Help boyfriend addicted to video games

[allym101]

he will play for hours on end. league of legends. because it's ranked and you get penalties for leaving, when he's playing a round, there is nothing i can do to stop it. i love him so much but he doesnt see how this is a problem. it hurts me so much.

 

[Hardcore_Henry]

of all games it had to be league lol.

im sorry though it sucks to hear :( how much does he play usually?

 

[beelzebul]

Does he work? If yes, how often? Is he depressed? For me, games are a way to escape the stresses of reality. It may be the same for him. I know it hurts you, but games could be his only escape from HIS hurt.

Also, have you tried sitting down with him and engaging with him while he plays? Showing interest in his games? You can spend time with him while he plays games.

Have you tried talking to him about how long he plays games or how you feel neglected (when he ISN'T mid-game)?

 

[bov]

If Lana Del Rey could build a whole career from this problem why can't you

 

[Labyrinth]

Videogames are for those who don't have a social life. There is no way to divide attention and disposition equally between the two spheres. I'm antisocial, reclusive, without friends or a girlfriend. I spend all my time playing, within the game I am revered. But no one knows everything I sacrificed and about my loneliness.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

That's tough, it's a real addiction. My ex's brother was absolutely consumed by gaming

 

[TheShadowKing]

Videogames are for those who don't have a social life. There is no way to divide attention and disposition equally between the two spheres. I'm antisocial, reclusive, without friends or a girlfriend. I spend all my time playing, within the game I am revered. But no one knows everything I sacrificed and about my loneliness.

Not true at all lol just say YOU'RE not able to divide attention between the two

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Unfortunately that's just how LoL is designed: waste a lot of time only to get mad about it and waste more time. I've sworn never to touch the game but more casual MOBAs like Pokémon Unite can apparently work like nicotine gum for weaning someone off League if it really gets that bad.

Also might help to one day have a conversation about why he feels he needs to get on League in the first place, though be careful to approach the subject from an understanding perspective rather than a judgmental one. From what I heard, most people I know who are on it are using it just to escape the anguish of not having a partner in the first place so it doesn't make sense to me really but maybe he's psychotic enough to actually find it fun.

 

[Labyrinth]

Not true at all lol just say YOU'RE not able to divide attention between the two

The competitiveness of games requires exuberant sacrifices, I don't think anyone is so foolish as to not understand that.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

he will play for hours on end. league of legends. because it's ranked and you get penalties for leaving, when he's playing a round, there is nothing i can do to stop it. i love him so much but he doesnt see how this is a problem. it hurts me so much.

Have you talked to him about it? It may sound like a dumb question if you have, but it's crazy how many people simply don't communicate when they need to.

Either way, I wish you the best and hope you two can work it out together

 

[struggles_inc]

I had to break up with a person like this. Unfortunately you cannot change him. If he doesn't change himself and still prefers games over you, then you're just convenient for him. One can go on about his mental state and that's perfectly valid, but you have to prioritise yourself.

 

[whywere]

I had to break up with a person like this. Unfortunately you cannot change him. If he doesn't change himself and still prefers games over you, then you're just convenient for him. One can go on about his mental state and that's perfectly valid, but you have to prioritise yourself.

100% agree with you. When the rubber hits the pavement sometimes one has to change the tire and move on.

Walter

 

[allym101]

Does he work? If yes, how often? Is he depressed? For me, games are a way to escape the stresses of reality. It may be the same for him. I know it hurts you, but games could be his only escape from HIS hurt.

Also, have you tried sitting down with him and engaging with him while he plays? Showing interest in his games? You can spend time with him while he plays games.

Have you tried talking to him about how long he plays games or how you feel neglected (when he ISN'T mid-game)?

He's not currently working but we're both in uni. I understand that he's stressed but it upsets me when he uses this as an excuse, as if im not in the midst of exam season too.

i did talk to him about this actually and he agreed to start playing less, but he's switched it for another league based game called TFT. I guess it's better but it worries me because he can't go even a day without playing these games. when we're sitting on the couch watching something together, he'll pull out the phone and play it. it's hurtful. i've expressed this to him but he's told me time and time again how unfair i am and how we always do what i want. i've tried to be more lenient, understanding that this is a coping mechanism for his stress but it's starting to clash. i used to have interest in video games, but the older i get the less interest i have, mainly because i can see how destructive they can be and i simply don't have the time to waste.

after another bad fight, he told me that sometimes he just has to play league and that this needs to be alone time for him. so i can sit in the room but i shouldnt bother him or anything. im fine with this but honestly it feels like im more of a burden than a girlfriend sometimes.

 

[hurting]

I know the feelings suck but you have to do you. You made an honest attempt to work it out but you should not take a backseat to a video game. It sounds like he is probably just not mature enough for a relationship yet.

 

[notherenotnow]

If talking with him isnt working, then dump him. There's no point with competing with video games. It's kinda like competing with heroin - you'll never win. If he's not mature enough to understand that he has a problem that he needs to fix, then he's not a good partner.

 

[SCDLKD]

There has to be something that's troubling him imo. Do you know if he has any plans for the future or if he's suicidal at all? I'm a hardcore league player too, but I don't play that much league when I'm feeling ok. The worse I feel the more I play this shitty game but I'd never put league over a gf or friends.

I think I heard about some kind of help line for people addicted to video games before, so you should try to look at it and see if they offer you any kind of help.

