Bottling Up One’s Feelings

[Unsure and Useless]

Most people would want to know how to not bottle up their thoughts and feelings, but (for me, at least) I want to know how to. Tips on how you guys do it also helps.

Even though I know I shouldn't be so open about my suicidal ideation, I have a tendency to talk about it ad nauseam, and it's getting to the point where people have gotten used to it enough to pretend like I don't talk about it (not that I blame them though). This includes anything such as how I want to die, my "tragic" childhood, any cynical thoughts that I happen to blurt out, etc. It also doesn't help that I have pretty thin skin, so, regardless of what I do, I'll end up spilling my emotions or thoughts one way or another.

I'm just sick and tired of not being able to stop sharing these deeply personal things. All it has gotten me is backhanded comments ("You know, it's funny how I know so much about you, yet you know nothing about me. Really says something, huh?"), useless advice ("You should breathe for 5 seconds, hold it, and breath out for 5 seconds!"), and meaningless platitudes ("Oh my gosh, that must suck.").

(Ironically, I may have overshared in a thread looking for how to not overshare…)

Tl;dr: I want to know how you guys bottle up your thoughts and feelings!

 

[loveechoes]

People are often scared when they hear the truths of our feelings… and when I say people, I mean the ones that have never been exposed to the darkness we've all felt. It is nice I have found this place , finally a group of people that understand the feelings and thoughts that run marathons in my brain hourly! No need to bottle feelings, just find and outlet

Most people would want to know how to not bottle up their thoughts and feelings, but (for me, at least) I want to know how to. Tips on how you guys do it also helps.

Even though I know I shouldn't be so open about my suicidal ideation, I have a tendency to talk about it ad nauseam, and it's getting to the point where people have gotten used to it enough to pretend like I don't talk about it (not that I blame them though). This includes anything such as how I want to die, my "tragic" childhood, any cynical thoughts that I happen to blurt out, etc. It also doesn't help that I have pretty thin skin, so, regardless of what I do, I'll end up spilling my emotions or thoughts one way or another.

I'm just sick and tired of not being able to stop sharing these deeply personal things. All it has gotten me is backhanded comments ("You know, it's funny how I know so much about you, yet you know nothing about me. Really says something, huh?"), useless advice ("You should breathe for 5 seconds, hold it, and breath out for 5 seconds!"), and meaningless platitudes ("Oh my gosh, that must suck.").

(Ironically, I may have overshared in a thread looking for how to not overshare…)

Tl;dr: I want to know how you guys bottle up your thoughts and feelings!

Sorry, to answer the last part… I don't bottle them, just find an outlet to release them!

 

[LocalAngel]

I never do so intentionally, but bottling ones feelings just generally means calling yourself out when you think your sharing too much, stopping, admitting to the other person that you don't wanna talk about it, and yeah. Eventually repeating that will become habit.

Obviously though, not healthy.

 

[lionetta12]

Most people would want to know how to not bottle up their thoughts and feelings, but (for me, at least) I want to know how to. Tips on how you guys do it also helps.

Even though I know I shouldn't be so open about my suicidal ideation, I have a tendency to talk about it ad nauseam, and it's getting to the point where people have gotten used to it enough to pretend like I don't talk about it (not that I blame them though). This includes anything such as how I want to die, my "tragic" childhood, any cynical thoughts that I happen to blurt out, etc. It also doesn't help that I have pretty thin skin, so, regardless of what I do, I'll end up spilling my emotions or thoughts one way or another.

I'm just sick and tired of not being able to stop sharing these deeply personal things. All it has gotten me is backhanded comments ("You know, it's funny how I know so much about you, yet you know nothing about me. Really says something, huh?"), useless advice ("You should breathe for 5 seconds, hold it, and breath out for 5 seconds!"), and meaningless platitudes ("Oh my gosh, that must suck.").

(Ironically, I may have overshared in a thread looking for how to not overshare…)

Tl;dr: I want to know how you guys bottle up your thoughts and feelings!

I stay around people who are 10 times more extroverted and more oversharing than me because that makes me become the listener while they pour their heart out to me, I like it that way, to know everything about them while they are on a need to know basis with me. If they dominate all the conversations I don't have to talk much and it becomes pretty impossible to overshare anything as they talk nonstop.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's a cliche but writting stuff down I find helps- in a journal. Doesn't have to be neat- it's just to get it out somewhere.

My Dad impressed upon me that people will only be sympathetic to an extent. After which time- they become bored. It's sad but I think he's right. Unfortunately- it can apply to family members too. Especially if they buy-in to the whole- life is hard but you just need to make the best of it type thing.

