AtreusMacabre
Member
- Sep 4, 2024
- 12
Would Switzerland or Canada be more a more favorable destination for one in their early twenties, diagnosed with bipolar II (plus diagnoses of autism, depression and anxiety, if that matters) and a severe incurable genetic chronic inflammatory, immune-driven skin condition (whose management could be said to be unacceptable, for causing them great agony)? MAID for mental illness looks any promising?
I am only passively suicidal. Like the passive existence where we merely survive, zombie-like, not living, but rather only half-alive, waiting for a socially acceptable accident or saviour to rescue us. Could you believe that I am sometimes possessed by the spirit of such a saviour? I'm less unfortunate than I used to be, but I must save myself too, not simply distract with schemes of spreading Goodness in the world (unless there exists an opportunity to sacrifice yourself for some universal good- or find yourself through others- but that sounds like some narcissistic dependent pseudo-religious nonsense).
I believe that having access to means for a quick and painless death might enable me to enjoy my remaining existence far more, perhaps even live longer than otherwise, even work towards something more widely beneficial; see it as securing a kind of insurance against future storms and reclaiming some autonomy and sense of control against factors I have been largely powerless against. See it as a noble act of defiance- EVEN continuing to live despite everything would be made more noble after having the means the end one's life! (It's not really a choice otherwise; it's not a virtue if you don't even have the ability to do otherwise, else you're just trapped and basking in unearned praise, but ideally there should not be no moralizing associated with such decisions- empathy, compassion, non-judgment, all that seems too much to ask sometimes, but morality can be conquered, and the fortunate be allowed to live in their ignorance chambers without infringing on the rights of the others.)
Draw out and intensify the stakes by having the keeping it right in front of me, sap out the last drops of meaning which as remains obscured by the false sense of security and lack of urgency. Like a close companion I've only ever had the pleasure to interact with in imagination, all or nothing, dispose of distractions which have outdone their utility anyway, memento mori or whatever. Not a new idea to derive meaning in life from the idea of death, the cause of limited time, which elevates attention and choice to the pedestal of the Gods we worship, but all that's just status quo we don't need to perpetuate. They're distinct, and the quantity doesn't dictate the quality, but could shake me awake by indulging my morbid curiosity and forcing me to confront this very fascinating phenomenon. (Fascinating in part due to it's mystery, but of course we must not treat the mystery as being inherently valuable- that'd be worshipping ignorance, when understanding might reveal something far more enlightening, right?)
I have hope (a bit too much of it, actually, with a tendency for fantastic daydreams detached from reality), and can see my problems with a decent degree of clarity even if sometimes the complexity overwhelms me. The curiosity and capacity to experience meaning still exists within me, but ultimately it ought to be a choice. The same capacity responsible for my suicidality has made me aware of how wonderful life could be (also for others who suffer), and having glimpsed that (even if illusory), it has become intolerable to continue existing in pointless stagnation, this dull-grey mundane reality.
It is not fair to force it upon anyone, and everyone must have the ability to walk away from it without unnecessary difficulties, if they choose to. But I don't think anyone here would disagree with that, and there's no point in repeating what has been said a billion times before. So it would be great if anyone could answer my questions, or ask any. Or just say something.
Oh and I've been unmedicated but functioning without having relapsed for over three years now, which makes me suspicious of my diagnosis, so let me know if anyone has a similar experience.
I am only passively suicidal. Like the passive existence where we merely survive, zombie-like, not living, but rather only half-alive, waiting for a socially acceptable accident or saviour to rescue us. Could you believe that I am sometimes possessed by the spirit of such a saviour? I'm less unfortunate than I used to be, but I must save myself too, not simply distract with schemes of spreading Goodness in the world (unless there exists an opportunity to sacrifice yourself for some universal good- or find yourself through others- but that sounds like some narcissistic dependent pseudo-religious nonsense).
I believe that having access to means for a quick and painless death might enable me to enjoy my remaining existence far more, perhaps even live longer than otherwise, even work towards something more widely beneficial; see it as securing a kind of insurance against future storms and reclaiming some autonomy and sense of control against factors I have been largely powerless against. See it as a noble act of defiance- EVEN continuing to live despite everything would be made more noble after having the means the end one's life! (It's not really a choice otherwise; it's not a virtue if you don't even have the ability to do otherwise, else you're just trapped and basking in unearned praise, but ideally there should not be no moralizing associated with such decisions- empathy, compassion, non-judgment, all that seems too much to ask sometimes, but morality can be conquered, and the fortunate be allowed to live in their ignorance chambers without infringing on the rights of the others.)
Draw out and intensify the stakes by having the keeping it right in front of me, sap out the last drops of meaning which as remains obscured by the false sense of security and lack of urgency. Like a close companion I've only ever had the pleasure to interact with in imagination, all or nothing, dispose of distractions which have outdone their utility anyway, memento mori or whatever. Not a new idea to derive meaning in life from the idea of death, the cause of limited time, which elevates attention and choice to the pedestal of the Gods we worship, but all that's just status quo we don't need to perpetuate. They're distinct, and the quantity doesn't dictate the quality, but could shake me awake by indulging my morbid curiosity and forcing me to confront this very fascinating phenomenon. (Fascinating in part due to it's mystery, but of course we must not treat the mystery as being inherently valuable- that'd be worshipping ignorance, when understanding might reveal something far more enlightening, right?)
I have hope (a bit too much of it, actually, with a tendency for fantastic daydreams detached from reality), and can see my problems with a decent degree of clarity even if sometimes the complexity overwhelms me. The curiosity and capacity to experience meaning still exists within me, but ultimately it ought to be a choice. The same capacity responsible for my suicidality has made me aware of how wonderful life could be (also for others who suffer), and having glimpsed that (even if illusory), it has become intolerable to continue existing in pointless stagnation, this dull-grey mundane reality.
It is not fair to force it upon anyone, and everyone must have the ability to walk away from it without unnecessary difficulties, if they choose to. But I don't think anyone here would disagree with that, and there's no point in repeating what has been said a billion times before. So it would be great if anyone could answer my questions, or ask any. Or just say something.
Oh and I've been unmedicated but functioning without having relapsed for over three years now, which makes me suspicious of my diagnosis, so let me know if anyone has a similar experience.
