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difficvltmachineryy

difficvltmachineryy

Szomorú vasárnap, száz fehér virággal 𔓘
May 9, 2026
35
The title says it....uhhh so i have been suicidal since i was twelve, then it got really bad in summer-autumn 2024, and now in 2026 its worse than ever. I wish to end my pain, but i dont know how. I also live with my parents making it hard to CTB, i would love to die by SN or some opiate like fent or heroin, but i cant access those. Hanging also seems nice, but i struggle with tying ropes and afraid i will fuck up. I am currently planning to go to a psychiatrist because im hoping i will get prescribed some type of SSRI and i know OD is a non method but i still hope it can do smthing if i OD (ill also try drinking alcohol like vodka even tho i hate the taste of it but i gotta stop being a pussy if i want to ctb so bad) any users on this site who are hungarian or knows what methods are accessible if i live in Hungary with my parents. Also about the date, i plan on doing it in July on some Sunday, August either on some sunday or the 31th, or around Christmas eve, this year. Any help or response to my posts i will thank. Please, help i am desperate. Sorry for the rambling 😓
 
FrustratedMTFtrans

FrustratedMTFtrans

Member
Apr 17, 2026
53
The title says it....uhhh so i have been suicidal since i was twelve, then it got really bad in summer-autumn 2024, and now in 2026 its worse than ever. I wish to end my pain, but i dont know how. I also live with my parents making it hard to CTB, i would love to die by SN or some opiate like fent or heroin, but i cant access those. Hanging also seems nice, but i struggle with tying ropes and afraid i will fuck up. I am currently planning to go to a psychiatrist because im hoping i will get prescribed some type of SSRI and i know OD is a non method but i still hope it can do smthing if i OD (ill also try drinking alcohol like vodka even tho i hate the taste of it but i gotta stop being a pussy if i want to ctb so bad) any users on this site who are hungarian or knows what methods are accessible if i live in Hungary with my parents. Also about the date, i plan on doing it in July on some Sunday, August either on some sunday or the 31th, or around Christmas eve, this year. Any help or response to my posts i will thank. Please, help i am desperate. Sorry for the rambling 😓
You don't need to worry about the taste of vodka or the inconvenience of it causing you to vommit. You can get the same effect on your brain by injecting vodka into your rectum with a plastic syringe, so it goes directly into your bloodstream and fast. I've done it and found there is a pleasant warm feeling for several seconds while the vodka attacks the mucous membrane, making it more permeable for the vodka to get into the bloodstream. Already with just one syringe load, I felt drunk. Maybe you would want to additionally inject vodka into your vagina, but I don't know if transfer into the bloodstream is as effective there (maybe more effective?). If I we are a biological female, I would at least try it.

Then you can choose an overdose substance, preferably a prescription medicine, as non-prescription medicines are less effective or take days/weeks to kill when overdosed: in general many medicines react more strongly and faster if there is plenty of alcohol in the bloodstream. You could additionally swallow pills with vodka instead of with water.
 
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difficvltmachineryy

difficvltmachineryy

Szomorú vasárnap, száz fehér virággal 𔓘
May 9, 2026
35
You don't need to worry about the taste of vodka or the inconvenience of it causing you to vommit. You can get the same effect on your brain by injecting vodka into your rectum with a plastic syringe, so it goes directly into your bloodstream and fast. I've done it and found there is a pleasant warm feeling for several seconds while the vodka attacks the mucous membrane, making it more permeable for the vodka to get into the bloodstream. Already with just one syringe load, I felt drunk. Maybe you would want to additionally inject vodka into your vagina, but I don't know if transfer into the bloodstream is as effective there (maybe more effective?). If I we are a biological female, I would at least try it.

Then you can choose an overdose substance, preferably a prescription medicine, as non-prescription medicines are less effective or take days/weeks to kill when overdosed: in general many medicines react more strongly and faster if there is plenty of alcohol in the bloodstream. You could additionally swallow pills with vodka instead of with water.
Where do i acquire a plastic syringe?
 
froggirl9000

froggirl9000

9,000,000 LIVE FROGS
Feb 4, 2023
1,832
Where do i acquire a plastic syringe?
You can buy packs of them from medical supply stores, look online. Dunno if Hungary has needle exchanges but you might be able to get free syringes from those too.
 