But in the end you need to be selfish sometimes and if this dude won't put any effort into trying to keep the things going, then you do you.

 

[InversedShadow]

He should definietly try to take the game easier than being addicted to it, its no use It will only cause him to be more frustrated on it and will slowly drain him, for his own good He should take a break from the game and focus on something else like u, it will get some fresh air for him when it comes to everyday life and the game. Spending more time on a game doesn't mean better results, taking a break is mandatory, of course best would be quitting it and moving on some other less absorbing game that is fun too ^^ that is what i recommend.
I used to be a League player too, maybe not that addicted but still a one that played for entire days after school! and honestly quitting it was one of better choices ever for me, not only did I find myself having more time but i also didn't feel so frustrated with games anymore - He should be aware that its just a game, you are a real person with real feeling for him, He shouldn't waste his chances that he has a person loving him, its not a chance he will get often with being how he is.
Its all about him realizing finally that the game really isn't worth so much (especially a game like League, matches 40-50 mins long and they end up with a loss? Call it one of the least satisfying things ever! Quitters and Teammates who die on purpose, literal ELO Hell existing, the system is just rigged and one just shouldn't waste his time on something like it! Emphasize those bad sides of this game and his addiction, he has to snap out of it! ) compared to you, if he wont then he is obviously immature and unwise, it will impact his job career and studies later on too obviously because of him not studying enough. Im not an expert on the matter, Im just a person who likes to play games and just saying a thing or two about it, best regards

 

[nivis...]

he will play for hours on end. league of legends. because it's ranked and you get penalties for leaving, when he's playing a round, there is nothing i can do to stop it. i love him so much but he doesnt see how this is a problem. it hurts me so much.

it hurts you that he's having fun, think about that. Second of all it's and addiction and it's hard to stop.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

it hurts you that he's having fun, think about that.

League? Fun? Unless he's queueing up with four other Challenger rank players and constantly winning every match flawlessly…yeah I still don't think he'd be having what most would call fun…

 

[nivis...]

League? Fun? Unless he's queueing up with four other Challenger rank players and constantly winning every match flawlessly…yeah I still don't think he'd be having what most would call fun…

lmao, okay you got a point

 

[Suicidebydeath]

He's not currently working but we're both in uni. I understand that he's stressed but it upsets me when he uses this as an excuse, as if im not in the midst of exam season too.

i did talk to him about this actually and he agreed to start playing less, but he's switched it for another league based game called TFT. I guess it's better but it worries me because he can't go even a day without playing these games. when we're sitting on the couch watching something together, he'll pull out the phone and play it. it's hurtful. i've expressed this to him but he's told me time and time again how unfair i am and how we always do what i want. i've tried to be more lenient, understanding that this is a coping mechanism for his stress but it's starting to clash. i used to have interest in video games, but the older i get the less interest i have, mainly because i can see how destructive they can be and i simply don't have the time to waste.

after another bad fight, he told me that sometimes he just has to play league and that this needs to be alone time for him. so i can sit in the room but i shouldnt bother him or anything. im fine with this but honestly it feels like im more of a burden than a girlfriend sometimes.

I'm really sorry for your situation. I can understand where he is at, because I'm a gamer too and it's a big part of relaxing me from the horrors of my past life.

That said, I would give up gaming time no matter the penalties or losses for my girlfriend, even if there was some big FOMO event that I would miss otherwise. When she has free time I only want to be with her anyway, she's my priority. But I can see his side too, I can understand he might feel a 'need' to game. I hope you find a compromise, maybe when only he has free time he can game, but when you both have free time, you should be spending quality time together. Would that work? Either way, I'm really sorry for your situation and how you feel and hope that he can focus more on you in future.

As a hobby I don't feel gaming is that harmful because there are many things that are worse and more expensive. I feel he just needs to prioritise quality time with you over gaming. It doesn't matter how much he's invested in LoL too, I could invest everything into a game, but my girlfriend is more important and special. As previous poster said, I feel like he should at least exert some effort into making you feel better and keeping you, esp. with how you feel about the gaming I feel like he should prioritise better. Between a game and a girlfriend, there's no comparison, in no uncertain words many could tell you the same here if they were in his place. It's like having his cake and eating it, he can't have both, it's either the game or time with you. Priorities!

it worries me because he can't go even a day without playing these games. when we're sitting on the couch watching something together, he'll pull out the phone and play it. it's hurtful. i've expressed this to him but he's told me time and time again how unfair i am and how we always do what i want. i've tried to be more lenient, understanding that this is a coping mechanism for his stress but it's starting to clash. i used to have interest in video games, but the older i get the less interest i have, mainly because i can see how destructive they can be ...
after another bad fight, he told me that sometimes he just has to play league and that this needs to be alone time for him. so i can sit in the room but i shouldnt bother him or anything. im fine with this but honestly it feels like im more of a burden than a girlfriend sometimes.

Re: he said that you're unfair and always do what you want, but that doesn't seem the reality from what you've posted in this thread about how he plays the games everyday, you're not allowed to bother him and he'll even play on his phone when you're watching something together. Is he gaslighting you?

Re: LoL, I don't play but I looked it up and the penaltys for Tier 1-3 leaving a game, are just extended queue timers which is a meaningless penalty anyway if he's stopping playing to spend time with you. So it seems like just an excuse he's making to keep gaming, when it's easily fixable anyway by just not starting a game when you should have time together.