Bored af, ready to be out but can't decide when. What should I do to move forward?

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

I'm ready to be out. I'm indifferent to the date much like everything else in life at this moment. One of the big hurdles I need to get out of the way before I move forward is packing up my place. I have a bunch of "stufff" aka junk (nothing that I find useful). However its probably not considered junk to others so I'm wondering what should i do.

I have a bunch of high fashion shoes, bags and clothing none of which I give a crap about although I could probably sell some of the stuff for a decent penny. I have a well maintained sedan that runs absolutely fantastic despite being nearly 20 years old (<200K miles). All bank assets I've declared to a non-profit entity as beneficiary.

1) I have been contemplating whether I should just pay a company to pack up my stuff because I dont really have enough energy / determination to do it myself. However I dont want to be bothered with people. Should I just continue to take my time or step it up move forward and hire someone?​

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2) My first intention was to put 99% of my stuff in boxes and place it in a storage facility. I'm not sure whether I'd just let it sit there and become part of "storage wars", give it away to someone I know, or sell it all and give the proceeds to charity. I'd then either live in my apt with just a bed, chair and TV. Or move to another locale where I can gather myself enough to make a split second decision and move forward with CTB. What do you think?​

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-Considering that I'm indecisive about my date I fear changing my mind or delaying my date after all myself stuff is sold / gone (then its too late to get it back.)​

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3) I had / have 1 "friend" (I'm not sure whether she is a real "friend" now? I met her at a conference about 5 years ago, we've traveled and grown close. However I get a bit suspicious when people dont answer / acknowledge my call after a few weeks. She knows I'm not in a good place. I'm also a bit annoyed--in the back of my mind--because when I mentioned CTB months ago she asked me whether she could have some of my "stuff"??? ) I considered putting the stuff in storage and sending her the key. She would know I'm out. However I'm still annoyed about her asking for my "stuff" so I feel like I should just let her go or give the stuff to charity. I have already ghosted my small network of pals. Since I haven't heard back from her recently, I feel like I can ghost her too (unless she's already done that to me first!)​

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It might sound like I'm making a big deal here but it is a big deal to me. The reason is that I want to CTB 100% anonymously. I'd rather people think I was out traveling the world than knowing I completed suicide. I fear this information would somehow get back and circulate amongst my professional / grad circle. I dont want to be talked about. I dont use any social media except linkedin. I turned all settings off that would give away any notifications, activity patterns, etc. I'm ok if the 1 "friend" I mentioned above knows. I just dont want anyone else alerted.

I dont really have family. There are a bunch of people related to me who I dont talk to nor haven't for years including parents. (I left home as an early teen.) My apartment complex however has my sister's number as an emergency contact (long story). Hence I desire to move to another complex before I die so they dont alert her in the event my car is abandoned and my current address comes up when the VIN # is checked. The car would then be reregistered with another address. I can then make sure the emergency contact info there is bogus. I would do ANYTHING to make sure my family NEVER knows. They're the type of people that would tell everyone I'm crazy and make me out to be some kind of loser, even alerting people that have no business knowing my business.

- As an FYI, I again fear giving up my car then changing my mind / delaying my date.​

Sorry for the long post. I'm a bit chatty today and I wanted to start making some decisions. Even if it is to nurse myself back to a point where I have the energy to move forward with a date that would be progress. I dont work right now so there's no rush per say. However I'm tired of wasting away looking at 4 walls with little interest of existing while indulging in tasteless junk food. I'm 100% sure I dont want to be here. Its just a matter of when...


P.S. I'm looking for hardcore advice. None of the "take your time, don't rush it" variety out of fear of being "prosecuted" by onlookers as if you are coaxing / forcing me to CTB. I'm sure many of you can tell by my posts that my personality in no shape or form fits the narrative of being "vulnerable to suggestion".

Thanks in advance!

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[lymbo]

whats your reason for wantyng to ctb?

 

[trynacbt]

Sorry I don't have any advice, just here to say that friend is cold af !!! I'm sorry she asked for your stuff. Damn... I would ghost her

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

My advice is to take your time, Dont rush :)

I kid, but i wouldn't rush to sell everything. Because i too am afraid of leaving a big mess for somebody to clean up, i have been looking at what i need to make it through my days. For me, this is my TV, PlayStation and laptop. I dont use anything else, even on my good days. So while i loved my book collection, and i felt like i didnt want to get rid of it, i haven't really missed it much.

