Discussion Biggest Regrets in Life?

[Thoughtforms]

• Not leaving home sooner.
• Taking a job in a hospital instead of the one in the recording studio (YTS).
• Not having asked all those girls out.
• Not learning meditation when I was younger, like I was going to.
• Taking LSD.
• Not seeing my kids grow up.
• Too many to mention.

Why do you regret not leaving home sooner? Didn't that save you money?

 

[TheFriendlyGh0st]

Three rapists?

Ya. First guy raped me throughout my freshman year, starting on day three. Eventually got the school equivalent of a restraining order because he knew where I lived. The second one was my partner, who I eventually escaped from. The third guy only got me once and didn't even get very far because his roommate came home. I never saw him again thank god. Most of them happened because I didn't know how to say no, and once I did learn how to say no, they wouldn't listen. Toward the end of it all, I'd just shut up and take it because it was going to happen whether I fought it or not. Luckily I've been safe since about 2015 but the damage feels so permanent.

 

[peachesNpoison]

Parents, siblings, peers teased me relentlessly about my appearance. Biological mother was mentally very sick so she dressed us in old woman clothes from a young age, we only got to shop at the thrift stores.

That's one of the more hellish home lives I've heard about. I'm sorry that you were treated that way. You deserved better support from those shitbags.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Why do you regret not leaving home sooner? Didn't that save you money?

My oldest brother who I idolised and always looked out for me said "get out before it's too late" before he left for good and settled in another country. I wanted to be away but my mother would beg me not to leave her with him. I felt sorry for her, she didn't deserve the shit either, she did anything and everything for us.

 

[gnrluver0105]

Drop school in my 17's
Not having asked out or do something about all the girls that liked me back in the day
Being so socially awkward

 

[gnrluver0105]

• Not leaving home sooner.
• Taking a job in a hospital instead of the one in the recording studio (YTS).
• Not having asked all those girls out.
• Not learning meditation when I was younger, like I was going to.
• Taking LSD.
• Not seeing my kids grow up.
• Too many to mention.

Why did you regret the lsd thing?

 

[Final Escape]

Ya. First guy raped me throughout my freshman year, starting on day three. Eventually got the school equivalent of a restraining order because he knew where I lived. The second one was my partner, who I eventually escaped from. The third guy only got me once and didn't even get very far because his roommate came home. I never saw him again thank god. Most of them happened because I didn't know how to say no, and once I did learn how to say no, they wouldn't listen. Toward the end of it all, I'd just shut up and take it because it was going to happen whether I fought it or not. Luckily I've been safe since about 2015 but the damage feels so permanent.

Yes I had this same situation when young, because I had been sexually abused as a child. I had a harder time asserting my boundaries because of that. Were u sexually abused as well? I'm not saying you were but this is one of the ways that victimization as a child shows up later on when u don't know how to deal with the opposite sex. I also didn't know predators can see this vulnerability in girls who have been abused leaving u at risk.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Why did you regret the lsd thing?

I had some bad trips and was taking it because friends were, l think it fried my brain..

 

[DeletedUser4739]

My last serious attempt was unsuccessful.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Not having asked out or do something about all the girls that liked me back in the day

Yeah that's a real bummer that one, crippling shyness and insecurity.

 

[ReadyasEver]

How many times that I stayed at work or worked on the house too long and missed some great opportunities to spend time with the kids and the wife.

 

[Johnnythefox]

How many times that I stayed at work or worked on the house too long and missed some great opportunities to spend time with the kids and the wife.

I can totally relate to that.

 

[ReadyasEver]

I regret going to university. I was there for three years and had three rapists at varying times. One was my partner, who raped me on and off for a year and a half, including once on Christmas day. The stress caused me to develop bipolar, PTSD, an eating disorder, and chronic stress induced nausea. I've felt like I'm about to puke nonstop for the last three years and I haven't weighed more than 100 pounds since starting college. I started using drugs to cope because I have terrible nightmares about my rapists. I didn't even want to go. I hated my major. I wanted a gap year and then I wanted to ease into it by starting with the basics in community college but my parents basically made me do what they wanted. And the worst part? They paid $80,000 for me to flunk out at the end of my junior year. It's pretty much my only regret in life.

This brought a tear to my eye. I know I would be in prison until I died if I got my hands on rapist.

