Discussion biting the bullet?

[ClownMe]

Realising that literally nothing could ever make me happy has completely ruined any hope I had left for a relatively normal life, my brain cant be tricked back into a false sense of purpose. Chronic depression is cancer.

I'm still waiting until my dog dies to attempt suicide (by partial hanging) but as each day goes by I grow more and more anxious, its weird that we wish for death yet were terrified of the process of dying (well at least thats how it is for me anyway). The nothingness has never played on my mind because you cant feel nothingness because it is simply that, nothing, the pain before the nothingness though.... i just cant stop stressing about it.

The way im trying to process it in my head is that no matter who you are, no matter what you've done, you will die and it will be painful to some degree. So, is it better to just bite the bullet and get it over with? The pain will be excruciating but is it more excruciating than living 50+ years in misery before passing away?

Thats something im going to have to think long and hard about over the coming year or so.

 

[deathisnear]

I agree. I've spent years with all those feelings. Chronic depression and anxiety is a cancer, I am finally to the mindset of nothing matters, and it doesn't. I've stayed alive for others too long, but we are all going to die and I don't want to wait it out and live each day in this fucked up shit world. I put on the fake face and "i'm good, I'm okay" for everyone everyday when in reality all i think about is ctb. I missed one ctb date i set for myself, and i will ctb by the end of the year, i won't let it go past that, i can't, it's been far too long already.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think eventually no matter what happens I will ctb. For me it is freedom from this burden of existence and it will prevent decades of pointless suffering. The human life expectancy is far too long and old age is my worst nightmare. However it can be hard to take our lives because of the SI, we are programmed to live and that is the hard part. The thought of eternal nothingness is a comforting one to me.