Best way to put out a public statement to your community re your choice to ctb?

[Mbound]

This is something I've thought about a lot. Since I'm pretty young, my death will definitely be something that will be talked about on social media, on a few local blogs, etc.

I don't care much about what people say except for that I just want it to be known that I do not want my name connected to any sort of suicide hotlines, platitudes about suicide prevention, etc. I just want to make a short, simple statement explaining that I came to this decision after long and careful consideration and with as much rationality as one could reasonably possess. And I just want to make it clear that putting my name in some kind of hashtag attached to a suicide prevention org is basically spitting on my legacy and goes against everything I believed in.

Now I'm sure people will still do it, I just don't want my voice to be completely drowned out and I think maybe I can even open up a slightly more honest discussion about suicide and the choice to determine ones own fate. People love projecting their own assumptions and beliefs onto those who have died in this way and I want to curtail that as much as possible so that even if people don't agree with me, they'll still know what my stance and what my wishes were.

I was thinking of scheduling a Fb post (I think that's a feature?) but even though my choice is N which has a 99.9% success rate, I'm still worried the antiemetic will fail and then the attempt will fail and I'll be imprisoned in a psych ward and the fb post would go up and that would be an absolute disaster. Does anyone have any ideas of how I could get a message out there after I've passed? I don't really want to saddle my family with putting it out there on my behalf since it's my own (unpopular) opinions, not necessarily their own.

 

[secondtimesthecharm]

That's an immensely practical issue to consider. It's something that's given me pause too, as I'm also young and I can already envision the sort of shit former classmates and the like will be posting on Facebook.

I've no advice to give on the matter, so I'm waiting eagerly for anyone with some insight to weigh in so I can try to circumvent the same thing myself.

 

[Mbound]

That's an immensely practical issue to consider. It's something that's given me pause too, as I'm also young and I can already envision the sort of shit former classmates and the like will be posting on Facebook.

I've no advice to give on the matter, so I'm waiting eagerly for anyone with some insight to weigh in so I can try to circumvent the same thing myself.

Right? The Facebook posts alone would be absurd, as they have been in the past when classmates (and celebrities) have ctb'd. People love inserting themselves into other peoples suffering, even if they barely spoke with that person. I'm under no illusions that most people will listen to or agree with what I have to say, but at least it will be on the record so them doing it anyway will make them look pretty tasteless. I just find the idea of people using me as their virtue-signaling soapbox for their shallow suicide prevention and "mental health awareness" efforts (whatever the fuck that even means) absolutely intolerable. I have honestly let go of 99% of my anger at the circumstances/people that used to upset me, but this is one thing that still makes me upset to think about.

Maybe the key is just making sure it's sent far enough in the future that I'd be able to delete it if I was placed on a mandatory psych hold? I'm sure my family would delete it for me too, this just seems like an unnecessary additional stressor.

 

[not_a_robot]

Best advice for trying to control how other people will react to your death is:
You can't. Your ability to control any part of the narrative ends the second you die. For reference, see "recent events".

 

[Mbound]

Best advice for trying to control how other people will react to your death is:
You can't. Your ability to control any part of the narrative ends the second you die. For reference, see "recent events".

I don't seek to control it, merely to not let myself be entirely spoken for. Like I said I don't think most people will agree or be that respectful of it, but at least they can't pretend it's what I would have wanted. *shrug*

 

[secondtimesthecharm]

Best advice for trying to control how other people will react to your death is:
You can't. Your ability to control any part of the narrative ends the second you die. For reference, see "recent events".

I was reflecting on this earlier, after the thread really got me thinking, and unfortunately I think you're right.

Trying to come to terms with everything and make myself ready to CTB successfully is hard enough. I can't try to plan a social media announcement of my own death on top of that. I can't even control a narrative when I'm alive, let alone when I'm dead.

So right now I'm feeling like, why even try? What could I possibly say to really prevent the emotional grandstanding that some folks will inevitably engage in? When there's no guaranteed route to success, is it even worth my effort?

I love the idea of being able to whip up a fiery monologue summing up my thoughts on suicide, my stance on the sociopolitical nuances of the issue, and how I feel people should handle mental health and such. But the fact is that no matter how well I articulate myself and how clear I make my stance on the issues, I can't defend it when I'm gone. And once I am gone, it's all too easy for people to dismiss my last words, because obviously a rational woman wouldn't have killed herself.

So for me personally, I think I just... won't say a word. I don't have any respect for the former coworkers and classmates who'll put on big displays of grief over the death of someone they barely knew. So why expend any energy on them? They can keep at it with the hotline numbers and dot org links and empty platitudes. Their bullshit isn't my problem even while I'm here, so it sure as hell won't be my problem once I'm gone.

 

[RM5998]

@Mbound I'm presuming that you're a student and that your institute would declare a holiday of some sort when you are found dead. I would like to apologize for the cold tone of the rest of my post in advance.

Ideally, you want to make sure that you're not found till the last possible moment (about 4-5 hours or so after you CTB, but the more time you can get, the better). That would ensure that even if you are saved, you've probably made a decent case for euthanasia by then. If this can be achieved, then the post should be scheduled on the sanctioned holiday (which I'm presuming would be 2 days after you CTB, since you are found late into the day of your death). That makes sure that it comes around late enough for the news to have spread, but early enough for the reactions to be still coming in.

