Birthday why not Deathday

[Seagirl]

Well another bloody birthday. Another year of turmoil . Another year of spectacular failure. My kind fiance is taking me away for weekend & dinner with friends tomorrow. Everyone I know is rich & successful. I'm a good actress & can put on such a good show they have no fucking idea. I have NOTHING.

He knows I want to die & puts it down to a chemical imbalance. I have been so angry at him for putting me through this. I have to smile & pretend to be fucking happy & grateful. I'm a fat ugly FAILURE. I am weak, I am walked over, mocked, taken for a fool & I'm a coward. I only love animals.

I've thought abt dying of cold exposure but someone said on here you can be revived very easily. Thought it wld be good to take diazepam, zoplicone, amytrip & have an irish coffee just enough to fall asleep.

So it's the SN method. I'm still scared that I will panic & it wont work. I will have to take a really fast acting sedative for that one.

The cold just seems easier. Yes too easy I suppose.

I'm so bloody useless. I need COMFIDENCE & strength to do it. How do I find it?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

If I ever find the courage to CTB, I will be singing Happy Death Day To Me until I'm gone.
Sorry you have to go through the dinner with friends. I prefer being alone also.
Many people have successfully used the SN method. If it wasn't a good method it wouldn't be as popular.
I hope that you are able to find peace when you decide to go through with it.

 

[ArtVandelay]

"Chemical imbalance" lol, what an oversimplification. I hate that phrase. I think everyone just picked it up from the Zoloft commercial.

 

[chrijo]

"Chemical imbalance" lol, what an oversimplification. I hate that phrase. I think everyone just picked it up from the Zoloft commercial.

This is the simplest phrase to explain difficult circumstances.

...and - of course - to sell dirty pharmaceuticals :-)

 

[MissNietzsche]

Off topic, but I am in love with your profile pic. At the very least, your taste is remarkable.
Also, SN will knock you out <3 Have you seen videos on it yet?

 

[Mr2005]

Rooting through my stuff when I moved was one of the most depressing things ever. Six years worth of cards all saying the same thing "hope this ones better for you" . Thing is they could have been had they done what I asked instead of buying me crap I didn't ask for. Not just any ages either. 18th, 21st, milestones that I'll never get another go at

 

[Seagirl]

Off topic, but I am in love with your profile pic. At the very least, your taste is remarkable.
Also, SN will knock you out <3 Have you seen videos on it yet?

No, I haven't but I'm going to search. Do you have a link. I took a photo of this painting in a shop. I cldnt afford it but I love the sea & it's where I wld ideally like to be put when dead.

 

[Nem]

This is the simplest phrase to explain difficult circumstances.

...and - of course - to sell dirty pharmaceuticals :-)

Freakin rights! Dirty pharmaceutical drugs have done nothing to solve anyone's problems only to complicate them. Big pharma has destroyed a lot of people's lives including mine
Peace/hugs

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Kinda off topic but this made me think of what if there is a zodiac chart for death days like there is for birthdays lol
I'm also dreading my 20th birthday.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Kinda off topic but this made me think of what if there is a zodiac chart for death days like there is for birthdays lol
I'm also dreading my 20th birthday.

It would be good to know.

 

[Seagirl]

Well to add to everything. Have been taken to London for a birthday dinner I NEVER wanted & I'm so thick j forgot my dress. That's how bad my memory is getting. I will now look even more of a fool in front of successful ppl. I'm hoping this has spurred me to actually do it before Christmas. That wld be the best present.