Bpd leaves me uncomfortable

[justwanttogo]

This morning i ordered SN from IC, after a moment of panic i wrote them not to send it cause its illegal where i live and then immediately deleted my SS account with the three days reverse option.

Well guys i am back again, didnt even take 12h..

They already sent the package , so i just have to hope that i wont get busted...lol


borderline personality disorder is my diagnosis along with like 5 other things.. im collecting psychiatric diagnoses like pokemon cards rn

my thoughts on CTB are like a rollercoaster and if the SN arrives, i just hope that i will just take it in a strong moment..
nothing to live for afterall..

No friends... no s*x in like three years, might just swallow the goddamn thing

Petty reasons? well its all relative, i could live with no s*x, but to know that i will never have friends for like 60 years coming or something is just excruciating

maybe im to honest, at least some of you will have a mediocre laugh lol

 

[fillthevoid]

It's labeled 'sodium salt' on the package on the outside so doesn't look obviously suspicious if that helps ease your mind at all. It's rubbish it's illegal though - I understand the worry incase they open it up at customs - what country are you from?

I don't think your reasons are petty; Nobody but you understands how you feel and your level of suffering, nobody has the right to make that judgement. Although, if you feel your reasons aren't bad, then you may want to consider how much of it is truely unsalvageable, and how much of it is your mind playing tricks of you at this time in your life. Don't do anything irreversible unless you're absolutely sure, even if there's the smallest bit of doubt. Because there is no going back.

Ps. I have BPD too. I know the magnitude of pain we have to live with. its horrid. I feel you.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so depressing and I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do, and I hope you find relief from your suffering.

 

[justwanttogo]

It's labeled 'sodium salt' on the package on the outside so doesn't look obviously suspicious if that helps ease your mind at all. It's rubbish it's illegal though - I understand the worry incase they open it up at customs - what country are you from?

I don't think your reasons are petty; Nobody but you understands how you feel and your level of suffering, nobody has the right to make that judgement. Although, if you feel your reasons aren't bad, then you may want to consider how much of it is truely unsalvageable, and how much of it is your mind playing tricks of you at this time in your life. Don't do anything irreversible unless you're absolutely sure, even if there's the smallest bit of doubt. Because there is no going back.

Ps. I have BPD too. I know the magnitude of pain we have to live with. its horrid. I feel you.

thank you for your answer! really appreciate it.

yes you are right, before doing anything irreversible, i will consider any alternatives and if my problems might be salvageable
im from germany, thanks for the reassuring.. lets see how it will turn out


im doing dbt rn and it actually kind of helps mitigate the symptoms, but i guess the hyper sensibility wont ever rly go away so i just have to live with that..
i mean i actually kinda appreciate how i am more sensitive to emotions and things that are happening but often times its just all too much..
gotta find the right people as always in life i guess..

have you done some kind of therapy to help soothe the pain?

 

[fillthevoid]

Yeah try not to worry because there's not much you can do now, no point in worry. Just have something ready that you'll say. Maybe say it was a mistake you thought it was just salt, wanted to follow a recipe you were reccomended to cure your own meats and didn't know this particular type the recipe said was illegal (I mean why would you ever think salt would be illegal?). Something like that. Whatever sits right with you. That's all you can do.

I never got DBT no. I did a tiny bit of CBT but it was useless. They wanted me to do a course of CBT first before considering anything else, but I ended up leaving early. I do have some DBT self help books though. I'm really glad to hear DBT is helping you.

The sensitivity is insane isn't it. We feel things so much more. But you're right in that whilst we feel the negative things more we also experience the beauty of life so much more deeply too. The mind of a person with BPD is a lonely place to be though as nobody understands. I wish we lived closer and could be friends.

 

[justwanttogo]

oh yes CBT is so invalidating, thats nothing for me either! at least you tried. dbt therapist are IMO more like to just accept and see your struggle and work with it. but with a book can also achieve alot of peace i think.
im most likely going into a psychward from the university nearby with a schematherapy approach soon. this approach also sounds pretty promising.. but lets see


where are you from? the great thing in germany is that with the general healthcare you dont have to pay all these crazy hospital and treatment bills!

i imagine it in the usa like just another reason to ctb..


yeah youre totally right, its really hard to find anyone whos able to understand all the intense mood swings and how sensitive one can be.. im one of the few borderline males too


but the beauty of life is also real, like there are studys that show people with bpd feel emotions like 7 times more intense... such intense beauty und joy man i cant comprehend it sometimes

<3

 

[fillthevoid]

oh yes CBT is so invalidating, thats nothing for me either! at least you tried. dbt therapist are IMO more like to just accept and see your struggle and work with it. but with a book can also achieve alot of peace i think.
im most likely going into a psychward from the university nearby with a schematherapy approach soon. this approach also sounds pretty promising.. but lets see


where are you from? the great thing in germany is that with the general healthcare you dont have to pay all these crazy hospital and treatment bills!

i imagine it in the usa like just another reason to ctb..


yeah youre totally right, its really hard to find anyone whos able to understand all the intense mood swings and how sensitive one can be.. im one of the few borderline males too


but the beauty of life is also real, like there are studys that show people with bpd feel emotions like 7 times more intense... such intense beauty und joy man i cant comprehend it sometimes

<3

Totally I mean there's actually brain scans that exist that show the parts of the brain that are hyper activated in someone with BPD vs someone without. The difference is crazy! I mean it's not just a mental illness, our brains are actually different, so we can never 'cure' it, just learn to better manage it. But it sucks that it's all on us. There is very little empathy for a person with BPD. We're often painted out to be manipulative, nasassistic, selfish. but it's not true at all. We don't want to hurt anyone, that is not our aim, all we want is to feel loved and feel ok.

Suprisingly, I actually read that BPD is statistically slightly more common in males than females. But for some reason I never see this represented. For example in the media, it is always females. And support groups on Facebook I have been involved in, the majority of members are females. But perhaps males tend to just be more quiet about / deny their struggles?

Like you I'm very lucky with healthcare. I live in the UK where it is also free for citizens. I can't imagine living in the US and having to contend with that. The financial pressure ontop of everything else would finish me off totally.

What is schematherapy? I've never heard of that!