Venting Birth day once again :/

[Nortu]

Dont really know how to feel at the moment. I just dont want to keep going. Kind of wanted to ctb before I got to my 20s. Just feeling the worst. I wasnt meant to get this far. Fuck me I guess for not doing it earlier. Hate this yearly event, always end up feeling worse than before. Its yet a reminded of me not being brave enough to go through it. And now I'll officially never have a way to fix my childhood or teens. Its gone and I'm set up for continued failure as I always have been doing.

Dont care for anyone saying Im still young and that Things arent that bad, shit feels awful anyways.
idk man, cant properly think, felt like a tiny rant so might update thought the night to keep me company or smt


(1) I just want summer pr autumn to come already. Im worth less than dust. So ready to go, just need to get out of this house so I wont be a bother to find After I've left this earth

(2) how pathetic of me to not take Into account the privildge I have. But no matter what I'll never be in the body I was meant to, or the stable version at least. At least this is one of the few hours i can space put and not think properly. i have my backup plans but Even they dont count much in the Long run, just language studying to take back the language we got robber from my country. To hell with it, They donr care for diversity rather assimilation that ruined it for so many indiginous people like us

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Well, happy birthday regardless. I hope young adulthood is better for you than childhood or adolescence.

 

[dragonofenvy]

That's how I've felt for a long time. I always told myself "I won't live past middle school". Then it was high school, then it was college, and now it's the end of this year. Birthdays feel awful, I agree. I had mine in January and it felt so awful that everything's been in a downward spiral since then. It's just another reminder that we've existed as failures that suffer endlessly. I do hope that you feel better once your birthday is over.

(1) I just want summer pr autumn to come already.

I'm curious, what about summer or autumn do you want? I'm more of an early spring person since it's not super cold and miserable, but it's cold enough that it's comfortable and there's no bugs buzzing me within 0.3 seconds of stepping outside.

 

[Nortu]

That's how I've felt for a long time. I always told myself "I won't live past middle school". Then it was high school, then it was college, and now it's the end of this year. Birthdays feel awful, I agree. I had mine in January and it felt so awful that everything's been in a downward spiral since then. It's just another reminder that we've existed as failures that suffer endlessly. I do hope that you feel better once your birthday is over.

I'm curious, what about summer or autumn do you want? I'm more of an early spring person since it's not super cold and miserable, but it's cold enough that it's comfortable and there's no bugs buzzing me within 0.3 seconds of stepping outside.

Honestly been in this mindset since year 6. Didn't want to get past elementary and then I just never felt my method was sure enough to suceed so as to go through with. But yea it aint so nice to get a reminded yearly that one hasnt gone through with it.

Specifically what is about summer/autumn is that its the earliest I'm likely to get out of my parent's house, which again means no one around. Student housing is a loan from the state so its the closest I can get to having a place of my own since living expences are awfully much here (my city is the second most expensive in the country). Just dont want anyone to see me when I've left unless they're prepared for it. So yea.
I do prefer the winter personally though so it depens on the right time, thinking November is my last month if I dont do it sooner. Grown up in a northern country might be at fault for the cold and dark time being a comfort