Best friend told me they don't like when I'm high and that I'm "different" when I'm high.

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

A few months ago, my best friend J asked me to warn them when I'll be using [cannabis]. They said I'm "different" when I'm high.

Other friends I mentioned that to said I'm still "the same Gary [name changed] as always" when I'm high.

I've thought about J's words pretty much every day since. Even during weeks-long T-breaks [part of my usual schedule, that wasn't changed because of J].

I don't want to quit or reduce my usage. I never felt bad about using for years until what J said. But now since J said that to me, I feel emotionally like shit most times that I use. I just avoid interacting with J entirely when I'm high, so I don't have to tell them day after day after day that I'm using...

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I believe everyone should be allowed their vices, and it sucks that you now feel like you have to avoid your friend over this. Would you feel comfortable asking them what about you changes when you're high that they don't like? If all your other friends say you're the same person when you're high, then it's most likely a J thing, and not a you thing. At least that would be my guess.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I believe everyone should be allowed their vices, and it sucks that you now feel like you have to avoid your friend over this. Would you feel comfortable asking them what about you changes when you're high that they don't like? If all your other friends say you're the same person when you're high, then it's most likely a J thing, and not a you thing. At least that would be my guess.

J was polite about it and not mean at all, but I just feel so ashamed of my weed usage now that I don't even want to bring it up with them. I didn't tell them about *anything* I did on my birthday last week because I was high all day...

The only thing I can think of that actually changes when I'm high is that I get chattier. I don't see that as a bad thing, but with at least that change identified, when I have to interact with J while I'm high, I keep things to short, on-topic answers and try to stop myself from going on tangents. AFAIK, they haven't noticed me being "different" since I've started doing that.

The friends I mentioned J's problem to also all use weed and I doubt they'd think my sometimes-weird high ramblings are bad.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

J was polite about it and not mean at all, but I just feel so ashamed of my weed usage now that I don't even want to bring it up with them. I didn't tell them about *anything* I did on my birthday last week because I was high all day...

The only thing I can think of that actually changes when I'm high is that I get chattier. I don't see that as a bad thing, but with at least that change identified, when I have to interact with J while I'm high, I keep things to short, on-topic answers and try to stop myself from going on tangents. AFAIK, they haven't noticed me being "different" since I've started doing that.

The friends I mentioned J's problem to also all use weed and I doubt they'd think my sometimes-weird high ramblings are bad.

Hmmm, yeah I wouldn't qualify chattiness as a negative either. Especially if I were your friend. Isn't a friend by definition someone who LIKES hearing you talk?? I'm sorry J is making you feel ashamed about using weed, there's nothing shameful about it.

 

[Smart No More]

Some people are annoying when high. I find drunk people incredibly annoying. Generally I would find friends were different when high on various substances. I often found I respected them less as their lesser traits would often show. This wasn't always the case though and there were some people that were really no different in any significant way. I think it's different from person to person as we each have our own issues and handle them in a variety of ways but of all the drugs I found cannabis to have the very least impact on anyones demeanour. It was probably the exception and never really bought peoples bad traits out. Some people are more sensitive to changes in others. Have you asked your friend in what way you're different? Maybe it's something you can talk through and resolve. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Maybe have an honest conversation with yourself and if you can honestly say it's not bringing out your insecurities or some kind of trait that needs working on then maybe it's something that isn't actually your problem and it's theirs. If it is bringing out something in you, facing it will allow you to address and work on it. We're all in life together. It's okay to have issues as long as we're honest with ourselves about them and tackle them head on. When you embrace that life is a lot easier in my experience. It's actually quite liberating.

I've just seen your last post. Nothing wrong with being a bit chatty. Can be easy to overlook social cues though and maybe that's geting under thwir skin? Some people are more easily annoyed than others and it can be a reflection of their issues not yours. I reckon an honest conversation is the right way to resolve this as it's playing on your mind. :)


@dreadpirateroberts69 that avatar has bought back some memories lol. It's the tin man from the wizard of Oz sequel, (return to Oz?) . God that was an odd one. The wheelies that would turn into dust/sand if they fell over or went of the paving lol. IIRC the tin man in your avatar was called something like tick tock.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

@dreadpirateroberts69 that avatar has bought back some memories lol. It's the tin man from the wizard of Oz sequel, (return to Oz?) . God that was an odd one. The wheelies that would turn into dust/sand if they fell over or went of the paving lol. IIRC the tin man in your avatar was called something like tick tock.