So real advice? Start selling things, but do it slowly. Post in the ads you are selling because you are moving. If you dump everything online at once for a quick sale, you usually get less value and anyone who knows you might notice. Donating the money to charity is an amazing idea. Perhaps even a pro-choice organisation that supports assisted suicide as an option for mental health issues. If i had anything to give away like that, i wouldn't want any one person to benefit from my death. Nobody should be happy im dead because of greed.

 

[Nikoson]

How about donating it to a charity?

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

whats your reason for wantyng to ctb?

To put it simply without going into all the loooong draw out details. I'm exhausted from life. I fought a lot of personal hardships, trauma etc. before the age of 18 to become "successful". I stopped working almost 3 years ago after being severely harassed on my job by Executives. I dont ever want to work in a company with people again. That experience on top of all the other "struggles to be 'successful'" finally broke my spirit. I'm not interested in making friends although I do so easily. I'm emotionally numb. I thought I'd get married but that never happened. I haven't been able to connect deeply with men, nor most people. And most of my circle doesnt get me. I also have one health issue that affects my skin / face. While it doesnt stand out in a big way I feel its changed my beauty.

I attempted as a teen but thought "I'd show everyone" by becoming successful. That goal no longer holds value for me. I stopped enjoying life and activities many years ago. I only hung on b/c I thought I'd eventually have a family of my own. Sadly that never happened. I wanted to travel with a hubby living sort an off and on free / nomadic life. But I can't seem to find that mix of person who gets me, is a free spirit, and mentally stimulating (all in one.)

I'm depressed, have ADHD, and a bit of anxiety. This thread kinda speaks to a little more detail. Being "successful" by society's standard doesnt make one happy.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ng-anyone-in-the-same-boat.25548/#post-465216

EDIT: I'm over 40 in case that helps.

 

[lymbo]

how old are u, sure yts not too late to meet that speclal someone

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

how old are u, sure yts not too late to meet that speclal someone

I edited my previous thread. I'm 40+. I have ZERO interest in dating. I stopped about 6 years ago. The process is exhausting. The stable accomplished corporate type tends to not want the free spirited girl. And i dont want them; they bore me. I've dated a bunch of guys that acted stupid b/c of my success. I don't care about my success but somehow they feel intimidated by it. Then other men didnt stimulate me mentally although they were nice. I'm very sapiosexual.

My relationships each last about 2-3 months. The few men that I dated that were fun and interesting I had to dump b/c they turned out to be psychopaths or manipulative sociopaths. Others were liars or had personal issues that they were not willing to address in order to have a deep cohesive relationship. Then there are those who think I'm weird or damaged b/c I don't have family and I'm not into social media. I prefer a private adventurous life.

In the past 3 years I stopped working out. I gained 80 lbs after I gave up on life. I dont really care how I look anymore. I also "gambled" away 6 figures in a few months. No I'm not addicted, I just hit a bad streak in the learning process and my brain was somewhat addicted to the excitement of learning something new to put it vaguely.

 

[Stan]

OK straight talker - you asked for it!!

Question #1 You answered your own question. You don't have the energy so don't bother. Contact a charity shop, tell them you have an Alladin's of stuff. You are moving to somewhere and you are massively decluttering you life in preparation for the move. Give a guess on how much the stuff is worth. If the number is high enough I bet they will do it. You also have the benefit of giving to charity in the process. or find the energy, take photos and ebay the stuff

Question #2. Resolve this before you consider #1. If you are going to make a change to try another chance, make it a big one. Don't just go to the next town down the road - make it an adventure. That will keep you busy. Don't just make it 'different city, same old shit'. Do something really different.

Question #3. Friends are their for the rough as well as the smooth. If someone only wants to be around for the smooth, then they are an acquaintance or similar word. Give your stuff to charity where it will do something good, not some vulture cum hearse chasing ghoul like that. or sell it on ebay for a suggestion that I give later.

No LMAO, you are not making a big deal - it is the deal regardless of size. If you are absolutely sure this is the route you want to take, then sell everything of worth. Once you have a pile of cash you can make some decisions. You could cbt, or you could go off for a year and volunteer in a country where your skills or personal capability would be not only welcomed, but begged for. Hell! You might even enjoy it! Even if you cbt later, at least going to a foreign country for humanitarian grounds is a fantastic context to just disappear.