 

[Eden2k]

My regrets.... I thought I was a strong person. Everything that I have previously achieved in life, I did so, not through determination or ambition but because it was something to do.

What I have learnt through attending weekly therapy sessions, for several months is that I live in my head. I'm disconnected from my emotions. I don't take enjoyment in anything but do things because that is what I think society expects me to do, such as going to uni, getting a good job, saving money for deposit for a mortgage etc.

I don't have true dreams or desires. I just do things for the sake of doing them, like a robot.
I wear a mask for the rest of the world because I don't want to be vulnerable and risk people seeing that side of me.

When I think about things that are difficult for me to process, I just shut down completely. If I feel the mask slipping, I hide away until it is firmly back in place.

I don't know who I really am. I have no real interests, I just do things, take on "hobbies" because that is what people do. I have never felt satisfaction or accomplishment in anything I've achieved. I've travelled but took no enjoyment or pleasure out of it. It's just what people do. I've earned good money in my last job that I was good at, but that is just what people do. Had a "grown-up" relationship from 14-24, even though it was toxic, but that is what people do.

I wish I felt a true connection to any kind of being, not just going through the motions. Wish I was genuinely in-touch with my emotions and not shut them down as soon as I feel anything, wether good or bad.
I can't say I wish things could be how they use to be when I was.... because I've always felt this way. I can't now start from scratch like I've just been born. I don't have a time when shit was different. I don't have a default setting.

I've existed in this "fog" forever, that I can't see a sunny day.

What I regret is... never knowing who I am. I feel like Pinocchio, "I just want to be a real girl".

 

[TAW122]

Not fixing my social life when I was a teenager and learning the social skills needed to succeed. Then again, I also didn't have control over my Aspergers and it has fucked me over more than I'd wish. Maybe if I've been accepted into different circles, I'd probably find more success in my life, then again there are many variables to account for and it's hard to tell.

 

[Broken]

Let down the love of my life because I was a stupid drug addict. Let myself down because I new I was making bad decisions. She told me she wanted a life with me drug free when we moved in and that's what I wanted and promised I wouldn't let her down. So why did I. She lost all trust in me and told me I needed to grow up. She made me realise I'd spent my whole life just existing smoking weed instead of living and then when I met her and I lived all I had to do was commit 110% instead of saying the right things but not backing up with actions. She ain't ever coming back and I don't blame her. God I hope I meet someone in the future that loves and cares about me because knowing you threw away an oppurtunity at true love because you were to stoned feels like a life sentence.

 

[Broken]

Since I don't have anyone in my life that is able to speak with me about these things without threatening me with a hospital stay, and since I think a suicide note is pointless for me, I figure I'll scream into the void here about what I wish I'd done differently.

- I allowed fear of and judgment from everyone else when I was young to convince me to push down my empathy and ignore my sensitivity. I wish I hadn't become such a jerk for such a long time.
- I didn't listen to my instincts about a thousand times about whether people were liars and other kinds of garbage. In turn, I didn't give the people who deserved it the love and respect that I should have.
- I automatically trusted counselors and therapists despite clear ethical abuses and waited too long to just walk away.
- I should have told my family to fuck off way sooner.
- I pushed away the only person I was ever in love with.
- I waited too long to decide to finally ctb, falsely hoping that things could get better or that I would ever be mentally well.

likely more to come...

Anyone else want to get it all out?

Pushing away that one person that was willing to give you all the love and care if only I'd fully committed has messed me up. I let down such a good person. Such an ideal partner.

 

[Hunter]

1. Strongly regret having gone to grad school for the profession I did. Wish I'd not listened to my sibling and stayed at home longer, working toward a PhD.

2. Not learning sooner how to suck up to people and be more socially skilled/more fake.

3. Also, regret losing the people I loved and respected the most... but I know I'll be forgiven for all once I'm dead.

4: Also regret not ctb'ing much sooner... I really should have done it in March. There was no real benefit in delaying and only made me witness things going to shit.

 

[peachesNpoison]

2. Not learning sooner how to suck up to people and be more socially skilled/more fake.

This is an issue I think about a lot. knowing what I know now about how people who are successful at faking shit cause so much damage for people at the bottom, would I rather have lived a life like that of blissful ignorance or the one I have where I get to see the ugly reality of life which causes me pain. I think I"m at peace, mostly, with having been a failure at social/life stuff but seeing the real truth of the world, even if it means I don't really want to continue to participate in life.

