BF wont let me commit

[mckk]

(sorry for spelling im drunk no food in me)

I have xanax, alcohol, antidepressants, benadry, tylenol, sleep medication, melatonin.

I also have guns, which are a last resort since I dont want to traumatize him.

But i'm stupid and impulsuve and have made a lot of stupid comments to him about being suicidal so he keeps all this medication locked away.

He tried to strip search me for pills today bc i was telling him im going to kill myslf. he found them.

I kn0w he'd be better off without me. I feel s bad that im here. I shuld be dead. I had a terrible life. molested by cops in a (supposed) sex ring. suicidal from age 11.

Any advice? I want to do itnow but its literally impossible. He took all of it away from me. Help pls. I'm begging.

Afriend of mine killled himself 3 months ago. He used a gun. I wish I could talk to him, he underrstood my suicidal thoughts. I'm so alne
someone pls respond. if i get no responses on this post ill feel even worse. i need soemone to help;

 

[FuneralCry]

It's just so cruel and dreadful to me how we cannot just easily end our existence, it sounds really awful being trapped in that situation, it's horrible how people have to suffer so much but anyway best wishes.

 

[MrThe]

I would say you're not alone. You should listen to Waltz of the Flowers, its a really beautiful music. I recommend the video by Rousseau. Music will always be by your side

(sorry for spelling im drunk no food in me)

I have xanax, alcohol, antidepressants, benadry, tylenol, sleep medication, melatonin.

I also have guns, which are a last resort since I dont want to traumatize him.

But i'm stupid and impulsuve and have made a lot of stupid comments to him about being suicidal so he keeps all this medication locked away.

He tried to strip search me for pills today bc i was telling him im going to kill myslf. he found them.

I kn0w he'd be better off without me. I feel s bad that im here. I shuld be dead. I had a terrible life. molested by cops in a (supposed) sex ring. suicidal from age 11.

Any advice? I want to do itnow but its literally impossible. He took all of it away from me. Help pls. I'm begging.

Afriend of mine killled himself 3 months ago. He used a gun. I wish I could talk to him, he underrstood my suicidal thoughts. I'm so alne
someone pls respond. if i get no responses on this post ill feel even worse. i need soemone to help;

 

[mckk]

It's just so cruel and dreadful to me how we cannot just easily end our existence, it sounds really awful being trapped in that situation, it's horrible how people have to suffer so much but anyway best wishes.

thank you. it really is. i;m suffering every day

I would say you're not alone. You should listen to Waltz of the Flowers, its a really beautiful music. I recommend the video by Rousseau. Music will always be by your side

im listening now. thank you for your comment. music always helps<3

 

[MrThe]

thank you. it really is. i;m suffering every day

im listening now. thank you for your comment. music always helps<3

I dont know how to quote only one message so this'll do haha.
Do you have an instrument? Its a really powerful way to express your emotions; those that cannot be expressed otherwise
I play a bit of piano, every time I feel overwhelmed, I just start playing and my emotions fade away...

 

[mckk]

I dont know how to quote only one message so this'll do haha.
Do you have an instrument? Its a really powerful way to express your emotions; those that cannot be expressed otherwise
I play a bit of piano, every time I feel overwhelmed, I just start playing and my emotions fade away...

i paint. my bf has instruments but i dont know how to use them. but painting helps me. i should do that maybe

 

[MrThe]

Art in itself is a very good way to express emotions. I think you can attach images here, so if you'd like you can share it with me and other people.

i paint. my bf has instruments but i dont know how to use them. but painting helps me. i should do that maybe

 

[nozomu]

Hey, my partner also doesn't want me to commit suicide. You are not alone. Is it ok if I suggest to you some tools that help a lot for healing childhood trauma? It's things you can work through on your own pace.