Venting Body Dysmorphia

[Anhaedra]

Hi. Just wanted to make this thread to vent about how its like to have body dysmorphia and possibly finding other members who also suffer from it that want to have a chat.

Ive been suffering from body dysmorphia since 2015 but I only got diagnosed later in 2018 after it got so unbearable to do anything.

On the days where I had nothing to do, my day consisted of sitting infront of the mirror for hours, brushing my hair, trying to hide my hairline which is my main concern. I also hate my facial hair so I have to shave everyday even if Im not even leaving the house.

Ive been to too many therapists and psychs and taken every kind of medication that can be prescribed for this condition. None of the meds improved my symptoms even slightly. Im currently taking 5 medications and still not feeling any better.

Couple weeks ago I talked to my therapist about wishing to kill my self and she wanted to hospitalize me but I refused, now my parents are locking me inside the house by order of the doctor.

Been repeating the same day everyday. I cant bear to look at this face anymore, I wish I had any other mental illness other than bdd. Its like living in hell. Everytime Im outside I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me, i feel so anxious like Im being hunted for sport.

I cant cope anymore, i dont feel human anymore. Im just a pile of pain and misery. Just want the suffering to end, I just want non-existence.

I dont know how long ill have to wait so they let me out on my own but once I do, Im going to get everything I need for the sn method and immediatly leave.

Sorry for rambling, I just had so much to say and I kinda still have a lot more to say but I cant find the words to describe it.

 

[I wish to be happy]

Its funny, I'm the exact same way as you describe. I wish more than anything I could wake up with the body and mind of anyone else so I could be free of these thoughts.

I hope you're able to find peace, I know you have a lot on your plate and it never feels like it can ever go away.

 

[Anhaedra]

Its funny, I'm the exact same way as you describe. I wish more than anything I could wake up with the body and mind of anyone else so I could be free of these thoughts.

I hope you're able to find peace, I know you have a lot on your plate and it never feels like it can ever go away.

Thank you, hope you find your peace too. Life is bad but it can always be worse

 

[Randy Savage]

So sorry to hear you're going through this. Body dysmorphia is fucked up and most people act like you're crazy if you express how you're feeling about it. Your feelings are completely valid here.

I have dysmorphia over my face, teeth, hair, body, height etc every day. It makes me feel like a freak to say the least. Seriously a major motivation killer and source of anguish when you're trying to go about your day and you suddenly remember you're going to be alone because of how you look and feel ugly for the rest of your life. It definitely does feel like other people are watching you and thinking the worst about you.

If you have time to chat about it, I'm here. Sending love and best wishes.

 

[justwannadip]

I have body dysmorphia, bpd, ocd, adhd and a relentless inner critic so I basically am tortured all day. I feel you on the body dysmorphia. I also got surgery that was supposed to fix a breathing issue (that I would have never gone to surgery for if I didn't feel like I was drowning because of my breathing tics, and the doctor fucked up and changed the shape of my nose. An absolute fucking nightmare with body dysmorphia. I wanted to die and it still affects me daily. I still feel like crawling out of my skin when I think about it.

 

[creirwy]

I have body dysmorphia as well and I know exactly how you're feeling. A few months ago, after an attempt to ctb with various pills, I started to gain a lot of weight in very short time. I got stretch marks all over my body now and the additional 20 kgs are making me want to crawl out of my own skin.

 

[CantDoIt]

Hey I have BDD and it's one of my reasons for ctb. Sorry you have to deal with it too!

 

[puppybrained]

i'm pretty sure i have BDD. it's hell living with it. my appearance is constantly on my mind, and as a result i'm constantly anxious and sad. even now i can physically feel my flaws. i dont really have advice, i only wish you some peace and i hope you find comfort in knowing there's a lot of us with you.

 

[Reticent Being]

. Thanks for making this post for me, i've struggled with body dysmorphia for as long as i could recognize what beauty standards were. It makes me paranoid to have relationships with other people. I keep thinking abt how i know im too ugly to be around them and too ugly to speak. I thought about how they should be around someone beautiful because that's what they really want.

Still, i feel immensely sad that most people are social climbers and rather not associate with me because of how i look. I wonder if friendships can even be real when it's so dependent on beauty. I've learned my personality doesnt matter. When it comes to friends, i remember someone told me around ages 11-12 "my mom cant see you around me because my mom only wants me to have pretty friends."

To make myself feel better, i also think that most humans are "ugly" they just cover it up with money and manipulation. I try to remember that there are multiple ways to exist as beautiful and that my culture just doesnt celebrate anyone like me. Which still isnt better , but it neutralizes the power that i give to the word "beautiful."

a big source of body dysmorphia growing up was my hair. All times of the day no matter what, it always looked bad and still does no matter how much i want my hair to look acceptable.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

I also suffer from body dysmorphia. It's been going on since forever, way before I even understood what a mental illness was. It can be an absolutely crippling disorder.