I honestly get really sad when I see people who have very shallow relationships with lots of people and it confirms that I never really wanted that. I understand that they probably think they're happy with all that, but the false "meaningfulness" of their lives would drive me crazy if I'd had the aptitude to achieve it.

 

[peachesNpoison]

Not fixing my social life when I was a teenager and learning the social skills needed to succeed. Then again, I also didn't have control over my Aspergers and it has fucked me over more than I'd wish. Maybe if I've been accepted into different circles, I'd probably find more success in my life, then again there are many variables to account for and it's hard to tell.

don't be hard on yourself, there. You can't kick yourself for not knowing what you didn't know. I think for people who are on the spectrum it's a systemic issue that has failed them. You did your best.

 

[Help_Me]

Painful discussion for me...
1. I regret I was born.
2. I regret I met my gf and fell in love with her.
3. I regret I did not kill myself earlier

 

[NumbItAll]

Biggest regret would be being born, I guess, but that wasn't my fault. In fact, nothing is, because I didn't choose my genes or environment. Every decision I "make" is just chemical reactions in my brain that are governed by the laws of physics, which I have no control over, but for some reason I have sentience and feel the consequences of whatever happens. Neat!

 

[peachesNpoison]

Biggest regret would be being born, I guess, but that wasn't my fault. In fact, nothing is, because I didn't choose my genes or environment. Every decision I "make" is just chemical reactions in my brain that are governed by the laws of physics, which I have no control over, but for some reason I have sentience and feel the consequences of whatever happens. Neat!

Honestly, that's the truth that's suggested by current neuroscience research. I've seen footage of a study where the subject has two choices - the left hand or the right hand option - and using a device they can force the subject's left or right hand decision.
Here's where it gets really weird, though: The subjects are always 100% convinced that THEY were the ones that chose the left or right hand option as opposed to the fact that it was forced upon them. So in other words, your brain sometimes makes decisions completely out of your control and then forces your sentient mind into believing that it was responsible for the choice.

 

[Sotipoola]

Giving up too early in life

 

[TheFriendlyGh0st]

Yes I had this same situation when young, because I had been sexually abused as a child. I had a harder time asserting my boundaries because of that. Were u sexually abused as well? I'm not saying you were but this is one of the ways that victimization as a child shows up later on when u don't know how to deal with the opposite sex. I also didn't know predators can see this vulnerability in girls who have been abused leaving u at risk.

It's really nice to know there's someone out there that's experienced this as well. I don't think I was truly sexually abused as a child but I had a terrible fear of sex growing up, even when I was very small. My first kiss was terrible and kind of set the stage for a very awkward puberty. I had a friend who, at age 12 knew exactly how he wanted to take my virginity. Older men harassed me online a lot starting at around age 14 and I didn't know what to do about it so I kind of just played along. All of that probably played into how vulnerable I was in college and I guess I kind of regret not doing something about how uncomfortable all this made me.

 

[Redt2go]

Not realizing how in love I am with my ex until after I left them broke their heart and they moved on.

 

[خوف]

I was about to write a list of my so called regrets but truthfully, other than my main regret of being born, my only regret is how I am the cause of my destruction. The stupidity of my actions has made a specific incident happen to me and it has ruined my life. I've betrayed the girl I was. It is the only reason I'm going to end my life.

 

[ShadowsFall]

Not succeeding in my first suicide attempt.

 

[FuneralCry]

If I was able to regret being born then of course I would regret that. I do regret staying alive for this long, if I ctb at an earlier age it would have prevented so much suffering, but I doubt that I would have been able to ctb years ago unless I had a peaceful and reliable method and the lack of one is holding me back from ctb right now.

 

[Shikamaru]

1. Using drugs at such a young age leading to addiction. Have lost everything, house, job, friends, family, money. And the terrible things that I have done and caused because of it.

2. Throwing up food deliberately for the first time at 11 years old. Anorexia/bulimia now for 10 years and i am so unbelievably tired of waking up and fighting this same battle every single goddamn day.

3. Never getting to see my cats or my dog again because of my selfishness.