I don't know how reliable friends and family have been in your life but that's another factor for me. I don't think you can rely on people because they're simply not reliable. (In my experience.) Opening up to people is great if they are going to support you but if it's likely they'll end up leaving- that feeling of comfort followed by abandonment can feel even worse. It starts to make you realise you are really on your own in this world and perhaps it's important to embrace that- less disappointment that way.

Also- trying to recall all the times the responses REALLY haven't helped- or actually made things worse sometimes makes me think twice about sharing things.

Lastly though- I have to say- DON'T bottle stuff up- it's not good for you. If you want to limit how much you vent in real life- do it here. Here's the place to do it! No one expects anything else here.

I wouldn't say I was THAT great at bottling stuff up. I'm definitely no good at pretending I'm ok when I'm not. I suppose my 'solution' has to become a more or less recluse- I simply don't have people around to tell. Still- I'm about to start a new job that is VERY people focussed. I just hope I can pretend to be normal. I reckon it's going to be exhausting...

 

[SexyIncél]

It depends on why you're doing this. If fight-or-flight, it's very hard to control. Otherwise, you can try making your rants amusing. And ask someone if you can rant to them over instant messaging, saying they can skim through it. Work on the brevity of those messages, encapsulating much in a little space

btw you made me think of something. I don't know if it's related to your problem

Random theory: in fight-or-flight mode, we alert the pack by somewhat maniacally talking about whatever's chasing us

We could test this. For example, watch recordings of people alerting uninterested audiences of a threat. A real one, like a rapist; or an imagined one like the Devil or a ghost. Then we see if it's a little similar to recordings of people sharing suicidal ideation

If true, this behavior has a biological component. Though of course the best solution may not be purely biological, like drugging you up or a lobotomy

 

[tieiwi]

I keep to myself only because the people around me aren't very nice and don't care about what I have to say. Also because I'm not interested in life so I don't have much to say in the first place. I love staying in my head and just talking with myself if that makes sense. As for bottling up feelings I just distract myself until I forget about it. I'll go on my phone and scroll for hours or my favorite is to just clean. I'll wipe countertops, wash the dishes, wipe down the dinner table. I just keep repeating that whenever any feelings come back up.

 

[Laivirt]

How to feel absolutely nothing: a guide

(I realize that feeling nothing and bottling up emotions are two different things; the latter implies you'll eventually experience some kind of release whereas the former doesn't have a release. But it's better to prevent emotions from occurring in the first place rather than feeling them and trying to hide them imo.)

• It helps to distract yourself from your feelings to the point that you just feel detached from them. When you feel something negative, just put on a funny youtube video or listen to music so you don't have to think about it.

• Try to go out of your way to commit digital self harm. Gradually exposing yourself to horrible things will make them hurt less over time. Personally I sort through the eyeblech subreddit to do this. Other times I read through TERF accounts on twitter. The more it ruins your day, the better.

• Hang out with people who very clearly can't handle emotional vunerability. Whether it be in person or online, you'll quickly learn to detach from what you feel if you know your friends/community will just make fun of your emotions.

• When talking to someone about life experiences, ask yourself "is this universal, or did I only experience this because I was abused/neglected?" And if the answer isn't the former, don't say anything.
  • I realize this is difficult because trauma effects every aspect of your life to the point where it can even be relevant to mundane conversations (i.e. when people ask if I have siblings I just say I only have sisters because my brother scares me, they'll never meet him anyway since he lives pretty far away) but practicing over time will help. When in doubt, never mention anything related to the subject. If you experienced child abuse from your parents and/or siblings, don't talk about your childhood or your family. If you were sexually assaulted, don't bring up the topic of sex, etc etc. When someone else brings it up, just say you don't want to talk about it or that you just don't have anything interesting to add.

• Realize that ultimately, the average person just doesn't care about you. There is no reason to share because they will just give you bad advice like what you've already stated. Talking about the problem will not solve it. It will not gain you any sympathy.

• Realize that information is a dagger. It can be used to help you or hurt you depending on who you talk to. People cannot weaponize your trauma and mental health struggles against you if they don't know about them in the first place.
  • I have gotten to the point where it doesn't matter if it's true or not, if I think about revealing personal information to someone, I immediately tell myself internally "This person could ruin my life if they wanted to. This will person will ruin my life if they want to."
  • ...which is obviously not healthy, I realize that. But it is somewhat true for my situation. I wish I could just be the "politically correct" kind of mentally ill where I just have a bit of depression or anxiety, but my fucking personality just makes people lump me in with Adam Lanza. Being too honest will get me involuntarily hospitalized and then I'll never be able to get a gun to CTB with so...not worth it.

I think that should work, right? Just lie to yourself and say that every person you know is trying to hurt you or kill you. Then you'll never talk ever again.

Hopefully you found this helpful cuz this was the most mentally ill thing I've written in a while lol....