Yesss, his name is Tick Tock and he's the best!! What an amazing movie, glad someone recognized it :)

 

[GentleJerk]

Man if you enjoy it and it helps you, and you're not hurting anyone.... I say do your thing and try not to let other peoples judgement get to you.

I'm guessing J obviously doesn't smoke, right? I had the same thing from one of my old best friends. We spent so much time with each other as kids, so she didn't like it when I started smoking. She said exactly the same thing, that It's changed me and would complain about it whenever I was high, which was all the time, saying I'm 'different'. It would make me feel quite judged. She started telling everyone that I was 'a stoner now', in a certain way that made it sound shameful, like that was my entire identity and I'm nothing else, which came across offensive tbh.

Funny, I sort of felt the same way about her drinking alcohol, acting like a fool, but I never whinged about it or held it against her. Still, somehow my smoking was seen as more degenerate. Naturally, our close friendship slowly gravitated apart and we fell in with different friends. Weed sometimes alienates you from people that don't use it.

I think they look down on it and should get off their high-horses. I feel like it comes from a place of being self-righteous and thinking they are somehow better than others. I had to stop smoking but I love hanging out with my friends who still get high, I feel happy for them when I see those squinty eyes. This old friend recently started smoking after all these years of spitting on me for it, sometimes my daughters mum shows me her selfies where she poses for the camera with the bong. That says it all imo.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Man if you enjoy it and it helps you, and you're not hurting anyone.... I say do your thing and try not to let other peoples judgement get to you.

I'm guessing J obviously doesn't smoke, right? I had the same thing from one of my old best friends. We spent so much time with each other as kids, so she didn't like it when I started smoking. She said exactly the same thing, that It's changed me and would complain about it whenever I was high, which was all the time, saying I'm 'different'. It would make me feel quite judged. She started telling everyone that I was 'a stoner now', in a certain way that made it sound shameful, like that was my entire identity and I'm nothing else, which came across offensive tbh.

Funny, I sort of felt the same way about her drinking alcohol, acting like a fool, but I never whinged about it or held it against her. Still, somehow my smoking was seen as more degenerate. Naturally, our close friendship slowly gravitated apart and we fell in with different friends. Weed sometimes alienates you from people that don't use it.

I think they look down on it and should get off their high-horses. I feel like it comes from a place of being self-righteous and thinking they are somehow better than others. I had to stop smoking but I love hanging out with my friends who still get high, I feel happy for them when I see those squinty eyes. This old friend recently started smoking after all these years of spitting on me for it, sometimes my daughters mum shows me her selfies where she poses for the camera with the bong. That says it all imo.

Yes, J doesn't smoke or drink or anything.

I actually don't smoke, either, I only use edibles and pretty strong ones, 60mg-120mg of THC at a time. I end up high for 8 hours and buzzed for over a day. But I don't feel I do much different while high--I play games, watch TV, putz around online. I do that all day whether high or sober.

 

[GentleJerk]

Yes, J doesn't smoke or drink or anything.

I actually don't smoke, either, I only use edibles and pretty strong ones, 60mg-120mg of THC at a time. I end up high for 8 hours and buzzed for over a day. But I don't feel I do much different while high--I play games, watch TV, putz around online. I do that all day whether high or sober.

It's hard sometimes for those who have no experience with it to understand... It's really not that big of a deal and it's a pretty natural thing. But with no personal experience to judge it from, they sense certain subtle changes and might almost think they're losing the person they have always known, or something like that.

Maybe some more time reserved for him, where you are completely sober might help make him feel better. He'll learn it's not 'changing' you when he sees you high, and it will remind him that you're still the same person he has always known, and eating some edibles isn't going to change that.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I think J just has an aversion to the marijuana, not you. That person's judgment is influencing how they view you. Thats really irritating that they judged you like that and now you're all self-conscious. I get that they were polite about it but I still don't agree with it. Theres a lot that encompasses a person, you don't become a different one when you're blitzed, its another side of you that comes to the surface.

Do you, man. If you gotta get fucked up, then get fucked up. If people don't like it, thats on them. All of us are just trying to survive.

I have two close friends that I talk to when I'm stoned, neither partake in marijuana, and they've never said I "change" as a person. Just like you, I get chattier.