Discussion Boyfriends/Girlfriends

[chlorine]

I was wondering how different people approach a romantic relationship and the power a toxic relationship has on one's mental health. I personally get too attached to fill a sense of void, making the other person often scared or annoyed, and therefore leaving me, or i leave people before anything happens cause i fear an eventual abandonment (usually this happens with friends).
I think having a healthy relationship is my deepest need which I unfortunately will never achieve.
You can write specific examples or talk just in general how you manage relationships.

 

[Kjo]

I feel innately unlovable.
It's been over a year since my last relationship. Every ex cheated on me and attempted suicide or talked about attempting suicide because I wasn't good enough for them...

Perhaps it's me only going after toxic relationships or something. Perhaps I'm doing something wrong. Idk.

 

[Kyrok]

Married for 15 years. I just ignore my wife as I wait things out. I retire in 3 years and will leave the U.S. the day I can.

Far better to ignore than dig a deeper toxic pit.

To anyone in a toxic relationship: walk away asap. If you're married, more complicated, but don't live in perpetual misery if you have a choice.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

I never had a romantic relationship with someone, and I probably will never have. I actively avoided anyone I ever developed a crush on due to fear of rejection. I rarely like people, and if I really like them to the point of having romantic feelings, then they definitely are too much for me.

 

[chlorine]

I feel innately unlovable.
It's been over a year since my last relationship. Every ex cheated on me and attempted suicide or talked about attempting suicide because I wasn't good enough for them...

Perhaps it's me only going after toxic relationships or something. Perhaps I'm doing something wrong. Idk.

sorry to hear that. have they ever explained to you specifically why they thought you weren't good enough?

I never had a romantic relationship with someone, and I probably will never have. I actively avoided anyone I ever developed a crush on due to fear of rejection. I rarely like people, and if I really like them to the point of having romantic feelings, then they definitely are too much for me.

i'm sorry you feel this way, and i don't know your age, but if you're still young maybe you just have to wait for the right person :)

 

[Kjo]

Chlorine, they have. I just can't fix it.

 

[chlorine]

Chlorine, they have. I just can't fix it.

Same here. They keep saying that I don't even try but they just can't understand that some things just can't change because it's who I am, and I get it that they want to leave me for it.

 

[LongTimeComing]

It's funny that this was posted tonight, because I was just messaged by a guy I went on a date with and he was saying how annoying it is to keep trying to date, but it never going anywhere. I feel so bad that he confided in me to express this, when I have intentions of pushing him away; not because of anything he's done, but because I don't think I'll ever be able to invest in a relationship and allow someone to trust me when I know I'm going to ctb. I've been so damaged from my past relationships, I don't want to put anyone through caring about me when I won't be able to return it.

 

[Bärchen]

I never had a girlfriend and i dont think i will ever have one.
At 33 its next to impossible to fix it, i mean nearly every 16 old boy got more experience than me.
Outside are millions of single guys so why should a potential parter choose me and not one of the much better looking guys who can actually talk/flirt.

 

[chlorine]

I never had a girlfriend and i dont think i will ever have one.
At 33 its next to impossible to fix it, i mean nearly every 16 old boy got more experience than me.
Outside are millions of single guys so why should a potential parter choose me and not one of the much better looking guys who can actually talk/flirt.

Who knows.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I was wondering how different people approach a romantic relationship and the power a toxic relationship has on one's mental health. I personally get too attached to fill a sense of void, making the other person often scared or annoyed, and therefore leaving me, or i leave people before anything happens cause i fear an eventual abandonment (usually this happens with friends).
I think having a healthy relationship is my deepest need which I unfortunately will never achieve.
You can write specific examples or talk just in general how you manage relationships.

I am an empty shell of a man. My partner has said she doesn't love me anymore but doesn't want to leave me and I am fine with that.
That doesn't mean I hate or resent her in any way, odd thing to say but it's nothing personal. I don't think that I am capable of love in a romantic sense any way these days.
I hope she can find something better, but I am happy to provide all sorts of emotional and practical support until she can move on and then this frees me up to CTB with impunity.
I know it's f'd up but since I've no interest in living then the least I can do is a little good before shuffling along this mortal coil.
DBD

 

[Slenderman]

I had two "real" boyfriends, the first one I was absolutely crazy about, so in love with him I'd sometimes forget how it was to felt to hate myself. There are no words dude I was so attached, only I know what I've felt. Anyway, I couldn't see it then, but he was a disgusting POS just using me. He dumped me, ME, a boy, the was with for almost 2 years, for a dude he knew for a week.
Then the second relationship was about 8 months I think, I just started feeling really empty and detached from reality, and I felt really guilty cause I didn't feel able to love someone at that point, cause it felt very overwhelming, so I broke up with him.
Then after a while I felt ready to be with someone again but they rejected me because I'm trans, or because they got bored, sometimes they'd just fucking ghost me. I don't even know what the fuck to call those, but NOT relationships man. Felt so stupid cause I was right fucking there ready to give my whole heart to someone (and I knew I could be very committed and genuinely care about someone and all) and literally no one wanted it.
I don't think I could have a healthy relationship either. There's just this jealousy and fear of abandonment.

