Help BPD traits

[bluupup]

I have bpd traits as said by my psychiatrist, and I think I'm having a BPD shutdown. I'm so fucking tired, and I just cant make sense of anything, Im dissociating terribly as well. I don't know what to do.

 

[Kokonoe]

bpd is awful. i got diagnosed a few months ago myself, altho i don't rly know if it was an official diagnosis or not, but like my psych and my therapist both screened me for it separately without telling me and i said "yes" to every question they asked me, so, that's pretty damning, lol.
but i get it. i can't make sense of it ever either. as someone who also has did, i now constantly can't tell if i feel a certain way bc of another alter or because of bpd. it just makes everything confusing and it sucks. and it makes life so difficult and miserable. i don't know what to do about it either really. DBT is the main form of treatment and it was created to specifically treat bpd, too. it can be helpful, so i reccomend looking into it if you're not familiar with it, and i would be happy to at least share what i know about that stuff if you want. for me it's been sorta helpful, but i haven't found it to be enough. not wanting to live with bpd is still one of the reasons i want to ctb.

 

[DelicateLupus]

I totally understand you two. Also was diagnosed just a few months ago, and it explains so goddamn much. I can't take it. I feel like poison to everyone around me. I just wanna die even if I know it'd probably hurt people because I know one day I am probably gonna split and hurt them anyway. At least this way I don't need to be constantly coping with my feelings all the time. There's someone I love so much and sometimes when he won't talk to me or anything I just hate him. A little earlier I was being kinda cold because I was mad at him for not talking to me, and now I'm freaking out cause he is not talking to me. Why would I do that? Do we just have evil person disease? I wanna figure out this B&M SN puzzle so I can die already.

BTW, Love Blazblue and Kokonoe lol

 

[Kokonoe]

I totally understand you two. Also was diagnosed just a few months ago, and it explains so goddamn much. I can't take it. I feel like poison to everyone around me. I just wanna die even if I know it'd probably hurt people because I know one day I am probably gonna split and hurt them anyway. At least this way I don't need to be constantly coping with my feelings all the time. There's someone I love so much and sometimes when he won't talk to me or anything I just hate him. A little earlier I was being kinda cold because I was mad at him for not talking to me, and now I'm freaking out cause he is not talking to me. Why would I do that? Do we just have evil person disease? I wanna figure out this B&M SN puzzle so I can die already.

BTW, Love Blazblue and Kokonoe lol

i totally get how you feel. i also feel like poison to people around me. split on my only friend and she feels like she's done something wrong and is really upset and feels bad about herself over it and i tell her she didn't do anything and it's just that i suck and getting told that no i don't suck and etc etc etc just feels so wrong. like it is fully on me. my brain just doesn't function normally. i get upset over normal things i shouldn't get upset about (she mentioned other friends and asked if they could join us, extremely normal interaction, i still get terrified and want to detach entirely and don't want to interact with her at all, and feel forced to be the one to remove myself from the situation, and feel terrible that i have to give up spending time with her so other people can instead, but feel too worthless to even think i deserve to be around) i hate that those are the sort of reactions i have because i am 100% the person at fault and i am the problem for getting hurt by things that shouldn't hurt me, but i can't just tank the emotions and do nothing because it hurts so badly it's unbearable. and this sort of thing is just my daily life on some level. it ruins all chances at any sort of human connection in my life and condemns me to isolation. bpd is a curse.

and i don't know if i'd say we have "evil person disease". we're not evil, having bpd isn't a choice and it isn't a moral failing or anything like that to have it. i do feel like on some level though i have to acknowledge that it is a disorder that makes people with it hurt everyone around them. that is just a truth on some level i feel and it's so deeply upsetting, i'm sorry. we can learn to cope on some levels but the people around us are still going to have to be ok with getting hurt and working around our disorder. it's miserable for everyone involved.

also, rocks to see another blazblue and kokonoe enjoyer :)
i love the series a lot, have since HS, and koko is one of my long time comfort characters lol. i've been collecting blazblue merch and stuffs like that for just as long, too. did you see the new character they're adding to cf? i'm hyped to see the game and series get revived, even if just a little.
so yeah anyways hop on cf bestie :3

 

[creirwy]

Hey I've also got bpd.
I fully relate to what you guys have said before, it sucks.
Honestly I've started to feel so numb lately. The person I love is about to leave me because I can't handle my mental illness anymore. The mood swings have been insane for the past couple months and it shifted into just emptiness.
I feel like I don't deserve the people in my life or to be happy at all, I feel like I'll never be able to change for them or at the same time feel truly understood. Everything I went through was highly irrational and random, there's been no way to predict how I'd feel in the next half an hour because the slightest inconvenience caused me to shift from feeling fine to feeling like an absolute disaster.
And now it's just nothing. I can't sleep, I can't eat and my mind is just numb.
How can I not feel like an alien in between everyone all the time? How can I be a better person?
I'm so alone.

 

[fadedghost]

I have bpd traits as said by my psychiatrist, and I think I'm having a BPD shutdown. I'm so fucking tired, and I just cant make sense of anything, Im dissociating terribly as well. I don't know what to do.

have you tried dialectical behavioral therapy?

 

[bluupup]

have you tried dialectical behavioral therapy?

I have tried it actually, I've been with 2 DBT therapists since I was 11.

Hey I've also got bpd.
I fully relate to what you guys have said before, it sucks.
Honestly I've started to feel so numb lately. The person I love is about to leave me because I can't handle my mental illness anymore. The mood swings have been insane for the past couple months and it shifted into just emptiness.
I feel like I don't deserve the people in my life or to be happy at all, I feel like I'll never be able to change for them or at the same time feel truly understood. Everything I went through was highly irrational and random, there's been no way to predict how I'd feel in the next half an hour because the slightest inconvenience caused me to shift from feeling fine to feeling like an absolute disaster.
And now it's just nothing. I can't sleep, I can't eat and my mind is just numb.
How can I not feel like an alien in between everyone all the time? How can I be a better person?
I'm so alone.

you're not alone though, a lot of us have BPD and we share experiences like yours.

 

[fadedghost]

I have tried it actually, I've been with 2 DBT therapists since I was 11.

you're not alone though, a lot of us have BPD and we share experiences like yours.

did you do DBT therapy and the group too where they teach the different DBT skills and use the workbook? do you know the whole dear man give fast thing...

 

[bluupup]

did you do DBT therapy and the group too where they teach the different DBT skills and use the workbook? do you know the whole dear man give fast thing...

oh brother I hated the dear man thing, I did DBT outpatient for 3 months, i guess it helped a little.