,

Flirting can be harmless, at least they could've just talked it out. You can still love some and do some flirting. You don't have to hate someone to be fine with a breakup. Seems you have a very warped and extreme outlook on women. You're exaggerating a lot.

 

[_Alfarooq_]

Flirting can be harmless, at least they could've just talked it out. You can still love some and do some flirting. You don't have to hate someone to be fine with a breakup. Seems you have a very warped and extreme outlook on women. You're exaggerating a lot.

Yes, I hate women a lot. They are my enemies, especially the ones in this area. They are bitches. I am always offended by either them, or members of their family. I was accused of being horny and called a creepy bastard multiple time without even intending to. They are right, right? Don't you agree? Which adds another reason to the list why I am not compatible for living in this world. This world isn't for me at all. Where is my CTB pills?

 

[fwompie]

Yes, I hate women a lot. They are my enemies, especially the ones in this area. They are bitches. I am always offended by either them, or members of their family. I was accused of being horny and called a creepy bastard multiple time without even intending to. They are right, right? Don't you agree? Which adds another reason to the list why I am not compatible for living in this world. This world isn't for me at all. Where is my CTB pills?

Alright goodbye, no use in trying to have a conversation with a violent incel. @MMG would recommend not listening to anything this guy says, he's not in reality.

 

[MMG]

Alright goodbye, no use in trying to have a conversation with a violent incel. @MMG would recommend not listening to anything this guy says, he's not in reality.

I see his point. I dont agree completely. Not all women are like this. At least I hope so. The people in this world are simply fucked up. There are way more bad then good people sadly. This wont change. People hurt each other and make each other be worse people. My ex was always talking about how shit her exs threated her and what they did to her, and I guess she kind of learned from them and became like them over time. People (not only females) will become worse over time. Everyone is shit to each other.

If she "loves" him then she wouldn't have done this. Since she flirted, she knew that it was worth the potential sacrifice of her current relationship and didn't care that it would possibly end, and she decided to flirt with another person anyway. And for further proof that she hates him, she didn't simp for him back. Instead she was happy with the break up and also gave up on him!

Yes, before she did what she did. Now from what I understand here is that she was making you happy first, and then she got bored and wanted some fun in her life, not some depressed person complaining to her all the time. Since this is what she is thinking, she is the worst cheater ever, because she should have rejected you from the get go instead of manipulating you for all these months,

I kind of agree with this. She doesnt love me. She shouldnt have asked me out as of how boring and depressing of a person I am.

 

[_Alfarooq_]

Alright goodbye, no use in trying to have a conversation with a violent incel. @MMG would recommend not listening to anything this guy says, he's not in reality.

Yes, your right. This is literally the reason why I am going to CTB. I am a "violent incel" (What does that even mean?) and I am defiantly not in reality and soon will not be, because I am going to be dead. You can literally read my profile picture for details of who I am. And they are bitches, no denying that.

 

[SexyIncél]

Hoo boy. A real armpit of a situation — but with luck, it may be salvageable!

For one thing, while I have evidence that revenge can be appropriate & exquisitely healing, this doesn't sound like one of those situations. Dunno how you can drop it for now, but it sounds like a self-destructive luxury

Sounds to me: you need a supply of women's adoration as an anti-depression drug. Thus the strategy is to:

1. obtain sufficient supply, so you don't go cocoa-puffs when you lose a source
2. when you have it, use the energy boost to improve your situation as much as possible — level up skillz, get friends, obtain more supply

Sane narcissists do this with narcissistic supply. And smart employers build relationships with potential employees, even when a position's filled

Now you're in a shitty situation — deprived of your drug, everything's far harder. Regardless, these may be ideal actions:

1. Act conspicuously out of character in the small chance you can salvage the relationship. ("She keeps saying she does love me".) While tbh people rarely change that much, it may suffice to show a seriously I'm-not-fucking-around trajectory of change. Imagine yourself externally; what effective steps would (smart) people want to see you take?
2. Finding more adoration-supply. Of course, finding it's tricky without friends/family. And Germany may suck for it. So you currently have low bargaining power, and must build it
3. Going to wherever loyal friends & family are there to assist you with the above

To win her back, you gotta defeat potential suitors. She solved your depression for a year. That counts for something

btw, it's actually difficult to maintain an enduring romantic relationship. Rigged game. I currently agree with Andrew Huberman:

As a mutual friend of ours said to me, "You know, listen, when it comes to romantic relationships, if it's not a hundred percent in you, it ain't happening."

And I've never seen a violation of that statement where it's like, yeah, it's mostly good and they're this and this, like the negotiations. Well, already — it's doomed.

And that doesn't mean someone has to be perfect, that the relationship has to be perfect. But it's gotta feel a hundred percent inside.

— Andrew Huberman on Lex Fridman's Podcast #393

 

[chop]

From what you said about how much you cared about her and still want to love her even after she did this and has shown no cares for you back, you truly do deserve better as she doesn't deserve someone as good as you, You've done nothing wrong in this situation you are a good person and you deserve better, keep your head up and don't give up, I wish you the best and only the best.