However, I'm with @secondtimesthecharm here - your word will be disregarded once you're gone. Posterity always gets the last word, since the living do not need to worry about the dead refuting their statements.

 

[not_a_robot]

I don't seek to control it, merely to not let myself be entirely spoken for. Like I said I don't think most people will agree or be that respectful of it, but at least they can't pretend it's what I would have wanted. *shrug*

It makes sense. Maybe a few people will understand.

 

[Mbound]

@Mbound I'm presuming that you're a student and that your institute would declare a holiday of some sort when you are found dead. I would like to apologize for the cold tone of the rest of my post in advance.

Ideally, you want to make sure that you're not found till the last possible moment (about 4-5 hours or so after you CTB, but the more time you can get, the better). That would ensure that even if you are saved, you've probably made a decent case for euthanasia by then. If this can be achieved, then the post should be scheduled on the sanctioned holiday (which I'm presuming would be 2 days after you CTB, since you are found late into the day of your death). That makes sure that it comes around late enough for the news to have spread, but early enough for the reactions to be still coming in.

However, I'm with @secondtimesthecharm here - your word will be disregarded once you're gone. Posterity always gets the last word, since the living do not need to worry about the dead refuting their statements.

Not a student haha, just young. I totally get what you're saying—I've come to terms with that. But, I still feel I would be doing myself a disservice not to at least say my piece, which is all I can do. Also, I'd probably direct them to some better and more eloquent sources than me. I have a few in mind. I think it's a significant part of my SI, that I haven't said all I need to say. Once I feel I have I think I can let go a lot easier.

 

[RM5998]

Not a student haha, just young. I totally get what you're saying—I've come to terms with that. But, I still feel I would be doing myself a disservice not to at least say my piece, which is all I can do. Also, I'd probably direct them to some better and more eloquent sources than me. I have a few in mind. I think it's a significant part of my SI, that I haven't said all I need to say. Once I feel I have I think I can let go a lot easier.

I don't think the words you leave behind need to be eloquent. For at least a few decades, it's unlikely that anyone will take the words of people who killed themselves seriously. If you want to leave your words behind, do so freely, without trying to worry about how they'll be interpreted.

 

[Mbound]

I don't think the words you leave behind need to be eloquent. For at least a few decades, it's unlikely that anyone will take the words of people who killed themselves seriously. If you want to leave your words behind, do so freely, without trying to worry about how they'll be interpreted.

I think it's one of the last remnants of my ego honestly—at one point at least before my memory and general sharpness started really deteriorating, I was something of a decent writer. Nothing exceptional, but above average. One of my few talents. I think my final statement will be mostly about conveying that a lot of careful thought went into this decision and rejecting the standard narrative of "if only this person had reached out to x, y, and z then this tragedy could have been prevented" vs giving any sort of concrete reasons, which I don't think I owe anyone except my close family and a few friends.

I fully understand why people think it's pointless and a waste of effort because we all know how people love to dismiss the rationality of suicidal people entirely, but I still have some faith in myself and maybe others that it could make at least a minuscule amount of difference in how my death is received and talked about.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

This is something I've thought about a lot. Since I'm pretty young, my death will definitely be something that will be talked about on social media, on a few local blogs, etc.

I don't care much about what people say except for that I just want it to be known that I do not want my name connected to any sort of suicide hotlines, platitudes about suicide prevention, etc. I just want to make a short, simple statement explaining that I came to this decision after long and careful consideration and with as much rationality as one could reasonably possess. And I just want to make it clear that putting my name in some kind of hashtag attached to a suicide prevention org is basically spitting on my legacy and goes against everything I believed in.

Now I'm sure people will still do it, I just don't want my voice to be completely drowned out and I think maybe I can even open up a slightly more honest discussion about suicide and the choice to determine ones own fate. People love projecting their own assumptions and beliefs onto those who have died in this way and I want to curtail that as much as possible so that even if people don't agree with me, they'll still know what my stance and what my wishes were.

I was thinking of scheduling a Fb post (I think that's a feature?) but even though my choice is N which has a 99.9% success rate, I'm still worried the antiemetic will fail and then the attempt will fail and I'll be imprisoned in a psych ward and the fb post would go up and that would be an absolute disaster. Does anyone have any ideas of how I could get a message out there after I've passed? I don't really want to saddle my family with putting it out there on my behalf since it's my own (unpopular) opinions, not necessarily their own.

I would NOT do an advance FB post. Perhaps leave a note to be discovered with your body. I don't know if FB can monitor something like that or not.
I'm not on FB … to anti-social … and I really don't give a shit about people who really don't care about me anyway.
I haven't read through everyone's post yet so maybe someone else has a better idea.

 

[Mbound]

I would NOT do an advance FB post. Perhaps leave a note to be discovered with your body. I don't know if FB can monitor something like that or not.
I'm not on FB … to anti-social … and I really don't give a shit about people who really don't care about me anyway.
I haven't read through everyone's post yet so maybe someone else has a better idea.

That's a really good point actually, I didn't even think of that. They probably do monitor that stuff.