Brain damage

[HelpPlease]

I'm in a horrible horrible position. I have managed to give myself brain damage through meds and bring a child into this world. My poor parents are having to fill in for me with her. I have no choice but die then it's gonna destroy everyone especially the child and they will be left to pick up all the pieces with her she will be scared for life . What have I done what have I done what have I done

 

[lastNamePicked]

that last phrase makes your post seem sarcastic. i will be perfectly honest with you: YES, SHAME ON YOU. That is exactly the kind of shit that ruines people and makes them reach the mental state most people on here are in.

 

[HelpPlease]

Well it was a mistake. I didn't know at that time I would lose my mind either. Yes I am a horrible horrible horrible person but im also very very very very sick. I'm so sorry more than I can say

 

[First loss]

All I can say is poor child to be honest. Is it a newborn or how old is he/she?

 

[overandout]

that last phrase makes your post seem sarcastic. i will be perfectly honest with you: YES, SHAME ON YOU. That is exactly the kind of shit that ruines people and makes them reach the mental state most people on here are in.

I don't understand, do you mean shame on you because he has a child and wants to die? There are plenty of other people that are in a similar situation.

 

[sillyusername69]

Realistically you could give up your rights as a parent and sign them over entirely to your parents.
I wish I had given my first child to a foster family but I now have an obligation to stick around until my children are adults. If your child is young (newborn-2years old) they probably won't remember you as their mother. My child's father left when his kid was 2 years old and the kid didn't remember his dad at all. When they met again he didn't trust him and had to be re-introduced.
So you have a choice to give full custody/give up your parental rights to your parents. Or, if they are unable to do so/unwilling to take on that full responsibility you can give your child to a family willing to adopt them. If the child is still a baby that will be extremely easy since so many families/parents are looking for newborns/babies rather than a child who has already had "parents" so to speak.

 

[PatKat]

:( <3 I do not know what to say I have never even thought about this situation. I hope someone in this situation here will respond. I am sorry I just do not know what else to say.

 

[spanishguy22]

that last phrase makes your post seem sarcastic. i will be perfectly honest with you: YES, SHAME ON YOU. That is exactly the kind of shit that ruines people and makes them reach the mental state most people on here are in.

He wasn't like this when he had the child. Don't be so quick to insult without knowing the facts ok?..

 

[LonelyLight]

I'm a bit confused by this post so I can't give a proper response with advice or answers. You seem to have so much going on it's all on top of you. Haven't we all made mistakes? Some more terrible than others but I won't judge you or anyone for them. Wishing you a clear and calm state of mind. Hugs to you.

 

[sillyusername69]

A lot of parents feel suicidal and decide to CTB. It's really not uncommon at all. That is their own choice and it all depends on their situation. Death is traumatic to families but there are definitely ways to lessen the blow. Make sure you aren't found by the child, make it look like an "accident", do it in a remote deserted place where you won't be found for quite a long time. Parents shouldn't be made to feel guilty for choosing the CTB. I'm not encouraging it but it hardly helps at all to tell them "shame on you"

 

[Scribble Fan]

My only advice is to forgive yourself of any mistakes made (we all mess up) before you ctb so at least you can pass more peacefully.

 

[lastNamePicked]

He wasn't like this when he had the child. Don't be so quick to insult without knowing the facts ok?..

IT DOESN'T MATTER at all. It is absolutely irresponsible. It's funny how all you can do is pity the poster as if that was the right thing to do independent from the given circumstances. Like I said: this kind of irresponsible behaviour has devastating effects on people which leads them to destabilise later on. This forum represents exactly that. No: showing pity is not always the right thing to do, don't play the hero.

 

[Strumgewehr]

A lot of parents feel suicidal and decide to CTB. It's really not uncommon at all. That is their own choice and it all depends on their situation. Death is traumatic to families but there are definitely ways to lessen the blow. Make sure you aren't found by the child, make it look like an "accident", do it in a remote deserted place where you won't be found for quite a long time. Parents shouldn't be made to feel guilty for choosing the CTB. I'm not encouraging it but it hardly helps at all to tell them "shame on you"

There is this thing called duty towards your children and when you volunterily bring a child to this shithole you sign up to those responsibilities. You shouldn't be gambling on other's dime if you can't pay it back.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

I think the @HelpPlease is already aware of his "failures and shortcomings" as a parent based on his post. He doesnt need you to kick him while he's already down. Discussing loving options to ensure his child is cared for is the most helpful thing to do. Once that's settled he can focus on himself.

Kicking dirt on the parent is like kicking dirt on the child too since he is the caregiver. It would seem more supportive to get him focused on the appropriate next steps to put his child in a safe situation.

 

[sillyusername69]

I think the @HelpPlease is already aware of his "failures and shortcomings" as a parent based on his post. He doesnt need you to kick him while he's already down. Discussing loving options to ensure his child is cared for is the most helpful thing to do. Once that's settled he can focus on himself.

Kicking dirt on the parent is like kicking dirt on the child too since he is the caregiver. It would seem more supportive to get him focused on the appropriate next steps to put his child in a safe situation.

Exactly. There are options to make sure the child is adopted and in safe hands. If a parent feels unable to be a parent, they shouldn't be guilted into living their life endlessly just because they have children. It would probably do more damage to have a chronically depressed and absent parent that's suicidal endlessly (especially if the kid is just a baby!)
Adoption/signing over rights are some choices, and when everything is settled you won't have to worry anymore about being a parent.

 

[deathenvoy]

How did you damaged your brain through meds and what kind of damage it is?

 

[jrums]

I have some brain damage from antidepressants specifically. If the damage you have is anything like mine then you can't be a good parent anyway. Make the proper arrangements, try and make it the least traumatic you can for your child and family, and do what you have to do. Hopefully your child will one day understand that it was brain damage that made you do it and not because you didn't love them. You are really no longer you.

