Brief update on my situation

[Zzzzz]

Was going to be homeless but certain relatives offered housing with them temporarily. Have a decent enough relationship with them. Not amazing...but okay....still....Every day... All I think about Is death.... cannot take it.... I am almost at the point where I will choose to be homeless.... because it should bring me closer to ctb. Theres nothing else for me to do. There's nothing else I want... I will never be happy in this world. I certainly will never be happy living with other people.... it's like mental torture..... Of course SI is incredibly strong with me, which is why I haven't done it for many years although I really wanted to, I lived on the streets for at least 1.5 years. Life is an unbearable burden and nightmare to me

 

[Rayzieka]

I hope you find a way to make it. Maybe living with them for a short time won't be so bad.
If you have the energy you could always try to find a way to better your situation. I'm not sure about the support where you live but if you're having struggled due to a disability you could apply for help. If not then section 8 housing and a job might be out there.
In the end it is truly unfortunate the majority can't have the best lives but we can keep going if we need.
I hope you find what's right for you regardless of what you choose in the end.

 

[Zzzzz]

I hope you find a way to make it. Maybe living with them for a short time won't be so bad.
If you have the energy you could always try to find a way to better your situation. I'm not sure about the support where you live but if you're having struggled due to a disability you could apply for help. If not then section 8 housing and a job might be out there.
In the end it is truly unfortunate the majority can't have the best lives but we can keep going if we need.
I hope you find what's right for you regardless of what you choose in the end.

Thank you. I have tried section 8 and disability income last few years...both endeavors failed. I don't have the strength to keep fighting to survive.

 

[miserableforever]

Thank you. I have tried section 8 and disability income last few years...both endeavors failed. I don't have the strength to keep fighting to survive.

Try again for disability. I heard it normal to be rejected a few times before they accept you. And while you wait, apply for some help along the way. Ofc it's up to you..

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Man you are so strong. I can't even imagine being able to survive living on the streets for 1.5 years. I grew up super sheltered, I would not last long.

I think you can only take it day by day. There is no rush. No reason to worry about the future. Just take care of yourself in the meantime.

 

[Circles]

Thank you. I have tried section 8 and disability income last few years...both endeavors failed. I don't have the strength to keep fighting to survive.

You've done that for 3 years and they still turned you down? Holy fuck. Have they ever gave a reason why? If I may ask do you have any mental health issues? Obviously you have depression. I got mine somewhat fast relative to yours due to do that I have depression and aspergers. Unless you live in a country that only gives out disability due to physical disability. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

[Zzzzz]

Man you are so strong. I can't even imagine being able to survive living on the streets for 1.5 years. I grew up super sheltered, I would not last long.

I think you can only take it day by day. There is no rush. No reason to worry about the future. Just take care of yourself in the meantime.

Thank you. I truly feel that my life has been a tragedy. Was there any good at all? Very little yes, but overall a shitty life I feel. I was homeless because of my depression. I was/am so depressed that I simply cannot function like most people. Every moment is a battle against an overwhelming misery that nothing seems to help relieve. I simply cannot hold a job. No will to keep going. To me, there's no reason to care since I'm always unhappy. No reason at all.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Thank you. I truly feel that my life has been a tragedy. I was homeless because of my depression. I was/am so depressed that I simply cannot function like most people. Every moment is a battle against an overwhelming misery that nothing seems to help relieve. I simply cannot hold a job. No will to keep going. To me, there's no reason to care since I'm always unhappy. No reason at all.

Yeah man I am actually in the same spot myself. I think there are levels to this. Some are closer to the grave than others. I just hope I can do it when the right moment comes. I already managed to botch a good opportunity to die. Those opportunities don't come that often.

 

[Zzzzz]

You've done that for 3 years and they still turned you down? Holy fuck. Have they ever gave a reason why? If I may ask do you have any mental health issues? Obviously you have depression. I got mine somewhat fast relative to yours due to do that I have depression and aspergers. Unless you live in a country that only gives out disability due to physical disability. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I live in usa.pardon me What I was trying to say is I did it years ago, not that I have been working on both for years. Disability rejected me because they did not believe my depression was severe enough. And they said I "was too young to be disabled." It was a crock of BS of course. Just an excuse. I told them I was suicidal. That didn't sway them either. now I don't care anymore about getting it. I have no will at all to even try.

Try again for disability. I heard it normal to be rejected a few times before they accept you. And while you wait, apply for some help along the way. Ofc it's up to you..

Thank you. As I mentioned in my original comment, there is nothing more I want out of life and have no hope in it at all. I don't want to get disability now or section 8. I only want the permanent solution and what I know is by far the kindest most compassionate thing that could happen to me....death.the end of all my suffering and worry.

Yeah man I am actually in the same spot myself. I think there are levels to this. Some are closer to the grave than others. I just hope I can do it when the right moment comes. I already managed to botch a good opportunity to die. Those opportunities don't come that often.

Do you feel close to the grave? I feel there have been perhaps opportunities for ctb in the past I did not take advantage of. I regret it.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Do you feel close to the grave? I feel there have been perhaps opportunities for ctb in the past I did not take advantage of. I regret it.

Yeah my last failed attempt was the closest I've been to successfully dying. Now that I know it can be done it is actually harder to make another attempt. Maybe the trick is to not overthink it and just do it. Easier said than done.

Man I regret not ctb years ago when I first started having suicidal thoughts. I kept pushing it off thinking I had plenty of time. But I realized to even make an attempt a lot of different things have to go right. There is no guarantee you will even make another attempt in the future. That is the scariest part.

 

[Zzzzz]

Yeah my last failed attempt was the closest I've been to successfully dying. Now that I know it can be done it is actually harder to make another attempt. Maybe the trick is to not overthink it and just do it. Easier said than done.

Man I regret not ctb years ago when I first started having suicidal thoughts. I kept pushing it off thinking I had plenty of time. But I realized to even make an attempt a lot of different things have to go right. There is no guarantee you will even make another attempt in the future. That is the scariest part.

Yeah I feel similar. It seems the planets have to align in order for ctb to happen.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is horrible being alive. It is understandable wanting to exit this life when you are constantly suffering. Of course the survival instinct is frustrating as even know we want to die we are programmed to survive. I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.