Venting body dysmorphia facial dysmorphia anybody else?

[ilvgore]

anybody else that suffers so extremely from these 2? for me it's especially the face i hate my face i cant look at myself without feeling disgusting i dont like my smile smile lines my skins imperfections, discolouration and overall features i become extremly uncomfortable when somebody is looking at me and i HATEEEEEEEE eye contact i always cry because of this i think i am undeserving of nice things like friends or a social life its also part of the reason i want to CTB sadly in my past i had encounters where i wasnt treated nicely just because of my looks i even was insulted by my friends and called ugly and stuff i dont even but i always had a negative self esteem so when they pointed out something about myself i always thought it to be negative i dont feel good in the presence of other humans i think a good look could help.. and it really doesn't help that science agrees with me on this thing like you know the beauty privilege and stuff.. i try to change myself but it comes with great effort which i cant do cause i dont have any motivation and it just makes my depression worse.. still looking ugly and undeserving..

 

[dragonofenvy]

I was made fun of a lot for being very pale and not being buff/brawny, instead being scrawny. At 24 I still have some acne which I feel very ashamed about and can never quite get a close enough shave on my face to get rid of all the hair so I always feel like I'm going around with degen beard. I also have very dark bruising under my eyes and hollow cheeks, both of which I've had since probably about 8 or 9. I now cover myself in as many clothes as possible, especially try to hide my arms that aren't big enough, and hide as much my face as is socially acceptable. I hate my face the most I can live with the rest but I just can't stand looking at myself.

I've only ever received one compliment in my entire lifetime about my appearance. A girl said I was cute when I was 12. Everything else was mocking me. The only thing that was close was "You're not that bad looking," which at the time I took for a compliment but only realized later what they were actually saying. Yeah, no, this isn't something that's just in my head. Everyone else is the one who said it. A lot of people have a difficult time understanding this.

It's a really shitty feeling to hate yourself so much that when someone looks at you it causes discomfort, and viewing yourself in the mirror fills you with shame. I'm sorry for what you're having to go through and how much anxiety it gives you. I can deal with my dysmorphia so long as I don't look at myself, if I couldn't I wouldn't be able to do my delivery job, so while I can't fully relate to your experience I can at least do so partly.

 

[needthebus]

I am not sure. I looked very strange and I'm not sure whether it is a perceptual disturbance or how I look. I think it's probably accurate, but it's hard to know.

It sort of doesn't matter because I have actual physical injuries that are not psychotic in nature that make it hard for me to date. So even if I have low self-esteem in part because I am perceiving how my face looks incorrectly, it doesn't matter because I can't date anyway.

It's really hard to not look or be normal because people are extraordinarily cruel to people who are different. The only positive is that if you have 2 arms and 2 legs you are doing better than some people, and not everything in life is about beauty or should be. But that isn't that helpful when one is single and alone.

I am pretty sure I do have dysmorphia for my face because sometimes it looks different to me, like 1 day it will look one way and another it will look another. I think it's a perceptual disturbance caused by damaged neurons in certain parts of my brain, although perhaps it's accurate? Again, however I actually look doesn't really impact things because I don't date because of injuries

@ilvgore do you have any hobbies or things you like or things you want to do? Sometimes acceptance is the best way to deal with this stuff. Okay, so you're not the most beautiful person ever. What are you good at? What can you be good at? Maybe there are other things that are cool about you. You've probably thought about all of this, however. I still hope you end up happy somehow.

Also, in the movie version of SaSu, @ilvgore and @dragonofenvy will start chatting, fall in love and live happily ever after. It could happen, right?

 

[Ashu]

I've been terrorized by dysmorphophobia about my circumcision since I was thirty, and am now fifty-four.

 

[Agent_PS]

I hate my body so much, everytime I see my naked body in the mirror I almost throw up. And my face is just as bad especially my eyes, they look like two filthy black holes.

 

[Misanthrope0000]

You're not the only one, i've developed an ED due to body dysmorphobia (that's what people call it, but I truly believe that my body is disgusting, it's not just dysmorphobia)
Even though I didn't lose my desired amount of weight, my health got worse and ended up developing fungus infection in my skin due to weakened immune system (it's healed now)

And don't even mention my face, I was born with horrible sunken eyes, it's not just dark circles, my skin is literally sunken in and It ruins my whole face, it makes me look a lot uglier and it's not helping that people mostly think of this eye shape as a sign of aging, and the fact that my partner had been with 8 women before makes everything worse for mez and I can't help but think that all of them were a lot prettier than me, and I'm definitely the ugliest out of then all.

I was also bullied a child for my looks and hair a lot, so that's not helping either

When my face is fully exposed with no hair covering some of it, all I can see is the reflection of my disgusting abusive "dad" it's almost as if I'm a copy paste of him, I ended up getting a "hime cut" to cover most of my face