 

[1234dave]

I'm damaged by anti depressants too. It wasn't your fault, they didn't warn us of the damage they cause. None of it is your fault. We didn't get the right advice.

It's all starting to come out about how dangerous these drugs are and how much damage they cause. People will soon realise

 

[HelpPlease]

I am barely able to function at all. Yes I fucked up in the biggest way possible. Yes I am a horrible person. We all know how babies are made but it wasn't like that it was unplanned and protection was very rarely not used still I was not as responsible as I should have been obviously. But also I was nowhere near this sick when that happened!!! Not even close!!!! In fact I was a great dad fir the first few years now I am housebound and brain damaged. Just awful. I am screaming nonstop at the thought of what's happening. I didn't choose to be an addict- get this sick- psych drugs- I am brain damaged severely!!!! Like extremely bad bad bad bad. Akathisia / tardive dyskenesia! No one can understand I am being tortured non stop

 

[Shamana]

I am barely able to function at all. Yes I fucked up in the biggest way possible. Yes I am a horrible person. We all know how babies are made but it wasn't like that it was unplanned and protection was very rarely not used still I was not as responsible as I should have been obviously. But also I was nowhere near this sick when that happened!!! Not even close!!!! In fact I was a great dad fir the first few years now I am housebound and brain damaged. Just awful. I am screaming nonstop at the thought of what's happening. I didn't choose to be an addict- get this sick- psych drugs- I am brain damaged severely!!!! Like extremely bad bad bad bad. Akathisia / tardive dyskenesia! No one can understand I am being tortured non stop

I don't think you needs anyones permission here to make the choices you want to make, but obviously since you have a young child it's gamechanger in the ethics of suicide. Obviously the best course of action would be whichever way to get relief, but I understand that may be neight impossible. How did you get brain damaged? What drugs/meds and how?

 

[HelpPlease]

Psych meds. Been on lots. Antidepressants made me irresponsible. Idk wtf is going on anymore tbh I am barely here
I was also a drug addict. Yes I am a horrible person

 

[Shamana]

Psych meds. Been on lots. Antidepressants made me irresponsible. Idk wtf is going on anymore tbh I am barely here
I was also a drug addict. Yes I am a horrible person

I honestly don't think you're a horrible person. I feel brain damaged by psyc meds too and also feel I have damaged myself by drug use(mainly Mdma). There is millions of people in the world who have been damaged drug use, illegal or legal. They are not all horrible people either.

 

[HelpPlease]

Well what I have done to my family makes me a horrible person but I got very sick mentally very very sick I am brain damaged bad. The meds affected my behavior way back then and altered my course. Maybe I was vulnerable idk what happened exactly but I'm so incredibly guilt ridden Bc now my head has been fried and I'm gonna die

 

[Shamana]

Well what I have done to my family makes me a horrible person but I got very sick mentally very very sick I am brain damaged bad. The meds affected my behavior way back then and altered my course. Maybe I was vulnerable idk what happened exactly but I'm so incredibly guilt ridden Bc now my head has been fried and I'm gonna die

If you were such a horrible person, you wouldn't feel so much guilt. I don't know the general story of everyone here, but I'd wager quite a lot have fucked up badly one way or another.

 

[famblycat]

Well what I have done to my family makes me a horrible person but I got very sick mentally very very sick I am brain damaged bad. The meds affected my behavior way back then and altered my course. Maybe I was vulnerable idk what happened exactly but I'm so incredibly guilt ridden Bc now my head has been fried and I'm gonna die

First, I don't judge you. Like others said, it's a much more complicated decision when having a kid, but to say one who ctb as a parent is shit, and not knowing his circumstances is asking for others to judge you for your suicide, saying it's selfish or what not. A parent can go through awful trauma and fall into a mental terror, it doesn't matter if it happened before or after, just that he has more responsibility to consider.

@HelpPlease , I wish you could take a notch down, telling yourself how brain damaged you are. It doesn't help and only feeds the pressure and anxiety. How long has it been since it happened? maybe effects will balance later on. I cannot know what you're going through, but maybe, maybe the problem that caused you to take antidepressants - i'm guessing, depression/anxiety, is also the root for you seeing some problems and changes as much worse than they are, seeing it as a permanent unchangeable situation when it might be temporary negative effect, or not temporary but not as awful game changer as it seems now (just maybe).

Again, i cannot know, and not in place to tell you you're wrong about it, trying to offer some other perspective, to keep in mind these awful beliefs that everything's ruined and you're in a mess you can't fix can also be a symptom of depression (i know that from myself too).

All together, having the pressure to be a parent together with being depressed and with the negative effects of the pills you took maybe blows things out of their real magnitude? You have your parents to help, that's good, i hope you can get help, and if it's too much and you can't do it i wont judge, but I strongly recommend not making this choice when you're so emotional and "hysteric" (not to say without justification, and please don't take it wrong way like an insult, but you're clearly in hysteria about your condition no?). Making the choice to end your life is your right, i think it's better be done when thinking clear, calm as you can be, as you're aware of the consequences that might be for others, so whether you do it or not, if you can find a way to forgive yourself, breath, and know that children mostly need a loving parent, regardless of how functional he is, and maybe things might get better when levels of anxiety lower down.

You're not an awful person. Like others said, an awful person doesn't care and has no guilt, you're obviously suffering a lot.

Hope you can talk to someone, preferably in real life. I'm so close to ctb and know i must, so don't see me as an optimist having a pink view on things. Certainly it's always easier being optimistic for others and having a broader perspective, so forgive me if I hope things are not as ruined beyond any repair as you see it now. Just hope, not saying it's not.