Birthday Anxiety

[arnoldpalmer]

Does anyone else hate their birthday? I get anxious and try my best to forget whenever it's approaching. I think part of it is immense guilt that I should celebrate myself when I haven't done anything (feeling guilty for everything is my default anyway), but I think I'm also scared that no one will remember it. I'm the type of person who reads into things way too much, so whenever someone (even if it's someone who I know loves me) forgets my birthday I feel such abandonment and I immediately try to figure out what I did wrong and why they hate me or worse, don't care about me. I know it's silly to think about birthdays this much. Whenever I make a new friend and learn their bday, I put it in my phone calendar and try to get them a gift, but my love language isn't receiving gifts. I think I just need to feel the recognition to feel wanted. It's paradoxical because I try so hard to forget about it, but I end up worrying about it more because I'm so scared of feeling unloved.

 

[BurgundySnap]

arnoldpalmer,

Wow, I relate heavily to this...I despise my own birthday to the point I never tell people what it is. When I learn someone's birthday, I add it to my calendar and make sure to wish them well at the least. It really does feel like you should not be celebrating yourself. It feels wrong in a way...It is not silly to think that way, I would like to say I understand your worries. It would definitely feel like someone is mad at you or as if you wronged them if they did not acknowledge it.
It is a confusing paradox, one that makes a bit of sense in the end maybe only to you. I hope you will get recognition when it matters like this.

 

[arnoldpalmer]

arnoldpalmer,

Wow, I relate heavily to this...I despise my own birthday to the point I never tell people what it is. When I learn someone's birthday, I add it to my calendar and make sure to wish them well at the least. It really does feel like you should not be celebrating yourself. It feels wrong in a way...It is not silly to think that way, I would like to say I understand your worries. It would definitely feel like someone is mad at you or as if you wronged them if they did not acknowledge it.
It is a confusing paradox, one that makes a bit of sense in the end maybe only to you. I hope you will get recognition when it matters like this.

I'm kinda relieved to hear that. A lot of my friends either throw parties for themselves or celebrate in some way and don't seem to relate. Thanks