Broke no contact and got ghosted

[miles-away]

We ended things amicably, sort of. It was a dying, long distance relationship and he ended it almost 3 weeks ago. It sort of blindsided me but not really. He told me we have no plan, he doesn't want to do long distance anymore and that he can't wait around on me or anyone. Also told me that he still liked me but felt like he was wasting my time.

There was sort of talk of us being friends in the future. I did tell him I would like to talk to him again one day. I also asked him not to ghost me if I did and just straight up tell me to not contact him or whatever. He told me he wouldn't ghost or block me and he never has in the past.

Broke no contact just to say GTA got delayed again. I didnt miss the romantic relationship as much as i did miss the friendship we had. I was hoping we could be friends. Got left on delivered.

Maybe there is no such thing as being friends with your exs. Maybe his breakup reason was bullshit and he just wanted me out of his life. Idk.

 

[Dejected 55]

Most people don't like to tell you the truth. Whether it is about you or them, it's just true. Most people also don't want to hear the truth, not all of it anyway.

I value honesty. I want honesty even when it hurts. As long as it is honest and not cruelty for the sake of cruelty. I wish people would say goodbye or tell me they don't want to talk to me instead of disappearing. When they disappear you never know if it was on purpose or by accident. Maybe something happened and you should reach out? Maybe you should never reach out again? You never know.

Rejection is painful. Being ignored is worse.

I'm finding I get ignored now more than rejected. I used to think rejection was bad. Being ignored is so much worse. I learn nothing, a part of me always wonders. But I'm trying to adopt something new. Even if someone tells me I can contact them, or gives me their number... if I contact them and receive no reply, I might follow up after a few days... but after that, I just give up. I have to assume they don't really want to talk to me or they would find the time to do it, and hurt or no, I have to try and stop looking for their replies or trying to think of some new way to reach out that I hope gets some acknowledgement. Nothing I ever say or do makes a difference once someone stops responding, whatever the reason.

If I find some way to dig out of my hole and try to continue existence in this world... I just want to find a job and pay the bills and not stir the pot. I don't want to be friends at work, just work in a friendly manner. No gossip or chit chat and no personal conversations. I just want to put in my time, collect my paycheck, and go home without conflict or teases of anything that will never manifest.

If I find a way to continue... I have to accept continuing alone, and however much that continues to hurt... I've learned that trying for more, looking for more, hoping for more, tears me apart in ways that I cannot handle.