 

[sad_frog]

I've been in a relationship with a really great guy since I graduated HS (5 years). He has been with me through all the ups and downs. He stayed when I tried to commit suicide and was nearly successful. Called me everyday while I was in the hospital. Was there for me when I was going through electroconvulsive therapy for 3 years and my two transcranial magnetic stimulation sessions. He helped me and my doctor conclude that I have borderline personality disorder. I couldnt have dreamed for a better partner...But I feel him giving up on me. Right now we are spending time apart because I'm having panic attacks I don't want him to deal with. I feel like I'm a burden. I feel so sorry for him, for everyone who has to deal with me. Having a good relationship really helps but I guess I'm trying to say that it doesn't take away the sadness, just covers it up.

 

[Severen]

The world today makes it impossible for most people to have a healthy relationship with a woman or a man. So I've turned my back on relationships. Nothing much to gain and a lot to lose. FYI, the average man spends more time with his female co workers than his girlfriend or wife and the average woman spends more time with her male co workers than her boyfriend or husband... <- FAIL.

 

[not_a_robot]

I don't believe in relationships, I think they are 100% creepy, stupid nonsense.

But I am so deeply envious of couples who suicide together successfully. That in that rare instance, they both seemed to find a partner who understood the pain and stupidity of being alive, and ended it together.

I am an empty shell of a man. My partner has said she doesn't love me anymore but doesn't want to leave me and I am fine with that.
That doesn't mean I hate or resent her in any way, odd thing to say but it's nothing personal. I don't think that I am capable of love in a romantic sense any way these days.
I hope she can find something better, but I am happy to provide all sorts of emotional and practical support until she can move on and then this frees me up to CTB with impunity.
I know it's f'd up but since I've no interest in living then the least I can do is a little good before shuffling along this mortal coil.
DBD

Or you could try poking a hole in a rubber and getting her pregnant.
I bet that would totally make you want to live.
Sorry, kidding. I have a sick sense of humor.

 

[not_a_robot]

Yep, it's the truth, 100% Evolution wants to prevent ugly offspring from being created because humanity can survive and thrive easier if there are more good looking people. Evolution doesn't give a fuck about anything else, really.

Most guys who think they are kept from dating by their looks, are actually kept from dating by their personality.

But I support any philosophy that reduces the human population, so if cute and average guys want to go around claiming they're too ugly to date or to live, that's fine by me.

 

[namelessX8]

i don't know how to love, and I don't know how to be loved.

 

[deltahead]

if i get into a relationship, that'll mean my instincts have won over me and proved once again that i do not actually care for the other person's long-term happiness or stability or anything beyond what my genitals want, which might be how everyone operates. i'd like for that to not happen. i'd rather spare whatever unlucky person ends up with me the inevitable disillusion/trauma/disgust/loss of faith in humanity or themselves that'll come from having me around

 

[not_a_robot]

i don't know how to love, and I don't know how to be loved.

Well I've been watching how humans love and be loved for a long time, and I gotta tellya: I don't really think you're missing out on anything special.

The world today makes it impossible for most people to have a healthy relationship with a woman or a man. So I've turned my back on relationships. Nothing much to gain and a lot to lose. FYI, the average man spends more time with his female co workers than his girlfriend or wife and the average woman spends more time with her male co workers than her boyfriend or husband... <- FAIL.

I think we got deleted for going off topic. My bad.

 

[Severen]

Well I've been watching how humans love and be loved for a long time, and I gotta tellya: I don't really think you're missing out on anything special.

I still wake up from nightmares about my ex girlfriend but people always think the grass is greener on the other side.

 

[kkatt]

For 30 long years, I've persistently chosen the worst possible partners. There's only ever been one exception and they went and died on me.
Finally I just said "fuck it" and called it a day.

 

[AtomicNewt]

I never had a girlfriend and i dont think i will ever have one.
At 33 its next to impossible to fix it, i mean nearly every 16 old boy got more experience than me.
Outside are millions of single guys so why should a potential parter choose me and not one of the much better looking guys who can actually talk/flirt.

Sorry if I'm butting in but it really resonates with me as the best lover by far that I've ever had was 33 and had never had a gf and only had sex twice. I on the other hand have had way too many sexual partners, being recklessly impulsive, destructive and fucked on drugs for most my youth, certainly a broad spectrum for comparison at any rate (wasn't at this stage and hadn't been for nearly a decade when this happened just in case I'm announcing to the Internet how loose I am, not that I really care far worse things about me). Genuinely couldn't tell he wasn't experienced, quite the opposite in fact. Might seem patronising it's s not meant to be just my anecdote and I wish you all the best. Also, makes a far better partner someone that doesn't flirt or talk too much I promise!

 

[Dead beat dad]

I don't believe in relationships, I think they are 100% creepy, stupid nonsense.

But I am so deeply envious of couples who suicide together successfully. That in that rare instance, they both seemed to find a partner who understood the pain and stupidity of being alive, and ended it together.

Or you could try poking a hole in a rubber and getting her pregnant.
I bet that would totally make you want to live.
Sorry, kidding. I have a sick sense of humor.

Lol. Ironically my kid is my reason to live. If it wasn't for him then I would just be the memory of a skidmark on the underpants of society (as opposed to being an actual skidmark on the underpants of society as I am now)