PremiseRunner2049
Member
- Dec 27, 2023
- 9
Definitely intend on posting/commenting more. I really love this community so far and have wondered where it has been all these years.
However, there is just so fucking much to unpack about what is wrong and at the moment I lack the blood sugar and brain cells to process anything other than breathing and staying hydrated.
In summary, I spent the last year trying to seek psychiatric care. I have been to 3 hospitals and have come out of all of them slightly worse than the last. The last one I was at managed to set me up with a case manager who's supposed to help me with disability services and public assistance. I wound up getting stood up at the psych evaluation and ignored for a month before receiving a call from Disability services telling me to go to an employment class. So pretty much.. they refused to evaluate me, but really wanted to push me to find work (even though I have been to 3 hospitals as a result of my condition that has caused me to continuously lose employment. Gen anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, and ADHD)
What do ya know? I actually did it. It even turned out to be the FIRST job I enjoyed and didn't feel suicidal going to. However, all good things come to an end when you cannot pay enough attention, have constant panic attacks, and get triggered by the smell of isopropyl alcohol, causing you to zone out and break the part you are working on (boss had to take away my hand tool privileges, aka most of the job). Was fired after 3 months.
Became homeless and single about a month later.
I am no longer homeless and live in supportive housing which is honestly so dope for me right now.
My only issue is what the fuck am I supposed to do for a living when I can't function and I can't get the states help? Im still waiting with my case manager to get proper psychiatric care. I cannot be on the clock anywhere without feeling severe anxiety, depression, and then eventually insanely suicidal. I have exhausted all my coping skills and the only way to keep myself stable is to stop working entirely. I was not always like this, but as time goes on it gets worse and worse. My brain now runs off fumes and I have lost tons of (much needed) weight. I am hungry, symptomatic as fuck, and can barely remember basic things throughout the day. The only soup kitchen near me has been closed for a min and I don't even have money or energy to travel.
Do I fuck up more jobs or do I just go fuck myself and die??
I am so fucking hungry.
However, there is just so fucking much to unpack about what is wrong and at the moment I lack the blood sugar and brain cells to process anything other than breathing and staying hydrated.
In summary, I spent the last year trying to seek psychiatric care. I have been to 3 hospitals and have come out of all of them slightly worse than the last. The last one I was at managed to set me up with a case manager who's supposed to help me with disability services and public assistance. I wound up getting stood up at the psych evaluation and ignored for a month before receiving a call from Disability services telling me to go to an employment class. So pretty much.. they refused to evaluate me, but really wanted to push me to find work (even though I have been to 3 hospitals as a result of my condition that has caused me to continuously lose employment. Gen anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, and ADHD)
What do ya know? I actually did it. It even turned out to be the FIRST job I enjoyed and didn't feel suicidal going to. However, all good things come to an end when you cannot pay enough attention, have constant panic attacks, and get triggered by the smell of isopropyl alcohol, causing you to zone out and break the part you are working on (boss had to take away my hand tool privileges, aka most of the job). Was fired after 3 months.
Became homeless and single about a month later.
I am no longer homeless and live in supportive housing which is honestly so dope for me right now.
My only issue is what the fuck am I supposed to do for a living when I can't function and I can't get the states help? Im still waiting with my case manager to get proper psychiatric care. I cannot be on the clock anywhere without feeling severe anxiety, depression, and then eventually insanely suicidal. I have exhausted all my coping skills and the only way to keep myself stable is to stop working entirely. I was not always like this, but as time goes on it gets worse and worse. My brain now runs off fumes and I have lost tons of (much needed) weight. I am hungry, symptomatic as fuck, and can barely remember basic things throughout the day. The only soup kitchen near me has been closed for a min and I don't even have money or energy to travel.
Do I fuck up more jobs or do I just go fuck myself and die??
I am so fucking hungry.
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