Venting Boredom

[bipolar22]

I can deal with pain and suffering even loneliness. I'm used to it. But I cant stand fucking boredom. This nothingness and emtyness. Especially now in this small canadian village. Alcohol is fucking unaffordable. Anything is and I haven't drank for 2 years anyway. So I just sit alone all day cleaning and waxing the floors because I have no incentive to even go outside. Nothing out there anyway but a bunch of homeless junkies ans a small uninspiring gym which can't afford a heavy bag just to make it as depressing as possible. I was happier being an alcoholic dealing with all the health problems it gave me THAN THIS FUCKING BOREDOM. End of rant

 

[pyranha]

cannot put into words how much i relate to this. the boredom is about the only thing that makes me almost want to cry nowadays- sometimes, i get forced to confront how bored i feel, and i genuinely contemplate bashing my head into the wall. not out of any anger or self hatred, but because i would truly rather die in that moment than have to keep living this way. it's like you said- pain and loneliness are tolerable. but god, this boredom, this feeling of the world being so stale, and seeing most people be perfectly fine with that- or even worse, they fit right in with it. i don't get it, i really don't.

the boredom kills me more than anything else, and we're just expected to be ok with this kind of life. the fact that we can't stand it is somehow the "wrong" response- how can that be? why don't more people want to bash their heads against walls, doesn't anyone care about passion? doesn't anyone want grand meaning to their life, something that takes up all the hours of the day and makes life worth it? why do most of them accept the scraps that modern life gives us?

 

[bipolar22]

My gf. She is very nice. But she works the same assistant job everyday. Comes home and proceeds to watch netflix or plays some boring card game. Every. Single. Day. We went kickboxing together for a while but she sits down after 20 minutes and looks at facebook on her phone. I keep asking her how she doesn't die of boredom. It's a miracle. She has no real passion but playing the same online game over and over even the dame maps. Not bashing on her. I'm just so different. I need a ton of stimulation or I loose my mind literally

 

[pyranha]

i know exactly what you mean- all of my family members are exactly like this, though its not just a them issue. get up, go to work, come home, scroll facebook/tiktok at 100 volume, have the same exact conversation they had yesterday about the same exact things, eat dinner, watch netflix/play a little phone game, and then go to bed.

what gets me isn't that they do this, it's that they don't care that they live this way. watching them is like seeing my worst nightmare turned into reality, but to them, this is a perfectly decent life. they are happy to keep rotting in place for the rest of their lives, with the only primary focuses in their life being work and children.

what confuses me is that a lot of people would attribute these feelings to things like adhd, but i genuinely don't think it's that. i think these people, your gf and my family included, were once deeply passionate people. they wanted more from the world and they believed they could have it. then, they grew up, and that light sank deeper and deeper within them, until they accepted that 'this is just how things are always gonna be'. i have never, and will never, be able to accept that myself- there has to be more than this. there has to be a more interesting world out there, something to feel passionate about, some reason to push ourselves forward. there has to be something greater than scrolling on tiktok for hours a day and if, for some god awful reason, there genuinely isn't anything else? i would truly rather kill myself LOL