Blank

[Callie Arcale]

One of the things that sets me apart from the other human beings is that I am blank. I have no interests. No hobbies. I lack imagination. I can't draw or play any instruments. I have never collected things. I have never created anything, not ever a paper airplane. I am just empty.

This has always troubled me. I think that the reason I am so blank is because I have always suffered from severe anxiety. Being so consumed with feelings of fear and stress from an early age, has meant that there was never any place for anything else inside my mind. Just dread.

I envy people who feel passionate about something. I wish I had that. I think it would give me some sense of meaning and I would feel less lonely.

When I think of my life ending I shudder at how something that really is nothing can even end. If someone were to open my "book of life" when I am gone and browse through it, they would be surprised to find nothing there. Just blank pages staring back at them.

Anyone else feel this way too?

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I can relate to what you're saying in a way. Except I haven't always been "blank" but became "blank" at one point in my life. I know the difference, I know it sucks to be "empty" like this and I'm sorry that's how you feel too. I think if someone was spying on me, they'd die of boredom watching my hollow life. I think that's what depression does to you. Maybe antidepressants can help...

 

[foxdie]

I relate to this a lot. I've never had any talents or passions. I would describe it as me being dead in the inside rather then blank for myself. One of the many reasons I've felt not cut out for this world.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I haven't always been that way, but yes. Unless sleeping counts as a passion, I pretty much lack all the defining qualities that creates a personality. I'm just not here most of the time, even when someone dies.

I blame depression for robbing me of all interest and anxiety for keeping me in a cage.

 

[262653]

I feel blocked, but not blank. Is there a way for expressing something like this? Because if there was such an expression, it wouldn't be blocked anymore, now would it. The burning head with expressionless face. The thirsty wanderer with lips sewn shut near the pool of fresh water.

I see the survival benefits in maintaining potato mode. Can't off myself without without being driven, so life is maintained by keeping the drives at the minimum level. It's just a theory but hey, who else benefits from keeping the host in apathetic state?

 

[signifying nothing]

In a way I envy your blankness. I have done so much I would like not to have done. I would like to erase all the things that I have been, the words I have written, the things people will remember about me.

I feel my life now is spent trying to undo my past, what my life has been. There's that saying about leaving only footprints - I would be very glad if the sum of my life amounted to that.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I think if someone was spying on me, they'd die of boredom watching my hollow life.

Oh my god, @Nessie this line made me laugh. I think the same can be said about me. I would make the worst reality show in the history of mankind (((Hugs)))

One of the many reasons I've felt not cut out for this world.

I feel like other people are not made from the same stuff I'm made of. It's like when god (or whatever) made me, they forgot to add a key ingredient. I look normal, I talk normal but on the inside I'm just broken coz there's a crucial part missing and that missing part prevents the machinery from working properly. Thanks for the reply, @foxdie I love your avatar - the dark forest and the juxtaposition with the blood red fox is a powerful image.

I haven't always been that way, but yes. Unless sleeping counts as a passion, I pretty much lack all the defining qualities that creates a personality. I'm just not here most of the time, even when someone dies.

I blame depression for robbing me of all interest and anxiety for keeping me in a cage.

It sounds like we suffer from the same demons: anxiety and depression. In my case anxiety came first and ruined my life. Depression is a result of living with GAD for 40 years. I think you are right to compare anxiety to a cage. We are prisoners of a dreadful master. Take care, @Scribble Fan

The thirsty wanderer with lips sewn shut near the pool of fresh water.

This is so beautifully written, it's poetic. I oftentimes think I am like a starving guest at a banquet who just sits there unable to move their hands and get a bite to eat. People are laughing, enjoying themselves, the food and drinks get replenished and all I can do is watch and feel hunger clawing inside me. Thank you for the reply @Burzolog

In a way I envy your blankness. I have done so much I would like not to have done. I would like to erase all the things that I have been, the words I have written, the things people will remember about me.

I feel my life now is spent trying to undo my past, what my life has been. There's that saying about leaving only footprints - I would be very glad if the sum of my life amounted to that.

It seems to me you live up to your username and have had a life "full of sound and fury" then. That's so different from me. I feel that a mouse living in a countryside barn leaves more footprints in this world than I have. Anyway, I wish you good luck undoing whatever it is that you regret @signifying nothing

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Being so consumed with feelings of fear and stress from an early age, has meant that there was never any place for anything else inside my mind. Just dread.

Man, this hurt to read. I'm sorry you've suffered like this as well.

Logically, I know I'm not blank. But fuck, this is how I feel:



I feel dead, boring, empty. The static is how it feels to put on the fucking show to everyone. My laughs are hollow, my jokes are just for other people. It's just painful.

And I messed up this post. Whatever. Screw it

 

[foxdie]

I feel like other people are not made from the same stuff I'm made of. It's like when god (or whatever) made me, they forgot to add a key ingredient. I look normal, I talk normal but on the inside I'm just broken coz there's a crucial part missing and that missing part prevents the machinery from working properly. Thanks for the reply, @foxdie I love your avatar - the dark forest and the juxtaposition with the blood red fox is a powerful image.

I relate to these sentiments very much. Look "normal" on the outside but I feel completely lacking or defective on the inside.

And thanks for the compliment on my avatar! It's actually called "Bad memories" and I originally discovered it on a t-shirt lol. I like yours too. I've always been fascinated by Saturn

 

[nox_ghoul]

One of the things that sets me apart from the other human beings is that I am blank. I have no interests. No hobbies. I lack imagination. I can't draw or play any instruments. I have never collected things. I have never created anything, not ever a paper airplane. I am just empty.

This has always troubled me. I think that the reason I am so blank is because I have always suffered from severe anxiety. Being so consumed with feelings of fear and stress from an early age, has meant that there was never any place for anything else inside my mind. Just dread.

I envy people who feel passionate about something. I wish I had that. I think it would give me some sense of meaning and I would feel less lonely.

I relate with this so much...