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difficvltmachineryy

difficvltmachineryy

Szomorú vasárnap, száz fehér virággal 𔓘
May 9, 2026
35
You can buy packs of them from medical supply stores, look online. Dunno if Hungary has needle exchanges but you might be able to get free syringes from those too.
Actually just remembered that a few months ago (jan-feb) i had to get injections post-surgery to not die from embolism, maybe there are still a few syringes home i need to ask my parents in a way that wont make them suspicious
 
FrustratedMTFtrans

FrustratedMTFtrans

Member
Apr 17, 2026
53
Where do i acquire a plastic syringe?
I bought one in a do-it-yourself store as a syringe with a plastic body and nozzle containing lubricant grease for lubricating in narrow spaces. I emptied the grease and have been using it ever since for my own self-gratification with alcohol and various household chemicals and CTB preparation, avoiding methanol, as that makes one blind quite quickly. I intend to fill it with vodka on my CTB day and shoot one load after another until my rectum won't take any more, then to CTB by one or another method or a combination of methods.
 
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difficvltmachineryy

difficvltmachineryy

Szomorú vasárnap, száz fehér virággal 𔓘
May 9, 2026
35
I bought one in a do-it-yourself store as a syringe with a plastic body and nozzle containing lubricant grease for lubricating in narrow spaces. I emptied the grease and have been using it ever since for my own self-gratification with alcohol and various household chemicals and CTB preparation, avoiding methanol, as that makes one blind quite quickly. I intend to fill it with vodka on my CTB day and shoot one load after another until my rectum won't take any more, then to CTB by one or another method or a combination of methods.
Oh wow thanks! And should i inject by like, putting the syringe IN my rectum, or just injecting near it? Sorry if i sound stupid
 
FrustratedMTFtrans

FrustratedMTFtrans

Member
Apr 17, 2026
53
Oh wow thanks! And should i inject by like, putting the syringe IN my rectum, or just injecting near it? Sorry if i sound stupid
Right inside your rectum, as deep as possible. Do it several times. If you flush your bowels and/or reduce or stop food intake for a while, your mucous membrane will take it in and transfer it to your bloodstream very efficiently. It feels nice, and is a nice way to start the CTB process. Some people talk of inserting a vodka-soaked tampon that can slowly release the vodka. Well, you can put one in your vagina, so you get vodka into your bloodstream from two points of entry and from three points in you swallow pills with a small (very small) amount of vodka without getting disturbed much by its taste. Once it gets into your bloodstream it stays there doing its job without you vommiting it out. It's a lovely way to get drunk. With 1-2 loads I felt my tongue getting dry, so apart from dizziness in the head, I knew I was quite drunk. It's a good time then to CTB by your chosen method.
 
difficvltmachineryy

difficvltmachineryy

Szomorú vasárnap, száz fehér virággal 𔓘
May 9, 2026
35
Right inside your rectum, as deep as possible. Do it several times. If you flush your bowels and/or reduce or stop food intake for a while, your mucous membrane will take it in and transfer it to your bloodstream very efficiently. It feels nice, and is a nice way to start the CTB process. Some people talk of inserting a vodka-soaked tampon that can slowly release the vodka. Well, you can put one in your vagina, so you get vodka into your bloodstream from two points of entry and from three points in you swallow pills with a small (very small) amount of vodka without getting disturbed much by its taste. Once it gets into your bloodstream it stays there doing its job without you vommiting it out. It's a lovely way to get drunk. With 1-2 loads I felt my tongue getting dry, so apart from dizziness in the head, I knew I was quite drunk. It's a good time then to CTB by your chosen method.
Wow, i will try inserting a vodka soaked tampon then, lol. I also am sure i can handle a bit of vodka through my mouth, i tried it before and it was bad but i mean i am desperate to die so i can handle it 100%. Not now, as i am planning to CTB either in July or August, or Autumn, or Christmas, idk im still planning which date to choose
 
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