Venting Bought a rope today

[Diesel_Punk]

I got some nice strong synthetic rope, the package says it will hold up to 600kg which is well within my weight range. I also already have a perfect anchor point for partial suspension picked out. I have spent the past week or so looking at videos and pictures of people who caught the bus this way and from what I've seen it is neither a quick nor a pretty way to die (most of the ugly stuff happens while one is unconscious) but it is the only one I could organise with depression wringing every ounce of energy from my body.

I may not go through with it today or tomorrow but my hope is that I will find the guts to overcome my SI sooner rather than later.

 

[WornOutLife]

Whatever happens, wish you lots of love and peace!!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is hard to die and SI can get in the way. If only we all had an peaceful way out if we wanted one. I wish you well.

 

[Diesel_Punk]

It really is hard to die and SI can get in the way. If only we all had an peaceful way out if we wanted one. I wish you well.

SI is a damn hard thing to get past but I think if I have everything close at hand when there will be a in a truly miserable place it is going to allow me to do what I have to.

Rationally I have accepted that CTB is my only way out, even with all the harm it will inflict on my family. Truly the only things holding me back are fear and SI.